Reeling
by e-wilson22
Summary: She needed someone to lose herself in. He needed someone to find himself in.
1. Chapter 1

**BRYCE**

Thinking about that day in junior high when I nearly kissed Juliana Baker in front of almost half the school still makes me shudder. You'd think I'd be able to laugh it off by now_-oh those crazy hormones, kids always do things without considering the consequences, you know how it is. _You'd think.

Thankfully, the third or fourth day after the incident held better memories. Feeling Juli's small hand under mine on the cold soil surrounding the base of that baby sycamore was a feeling I knew I'd never forget. I remember us quietly sitting and looking at the tree, and I remember my heart racing as her skin remained pressed against mine on that mound of fresh dirt, and I remember the way the breeze laced its way through my hair.

Minutes later, we sat on the swing on her front porch, and we talked in a manner we'd never talked in before. It was then that I realized that Juli had a way of making me feel like we were the only two living things on the planet, and all that mattered were the words we said to each other. I was glad to see she was okay with talking about the old tree so I felt comfortable asking her about it.

"What was it like getting interviewed by the newspaper?" I awkwardly laughed, "Did you feel like a movie star?"

She smirked to herself in a way that could only be described as adorable and stared down at her lap. She sighed, "I... I really thought I could stop them."

My body got cold really quickly. "I'm sorry I didn't go up there with you, Juli."

Her green eyes met my gaze, "It's... It wouldn't have changed anything anyway."

"Maybe... I don't know, maybe it could have? I was scared," I spoke, "Shit, I'm scared of everything." She only shrugged in response, then a quick grin grew on her face.

"I wouldn't say everything." I immediately knew she was referencing the Basket Boys lunch episode and I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks.

"I'm trying not to be so scared, I guess," I mumbled as I scratched the back of my neck, "You seem like you'd be a good teacher at that... fearless." Juli's eyelashes fluttered as she smiled at me and it was at that moment that I realized I wanted to be the reason behind that smile every second of every day.

"You think I'm fearless?"

"I know you are. Everybody does." She bit her bottom lip and gazed out at the street. I followed her gaze and stared at my house and wondered about all the thoughts that would run through her mind every time she looked at it.

We sat on that porch for another hour, talking about names for the new sycamore. I was really pushing for "Tree" but she wasn't quite keen on that one. I don't think we settled on a name and our conversation was abruptly ended by Mom, who stepped out of the house and waved me in.

Before we knew it, the school year was over and Juli and I were spending every summer day together. We liked biking out to the outskirts of town. Arriving at the hidden destinations we'd discovered, lungs out of breath and muscles aching, we'd set our bikes down and explore for hours.

One day, we were standing on an arch bridge, overlooking the greens and blues of what seemed like an endless creek, and Juli was pushing her long, dark tresses out of her face, saying something about how amazing it was that the sun was just a ball in the sky. She chuckled softly and I looked over at her and she leaned towards the edge, arms resting on the wooden barrier, chest rising and falling from the hour bike ride we just had. Before I knew it, our faces were inches away and my stomach had gone completely numb, knowing that in just a few more seconds, I'd be able to say I was the lucky sucker that got to kiss Juliana Baker. I was staring at her. Reeling.

Suddenly, I felt a sharp sting on my ankle and all my attention was diverted to the massive wasp that was sitting right on my shoe. I shouted in anguish and saw Juli bend down in a flash, intrepidly waving the wasp away. Leave it to her to so passively dismiss one of the gnarliest insects I've ever seen. I watched the thick bug fly away and, like the manly man I was, bounced around on my good foot, wincing and repeating 'ow!' over and over again.

Once I was finally hunched over the railing, I felt Juli's hand rubbing my back.

"It's not going to hurt for long, okay, Bryce?... It looks like he only got you once, that's lucky... We're gonna have to take the stinger out, that is if it's even in there, and get ice on it right away, okay?... There was a general store we passed, I'm sure we can get some for you... Bryce?"

"Okay, okay," my words were rushed as I tightened my fists, waiting for the searing, burning pain to end.

"That's weird that he bit you- most bugs only bite when they feel threatened. Did you say anything bad about him?" She laughed at herself. Despite the anguish, I couldn't help but chuckle at her dorky little joke. "It's going to be okay. You're not allergic are you?"

"Only to kiwi," I replied. I was surprised she didn't know that- doesn't she know everything there is in this universe to know?

"Based on my expertise, I don't think you have to worry about any kiwi in that sting," she chuckled again.

"Laughing at my pain, huh?"

"No," Juli laughed a little harder. I tried to slowly put my foot down on the ground, but quickly bent it back up once my ankle filled with hot pain."You should sit down." Before I could react, Juli took my arm and swung it around her shoulders, slowly leading me off the bridge and back to the field we set our bikes down on. Being so close to her helped relieve the ache of the sting, but it also sent butterflies to my stomach, which I wasn't a big fan of.

She slowly sat me down, bad leg stretched out, good leg bent up, then inspected the sting. "Does it hurt?"

"Oh, no," I sarcastically answered, "Feels kind of good, actually. Like a little massage." Juli snickered and playfully hit my knee, then went back to studying my ankle.

"Looks like there's no stinger in there," she mumbled, "I'll be right back." Before I could say anything, Juli stood and hopped up on her bike. I laid back, and I couldn't stop thinking about Juli's lips. Her eyes. Her hair. Her smile. I have a feeling that if I was listening carefully enough right before that almost kiss, I would've heard all the bees, wasps, and hornets in the world saying _Bryce is about to get something nice in his life! We better step in and make sure that doesn't happen._

About ten minutes later, she came back as abruptly as she left. The small bag of ice she pressed against my ankle directed me to let out a sigh of happiness. I laid back on the grass, feeling the cool relief.

"We owe Sal thirty cents," she said, holding the ice with one hand and reaching into her pocket with the other.

"Sal?"

"The man at the general store. Really trusting. I like that in a person." I couldn't help but laugh. I sat up again to watch her looking down at the bag of ice on my ankle and gently patting the bag on my sting. She glanced over at me to catch me staring. I spinelessly looked away.

"Let me have that sweater?" Juli asked. I unquestionably pulled off my cardigan and handed to her. She bunched up the navy blue fabric and lifted my leg, then rested it back on the sweater. "Good to keep it elevated." Is there something this girl doesn't know?

"You planning to become a doctor or something?" She looked up and her forest green eyes mesmerised me.

"Maybe," she let out a shy chuckle. "Is it feeling better?"

"Much," I sighed, "Thank you." Talk about a late apology.

"Good." Juli had a small smile on her face and I couldn't help but mirror it.

"You're a really caring person, Juli." Her smile grew bigger.

"It's just a little first aid." That's when I realized that the great, invincible Juli couldn't even give herself a little credit. I made a promise to myself to fix that.

As we rode back to our neighbourhood, right ankle pinching with pain, I couldn't stop thinking about how we almost kissed.

**JULIANA**

I couldn't stop thinking about how we almost kissed. Not at the Basket Boy lunch, which by now I thought of as a fairly nice memory, even though when it happened I felt strange and uncomfortable and like I wanted to curl up under a table. The almost kiss I couldn't stop thinking about was the one on the bridge. I was the closest I'd ever been to Bryce Loski. I could smell the fabric softener on his clothes and the shampoo that I could have sworn was candy-scented.

On that slow bike-ride home, I wondered if I'd ever get that close to him again. If I'd ever get to kiss him.

When we got to our street, stopping right in between our houses in the middle of the street like we always did, Bryce shambled off the bike, his face red and his mouth pulled in a pained smile.

"I'll see you later, Juli. Thank you for the first aid." I smiled at him and watched him walk his bike to his garage, drop it on the pavement, and limp into the house. I had no idea that that was the last time we would bike together.

The next day, I knocked on Bryce's front door to see if he wanted to ride down to the fair I heard was in town, and was greeted by his tired face. His blonde hair was a mess and he was in his plaid pyjamas. It was strange yet nice to see him in such a private state.

"You don't look so hot," I mumbled. He sighed and nodded, closing the gap between the door and the frame, embarrassingly hiding behind the door. The longer I looked at his reddened eyes, the more it seemed like he had just been crying.

He looked down quickly, as if he could read my thoughts. "Yeah, I must've caught- caught a cold or something."

"Is your sting okay?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, it's not the sting. It's definitely something else."

"I came to see if you wanted to bike down to the fair, but you don't seem like you're in good shape for that." The side of his mouth went up in a smirk.

"Yeah..." Bryce mumbled, "Actually I think I want to-" He stopped talking as if he'd been interrupted. I involuntarily stepped closer and he cleared his throat. "No, yeah, I'm gonna have to pass. Tomorrow, we can go?"

"Okay. Tomorrow," I nodded, unconvinced. "Feel better." He thanked me and smiled, then closed the door.

I spent the next hour biking up to where we went the day before. I was so bothered by what happened with Bryce. Yesterday he tells me I'm caring and almost kisses me, and today he practically pushes me off his front step and won't tell me what's wrong, even though he knows I'm here for him!

I told myself to stop being upset over it. I had to remember that Bryce wasn't the most straightforward of people.

As promised, I went to the general store and found the kind vendor who gave me free ice. Sal. When I walked in, he didn't look the least bit surprised. I put the thirty cents on the plastic counter separating us.

"Thanks again," I softly mumbled, and turned to leave, in no mood to talk to anyone.

"Your name is Juli, right?" he grumbled. I turned to see his greying moustache stretch out with the smile that grew on his face.

"Yes."

"Is your friend okay?"

"Yeah, he's okay," I looked down, wishing I was better at hiding my emotions.

"Is everything alright, darling?" I stepped forward, figuring if I was to put these feelings everywhere, what better place than a corner store an hour away from home?

"That friend... he just kind of brushed me off today. Without so much as an explanation. I know something's wrong with him, but he just won't tell me."

Sal sighed and leaned on the counter. "Nothing makes you feel more crummy that being dismissed like that." I nodded and put my hands in my pockets. "Please, have a popsicle on the house."

"Oh, you don't have to do that."

"I insist! Besides, that freezer's rickety anyway. Better for that ice cream to be eaten then to just melt in there."

"Thank you," I went over to the freezer and picked out a fudge popsicle.

"Say, Juli," Sal pronounced, "I'm getting old and my son just left for a cruise with his aunt and uncle, so I don't have any extra help around here. What do you say about working here for the rest of the summer?" I was apprehensive but something I always thought of myself as was an opportunity-seizer.

"Really?"

"Yes, and I already know you're trustworthy, which is all I need in an employee! You won't have to do much. Just stock and maybe man the register here and there. My son will be back by September."

"That sounds great," I chirped. I was worrying about what my parents would say but I'd cross that bridge when I got to it.

"Swell! And here I was thinking I'd have to do interviews and consider candidates and all that mumbo jumbo. Can you start tomorrow? Say 9 am? I've got about ten boxes of soap to put away and my back just won't let me do the job."

"Definitely, sir!" Sal put his thin fingers beneath the overalls with a satisfied grin.

"Please, call me Sal. Does $1.25 an hour work for you?" I nodded happily, surprised at how quickly my day had turned around.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow, Sal."

The next day, I was at the store, stocking soap and mopping floors, after, of course, spending about an hour trying to convince my parents to let their 14-year-old daughter out into the work force.

Months had passed and I still hadn't spent any time with Bryce. After about five attempts of getting him out of the house, I decided he'd come out when he's good and ready, and for now, I'd be spending time with my family and biking around and working at the store.

It still hurt me, though. That almost kiss on the bridge happened then he just stopped making any effort with me. I wish I could tell him that we could be just friends. As much as I wanted to kiss him, he didn't have to. But I was still left wondering why he tried to kiss me at the Basket Boys lunch

I hated how much time I spent wondering why Bryce was ignoring me.

Before I knew it, it was mid-August. As I stood at the counter, fanning myself from the thick humidity that took over the store, I heard the windchime on the door shake and saw a boy who looked a little older than me walk towards the counter.

His blue eyes studied me. "Who are you?"

"Pardon me?" I snapped. _Customer service, Juli. If they're rude, don't be rude back. You don't want to get in trouble for this again._ I cleared my throat, "My name is Juli, can I help you?

His floppy brown hair fell in front of his eyes, and he blew it out of his face. "Yeah, where's the owner?"

"Sal's in the back, I can get him for you."

"It's fine." He stormed towards the back of the store. Before I could think about tackling him, I heard him shout, "Dad!" And I realized that that was Evan, Sal's beloved son I always heard about. Didn't seem as great as I thought.

Soon enough, they came out together. Sal had a grin plastered on his face, Evan a scowl.

Sal looked over at his son, "I've talked about you to Juli, but I never got to talk about Juli to you! Meet Sal's General Store newest employee." I tried to fake a smile, for Sal's sake.

"Do you need me here or not, Dad?"

Sal looked at me, kind of embarrassed, "You can help us get ahead of schedule and bring all the boxes from receiving to the front?" Evan quickly nods with a tired expression and bolts away. Sal only gave me a tight grin and followed his son.

Minutes later, Evan came back in and rounded the counter, standing across from me as I organized the cash register.

"Hey, Juli, right?" I looked up to see his blue eyes pointing my way. "I'm sorry for when I came in, I was being..."

"A spaz?"

He chuckled, "My mouth runs faster than my brain sometimes."

"I know the feeling," I reply.

"Anyways, I just wanted to let you know I'm not that awful all the time. Just sometimes." I tried to remember everything Sal told me about his son, but all I could remember was that he was two years my senior, a sophomore in high school, and that he wanted to be a mechanic. His lanky figure towered over me and he rested his elbows on the counter and it was the first time I was feeling butterflies in my stomach that weren't for Bryce. Which I felt happy and sad about at the same time.


	2. Chapter 2

**BRYCE**

I felt awful. Watching how dejected Juli looked after I repeatedly gave haphazard excuses for not being able to spend time with her made me feel like a total weenie.

She eventually stopped coming around and it made me feel even worse than rejecting her invitations because it meant she thought I genuinely didn't want to spend any time with her.

I _did. _And I wanted to tell her why I didn't want to go anywhere. Really badly. But I was so bad at it. I was so bad at talking about things like that. And there was something about Juli that made me want to tell her everything. Which I couldn't deal with. Like I said, I was bad at it, anyway and would end up a blubbering mess. I was doing her a favour by distancing myself.

No one in my family except Granddad asked me why I didn't go anywhere anymore, but then again, I didn't expect them to. Lynetta was always gone and Mom and Dad were too busy fighting, which was the reason I stayed in. I knew they weren't happy. And I knew it was a matter of time before one of them would leave.

Dad kept sleeping on the couch and Mom kept visiting her sister for days on end and I just knew that if I spent _any _time with Juli, I'd open up and I'd be an absolute mess in front of her and I just couldn't do it. Not talking about it made it seem less real to me. Which is why when Granddad asked me about how I was or why I looked so tired, I'd change the subject as quickly as possible.

I kept looking out the window to Juli's house and seeing the sycamore. What troubled me, though, was that I rarely ever saw her bike resting under it. She was barely home.

Where _was _she?

I spent a great deal of that summer in my room. I wanted to get away from all the turmoil in the house, but the thought of Juli seeing me this way scared me so much that I reserved all my "outside time" to the late, late hours of the night. Once my alarm clock would hit about two a.m., I'd pull a sweater over my pajamas and sneak down the stairs into the cool summer night.

One night in particular, though, was one I'd never forget.

It had rained that day, so when I stepped out of the house under the starry sky, a thick humidity hit me. I took off my sweater, leaving it on the front porch, and set out to my regular route -up the block, past a little patch of woods, to a relatively empty area with a few subdivisions. I reached my turnaround point, a house with a tire swing, and made my way back to the house I'd grown to detest.

As I got on my street, I heard a buzzing behind me. As it got closer, I realized it was the unmistakable sound of bike tires on pavement. A figure passed me and the long brown hair and purple bike told me it was Juli and for some unknown, stupid reason, I called out her name.

Her head snapped back towards my direction and the bike squealed to a halt. I blinked a bunch of times to try to clear up my eyes and looked at her unreadable expression.

"Bryce," her voice was soft. The way her eyebrows were furrowed made her look angry, but the frown on her lips proclaimed sadness. I was thankful she had stopped in a space between streetlights, so it wasn't bright enough for her to be up, close, and personal with the result of what a crummy summer did to Bryce Loski.

I waited for her to speak. She didn't. So I did.

"What are you doing out so late?" my voice cracked.

Juli tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and swung her leg off the bike, standing with it leaning against her torso. "Couldn't sleep. You?"

"Couldn't sleep," I quickly answer.

"Are... are you okay, Bryce?" She should be furious with me now. I remember when the egg incident happened, she gave me the cold shoulder for weeks, and was quite good at it, too. She could hold onto a grudge. Easily. For a long time.

But now, even though she did seem to have a bit of anger inside her, there was more care in her voice. Maybe it was because we grew closer since the eggs, maybe it's because she genuinely cared that something was wrong. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

"Oh, yeah, yeah. Just really not feeling well lately. A stomach bug, maybe."

"A two-month stomach bug?" she quickly replied. I chewed on my lower lip.

"What have you been up to?"

"I, um- I got a job."

"A job?"

"Yeah, for the summer."

"Where?"

"Sal's General Store. Remember, where I got the ice?" I could tell she wanted to sound tough but the change of tone in her voice gave her away. I nodded, reminded of the last day I was blind to the conflict my parents had clearly had for years. A few seconds passed. "What'd I do wrong?" There was a slight tremble in her voice and I wanted to kick myself a hundred times for being the reason behind Julianna Baker's sorrow.

"Nothing, nothing. It's not you, Juli." I looked down and continued to bite on my lip.

"Then what?"

I looked up at her glistening eyes and her plump cheeks and her shiny hair and I felt like the last person who ever deserved to be with Juli was me. "Nothing."

"Fine," she snapped. She quickly mounted her bike and sighed deeply. I didn't want her to go. But, why would she want to stay with the way I was acting? "Just know that I don't appreciate being treated like this, Bryce. It's unfair. And rude."

And with that, she was gone. As quickly as she came.

I should have told her.

Once I got home, grabbing my bunched up sweater off the porch, I was startled by a noise in the front room. It was Granddad clearing his throat, sitting at his usual chair in front of the window.

"Bryce? What are you doing out so late?" I stepped forward and leaned on the doorframe, happy that he, too, was a fan of staying in the dark.

"Couldn't sleep. Figured I should walk."

"Ah, I see. I couldn't sleep either. This house hasn't been calm in a while, eh?" I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Say, why's it that I never see you spending time with Julianna Baker anymore?" _Why is it that the world just loved crumbling down on me at once? _

"I don't know," I lied. He looked over at me from his chair, eyebrows raised, skin crinkling at his forehead.

"My advice to you, son, is to not bottle up what you feel. Distancing yourself from everything and everyone only puts you in a bad place. I know you're not a coward, Bryce."

"Thank you, sir," I answered, not really digesting his words until I said good night and went up the stairs. Once I opened the door to my bedroom, I knew he was right. I needed to tell Juli everything.

I didn't know why I thought ignoring the problem was the answer. It sure made things a hell of a lot easier, but it wasn't the solution.

I turned on my lamplight and stared at Juli's house from my window and saw the bike resting under the tree. Quickly, I ripped a paper out of a school notebook and found a pen and started scribbling.

_Dear Julianna,_

_I'm so sorry for ignoring you this summer. __It seems that I've just been_

_It's almost three in the morning on August 18th and I just saw you outside. You looked very pretty. I wanted to tell you everything. __I just didn't__ I'm sorry. I guess this is my way of telling you what's been happening. That is, if you still care about me in any way._

_I'm sure that by the end of this year, my parents will be divorced. I know that if I was a better son and if I made them prouder, this wouldn't be happening. __I don't think_

_I need to_

_Even though I know you deserve better too, I still want to spend time with you and I hope you still want to spend time with me. And I hope starting school, this new chapter in our lives, will bring us as close as we were at the beginning of this summer. Did you know that sting left a scar on my ankle? It did. Every time I notice it, I think about you. That is, if I'm not already thinking about you at that moment._

_Juli, I know I'm 14 and just a kid and it may seem dumb, but I'm in love with you._

_\- Bryce_

I folded up the paper and threw it somewhere on the floor and lay in bed. All the shouting that I heard in the past few weeks was circling around in my head and I couldn't shut it off. And as much as I hate to admit it, I cried myself to sleep that night.

**JULIANA**

That night took me for a tailspin. I finally saw Bryce after weeks and all he had to tell me was 'Nothing.'_ Oh, nothing's wrong, Juli, I've just been avoiding you and staying locked in my house and wandering the streets past midnight- just because. Nothing!_

I hated that I told him I got a job. Why should I tell him what's been happening in my life when all I know about him is that he's a terrible liar? A stomach bug. _Please._

Once I got home, happy I didn't wake anyone up in the house with my spontaneous 2:30 am bike ride, I went into the front room and looked at the Loski's house across the street. I saw a light on in Bryce's room and wondering what had gotten into him.

What happened?

Even though I thought I'd regret it, I was glad I asked him what I did wrong. Because the way he quickly shook me off and looked away guaranteed that it wasn't me who caused this spell.

I just wish he could tell me who or what did. I thought we were close enough by now.

_Oh, stop it, Juli._ _It's almost three in the morning and you work tomorrow._

The next day, the store was empty for most of the morning. As I was organizing the candy bars, Evan came up beside me, tossing a novelty keychain from the store up and down.

"Hey, you go to Rockfield?" he mumbled. It was strange that Sal had both Evan and I working, especially on such a dead morning. I'm sure Sal didn't need me anymore, but he did say my "contract" was until September and I think he was too kind-hearted to tell me, _My son's back sooner than I thought so... thanks but no thanks. Turn in your smock._

"Me?" I replied, looking up.

"No, not you. All these customers." I rolled my eyes and shared a laugh with him.

"In September, I'll be a freshman."

"No way you're a freshman! You act way older." The way he spoke, so confident and self-assured, made me admire him that much more. Besides, he looked so cute doing it.

"I wish I could say it's because I have two older brothers, but I think they stopped brain development at 12." Evan laughed at my joke and it made my heart flutter. "And yourself?" I already knew he'd be going into junior year next month, thanks to his father always boasting about how proud he was of his Evan.

"I'm starting the eleventh grade. If you need anyone to show you the ropes, like which cafeteria foods to avoid, I'm your guy."

Evan referring to himself as my guy only made my heart pound faster. I nodded with a laugh and tucked a shiny, golden wrapper in with its look-a-likes.

"Did- did you get your schedule yet?" he asked. I met his eyes and watched him rake back his floppy hair and couldn't help but wonder: did he... _like _me?

"P.E. first period. Arithmetic second. And... I don't remember the rest."

"Not bad," his silhouette disappears behind me, "If you sleep in, it's okay. From what I've heard, Mrs. Brooke doesn't really care if you're late. But to be safe, it helps to bring her M&amp;Ms. She loves them."

"Mrs. Brooke?"

"Girls' gym teacher. Ironic, huh?" I laughed and stood up, hands on my hips, admiring the new look of the candy bar shelf. I felt Evan walk up behind me.

"Looks good," his deep voice made my stomach turn, "Seems a little bias though."

"Bias?"

"If I ever see you with a candy bar, it's a Cow-A-Mel."

_How long as he been observing me? _"And?"

"First thing a customer notices when they look down at the candy bars is a stack of Cow-A-Mel. Sneaky. Bias. Advertising." I chuckle and slightly turn my body his way, his towering mine.

"What am I doing here, then? I should be working for Cow-A-Mel's ad department."

"No, don't leave," Evan half-whines, placing a hand on the small of my back, sending a spark through my body, "If you weren't here, _I'd _have to be the poor sucker organizing candy bars."

Days passed and I found myself loving work more than I expected. And it was all because of Evan. All of a sudden, the summer had passed, and it was my last shift. I was ringing through Mrs. Bell, a regular, and I knew I'd miss the job. The responsibility was nice and Sal was a great boss. Plus, the thought of seeing Evan every morning at work made my days much better. I knew I'd see him at school but... would we even talk?

"Your last day as a Sal's employee, huh, kiddo?" Sal came around to the register and patted me on the back.

"This summer zoomed by," I answered.

"That it did. Thanks for all your help."

"It was my pleasure." Sal reminded me a lot of Chet. Kind, caring, a little bit of hurt behind his eyes. I was sure it was because of Evan's mother. I didn't know what had happened with her, but I did know that she was out of the picture.

I missed Chet, but I didn't want to go near that house. Not until Bryce... _Don't think about Bryce._

"I'll make sure to come down. Employee discounts still count, right?" I teased. Sal chuckled and pulled me into a side hug.

Just then, Evan came around and smiled at us from the other side of the counter.

"Oh, Juli, before I forget," Evan began, "Do you need a ride to school?" My heart thumped. I guess that answered my question as to if Evan and I would even talk outside the store.

"If you- if you think you'd-"

"Yeah, I'm gonna give you a ride to school," he beamed. Thank goodness he interrupted me, I had no idea where I was going with my sentence. I loved how straightforward and _strong _Evan was. He was never afraid to speak his mind. I loved it.

"Now I'm even more nervous about you taking the car," Sal grumbled. The three of us shared a laugh.

The summer was over and it was the day before the start of freshman year at Rockfield High and I was a ball of nerves. I sat in the front room with a book in my lap I knew I'd be too anxious to actually read.

"What's on your mind?" my Dad's voice startled me.

I exhaled. "I'm going to be in high school. Isn't that crazy?"

"Don't remind me," he chuckled, leaning over to plant a kiss on my head, "I swear, yesterday, you were being potty-trained." He sat in his usual chair, lacing his fingers together. I quietly sighed and looked out the window again. At Bryce's house. Even though Evan was a sweet distraction, nothing topped how deeply I cared for Bryce. But once I started thinking about him, I'd think about how he ditched me. One day he's almost kissing me, the next he can't stand the sight of me.

"Oh, I'm getting a ride to school tomorrow. You know Sal's son?"

"Evan, right?"

"Yeah. We go to the same school now and he offered me transportation. At least for tomorrow. Morning." My dad raised his eyebrows.

"Is this kid responsible?"

"Dad," I chuckled. Before he could reply, Matt and Mark charged into the room and picked me up off the chair, my hardcover book dropping to the floor with a thud.

"Freshie! Freshie!" they chanted. I could barely catch my breath at how hard I was laughing as they paraded me around on their shoulders. Mom came around and leaned against the doorframe, one hand on her hip, a smile on her face.

"Guys!" I chortled.

"Our youngest Baker is going to be a high schooler tomorrow!" Matt shouted.

"Hip hip hooray for government-sanctioned education!" Mark chimed. Matt shoved him and I went toppling to the ground. Thankfully, the hit wasn't so hard, and I was still laughing, sprawled out on the carpet.

"I'm just going to high-school! College is a bigger deal," I shouted over their laughter.

"That's not for another two weeks! Live in the now, Juli!" Matt replied. I sat up and watched Mom shake her head and walk away, the same smile plastered on her face. Dad had more of a pensive expression on his face, but I could still see happiness.

Soon enough we had dinner, then dessert, then it was time to go to bed. As I lay there, the moon's glow washing my room in a greyish hue, I thought about everything going in my life. Matt and Mark were starting college, but it wouldn't be a big change since they decided to live at home while attending. Mom had started a book club with a few other ladies on the block. Dad had been enjoying his time at the plant, especially since he'd been given a promotion. And I was happy I could contribute a little bit to the rent. Mom and Dad didn't let me give my whole paychecks, no matter how much I insisted, but they finally compromised and they let me give a fraction of my money. I wanted to help out. The chickens were well taken care of, my egg business was still bustling, and I had quite a lot of money saved up for... whatever I'd decide to spend it on.

Evan was picking me up around 7:45 and knowing Bryce's fears of being late, he'd be long gone by then. He wouldn't see Evan picking me up. If he did, I knew it'd hurt him. And I hated that I still cared. Just like I expected, my last thought of the summer of '59 was about Bryce Loski.


	3. Chapter 3

••¤( BRYCE )¤••

Walking to the bus-stop the first day of freshman year was, to put it lightly, nerve-wracking. Sure, I was worried about starting at a new school and all that jazz, but the letter I wrote Juli sitting in my bookbag was the main source of my anxiety.

I _had _to give it to her. As the minutes passed and I got closer and closer to inevitably seeing her at school, the idea of handing it to her sent my stomach turning. But I was tired of shutting her out and I didn't want to lose her. I had to tell her the truth. Through a piece of paper. Brave was practically my middle name.

I decided to walk that morning so I left early, before anyone else was up in the house. By anyone, I mean Granddad or Mom. Lynetta was at her friend's and that's all I knew about her at the moment. As for Dad, I had no idea where he was. A week ago, I woke up and he was gone and no one would tell me where he was. Or if he was coming back. Not that I asked.

I shook my head as if I could shake the thoughts out of my head.

Once I made it to Rockwood, walking into the busy, crowded lobby, I took the folded up schedule I got in the mail last week and stared at it. A bell rang and I found myself running to the first teacher I saw, asking where S134 was. I followed her instructions and ran to the second storey, hitting in the first seat I saw, panting as the second bell rang.

"Bryce!" I turned my head towards the direction of the call and saw Garrett, sitting in the seat placed diagonally behind me. He was smiling at me and albeit confused, I smiled back. I hadn't seen him since our quarrel after the Basket Boys lunch -we spent what was rest of that school year dealing with our emotions the way boys always do: pretending like it never happened and acting as if we didn't even know the other's name.

"How- how was your summer?" he asked. I shrugged, noticing he had grown some facial hair beneath his chin. And there I was, 15 in a few months and I barely had a shadow.

I shrugged, "Good. Yours?"

"Went to Arizona to see my grandpa and grandma, it was a drag." He was speaking to me like we had never had a falling out at all. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. But I considered that maybe he changed since the last time we talked. Maybe he wasn't so judgemental and narrow-minded anymore.

A lot can change in a summer. Believe me, I know.

"Oh, that sounds lame."

"It was. Do y'know how many dust storms they have over there?" I chuckled. "No kidding! Dust storms and cacti, that's all they have over there."

"Just that, huh?"

"Welcome to your first day of highschool!" I looked over to the front of the geography class to see an elderly woman with round glasses standing with her hands clasped. "I hope you're not too nervous. I remember I was, but you'll get that hang out of it!" A sense of first-day awkwardness filled the classroom as she spoke to us about how she went to this very school, ate at this very cafeteria, sat at these very desks.

"So! First on the agenda is locker assignments." She gave us each a slip and we stumbled out into the hallway, finding our glorified cubbies, then went back to our desks, listening to her rules, then were handed out textbooks. Once we reached the end of the period, Garrett came to my desk as I tried to shove the textbooks into my book-bag.

"Hey, you wanna sit together at lunch? Scope out the highschool chicks?" He had a sly grin on his face and I raised my eyebrows, reluctantly agreeing. We agreed to meet in the cafeteria and I went to my next class. Wood work.

I walked into the class and saw Paul from last year. I liked that we were both what our old gym teacher called "the silent types." We didn't have to worry about engaging in any small-talk. Just gave each other kind nods and listened to the teacher's anecdotes. I invited him to sit with Garrett and I for lunch, which he indifferently agreed to. Afterwards, I had Science. The seating plan made sure to put me in a place far away from the three guys I knew from middle school. However, I _was _ beside Dana Tressler, who I remembered was good friends with Juli.

I peeked into my bag to make sure the letter was still there.

"Hey, Bryce! You got taller," she chirped once the teacher instructed me to sit at the lab bench she was sitting at. No facial hair but I _did _grow. That was promising.

"Hi," I awkwardly replied. The memory of Dana catching me staring at Juli rushed into my head without warning, and it made my spine prickle with discomfort.

"How was your summer?"

"Good," I settled on the stool.

"Mine was awesome! My parents put a pool in, I think I'm part mermaid now!" She laughed and I tried to laugh with her. "My brother told me that Mr. Miller seems strict," she motioned to the tall, skinny teacher brushing chalk off his pants, "But he's actually really easy. I've got the 411 on the evil teachers that crawl through Rockwood." I nodded to her, noticing the sunburn peeling on her nose. "How's your timetable?"

"Good. No... evil teachers yet."

Dana giggled. "Here," she held her hand out and looked at my bright pink schedule, "Let's see?" I passed it to her and she held it right to her face. "Ah, _so_ close to a perfect semester. You have Coupland for English. Just like Juli." My stomach dropped at the mention of her name. "I told her to get in his good graces and become a favourite as quick as possible. But you know her. She said she wouldn't water herself down for approval. _Such _a Juli thing to say." What else did she say? How was _her_ summer? Did she mention me?

I wanted to ask more about Juli, but it seemed that along with my hairless chin, cowardice had followed me from the eighth grade, too.

Dana folded up the paper and put it back on my side of the bench. Mr. Miller handed out lab rules we had to read and sign, then talked about the dangers of an unattended Bunsen burner for what seemed like half an hour. Soon enough, the bell rang, signalling lunch.

"See ya!" Dana squealed. She collected her things and ran out at the speed of light. Was she going to sit with Juli at lunch? Maybe I should of asked. No, it's better that I didn't. Was I going to see her in the cafeteria? I imagined myself smugly walking up to Juli and handing her the note, and her reading it and calling after me and kissing me.

Thankfully, no one was around to see the redness I could feel spreading on my cheeks.

I found Garrett by my locker and let him know Paul would be joining us for lunch. As the three of us sat at the closest table to the cafeteria line, I found myself scouring the crowds, hoping to see Juli.

"Did you see Sherry Stalls? Summer sure did _her _good," Garrett solidified his gaze behind me but I kept my eyes on my tuna salad sandwich.

"Dennis!" Paul waved. A tall guy dressed like he was about to go to his own movie premiere swung around the table and sat beside Paul.

"Hey, fellas!" His eyes were eager and his voice was loud. It was strange to see Paul have a friend so... opposite to him. "This looks good," Dennis mumbled, reaching for a french fry from Paul's cafeteria tray.

"It's not," Paul laughed, then laughed harder when Dennis pulled a face after tasting it. He gulped down the Coke he was holding and burped. "So, cuz," he threw a hand around Paul's shoulder, "Who are your new friends?" Dennis and Paul were family. Finally it made sense.

"Bryce and Garrett," Paul pointed, respectively.

"Well, Bryce and Garrett, there's a freshies party happening next weekend." He was a freshman, too? I guessed he was just the loud, confident type, blending in wherever he was and making friends left and right. A pang of envy hit my chest.

"Parties already?" Garrett scoffed.

"I guess that's highschool," Dennis shrugged, "Anyways, it's at my house on Saturday at ten. Lots of girls have RSVP'd and giggle water's supplied. Parents are gone to a wedding in Des Moines; gotta savour the opportunity, yknow?"

"You got...?" Paul mumbled.

"Yeah!"

"Again? Really?"

"Yup."

"From where?"

"What, you writing a book?" Dennis playfully hit his cousin on the side of the head and Paul laughed. Dennis' gaze went from me to a passing figure behind me and swallowed hard. "Well, I gotta spread the word. Later."

"I hope Sherry's going," Garrett snickered. Not that I cared, but I was pretty sure there was some kind of unspoken rule that friends don't go after friends' ex-girlfriends? But since Sherry was just a ploy that I now felt guilty about, Garrett could chase after her all he wanted.

As Paul talked about Dennis' latest summer party, which I couldn't even picture Paul at, I tore my napkin to pieces, my mind preoccupied. Dad hadn't been home in about three weeks. And Mom had been quiet for days. Lynetta was gone somewhere and Granddad went back to wordlessly staring out the window. I just wanted to get to sixth period and get rid of the letter that was burning a hole in my book-bag and do the first brave thing I've done in a while. I just wanted to see Juli.

••¤( JULIANA )¤••

I just wanted to see Bryce. I thought I'd notice him, maybe in the hallways, maybe in one of my classes. But so far, I was half-way into the day, and he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he wasn't even here?

No, he had to be. It was the first day! He had to be.

I sat at a cafeteria table with Dana, Jessica, Alison, and Alison's new friend Jane, scoping out the busy arena-like room.

"Girls, I'm gonna be huge by the end of this year, and these cookies are to blame," Jessica groaned, breaking apart the cookie she bought at the counter.

"You'll be just fine," Alison mumbled, "At least you can control when you eat them. My grandma basically force-fed me this summer. _Ali, you're too boney. I could snap you in half. Here, eat this entire cake._ The lady has turned me into a planet." The three of them laughed. "I even told her. I was like, I preferred when I looked decent in shorts instead of now. But she's crazy, the lady won't stop!"

"I'm thinking of joining soccer to lose some weight," Jane said.

I wanted to so badly bluster on about how wrong it was to change yourself to fit into somebody else's standards, but I was too lost in thought. I peeled the sticker off my apple and tried to sort through my muddled thoughts.

Dad ran out early that morning because he got a call from Devonhurst. I hoped Uncle Richard was okay. I managed to act alright when I got into Evan's car. Like the only thing that was bothering me was first day nerves. I couldn't help but think about what it'd be like if it was Bryce that I went to school with. I'd easily be able to tell him what had me so worried. But the thought only made me more angry, reminding me that Bryce was quieter than a mouse when something was upsetting him, unwilling to share anything, meanwhile I could tell him everything with ease.

It was interesting seeing Evan in a varsity jacket instead of a Sal's smock, and his hair had more time put into it than usual, the mop it usually was gone and a new slicked back quiff in its place. As he spoke about his car and all the exciting improvements he was going to work on, I watched his profile. Clenched, sharp jaw, protruded Adam's apple, thick, dark lashes. To be honest, I couldn't stop looking at him.

He caught me staring and chuckled in a way that made it clear he was used to girls fawning over him. And even though there were a lot of those girls, _I _was the one in his car, and it made me feel special. He offered to drive me home after school but I declined, figuring I might be signing up for clubs or walking with friends. _And _I didn't want to run the risk of Bryce seeing me get dropped off by an older boy. Like he cared.

"Juli!" Dana shook me out of my thoughts, "You didn't tell me Bryce got even cuter!" I cocked my mouth open, but no words came out.

"Is that even possible?" Alison laughed, nudging me.

"Who's Bryce?" Jane wondered.

"He's Juli's," Jessica replied, putting the last bit of cookie in her mouth, "Off limits."

"You two are going steady?" Jane asked, wide-eyed, as if she'd never heard about a girl and a guy going together and had to know every single mechanism behind it.

"N-No," I stuttered, "We're just friends. Kind of."

"Kind of?" The confusion was clear in Dana's voice.

"I don't know," I shrugged, "We haven't talked in a while." About three weeks, to be exact. If you could count our peculiar exchange that late summer night as talking.

"Well, anyways. He's my lab partner and I thought I should let you know that you have the same English class. So you can hold hands while Coupland brings down his reign of terror." The four of them mockingly hummed _oooouuuu _as I dug my face in my hands. It wasn't to hide embarrassment, though. It was to hide the smile that grew when I imagined holding Bryce's hand.

I couldn't lie to myself and say that the fact that I had a class with him didn't make me happy. It seemed that no matter how cold Bryce had been acting, the feelings I thought I lost for him came rushing back the moment he planted that tree and opened up to me. And they multiplied.

"Speaking of cute boys, I heard that Paul's cousin is having a party next Saturday," Alison said. Paul and she had had an ongoing almost-relationship since I met her in the sixth grade and her eyes lit up every time she said his name. They both were shy, though, and even after years of "macking on each other", as everyone called it, it seemed either was too afraid to make the first move.

"Dennis Gates?" Jane asked.

"I think that's what he said his name was," Alison played with a long, blond strand of hair.

"Oh yeah, at South Valley, he always threw these massive gatherings," Jane began. She _did _seem like the kind of person who followed parties. "We should all go together!"

"Totally. I'm sure we could hitch a ride from my sister," Jessica said.

"What's South Valley like?" I asked Jane.

"Hated it. Half the classrooms didn't even have windows. It felt like a prison," Jane mumbled, "Glad to be out of there and a highschooler now."

"Hi, girls," an older lady came by our table with a clipboard, "Just letting you know club and team sign-ups are held in the gymnasium after school."

"Thank you," I beamed, and she returned my smile, leaving as quickly as she appeared.

"Oh, I 'd love to join book club," Alison announced.

"How someone can read a book _by choice _is beyond me," Jessica mumbled, and Alison light-heartedly threw a balled up wrapper at her.

"I think cheerleading would be fun," Dana said, "I always dreamed about being a cheerleader."

"Yeah, me too," Jessica answered.

"Me, three," Jane echoed.

"Juli?" Dana said.

"I wonder if they have a science club," I thought out loud.

"Oh, I love you," Alison squeezed my shoulder and I laughed.

After lunch, we all said our good-byes and I went on to History. Afterwards, I had Science, where Mrs. Harmon promoted a great deal of science-related clubs, which made me very pleased. As I got acquainted with my lab partner for the year, a girl named Pearl, I couldn't stop looking at the time and thinking that soon enough the bell would ring and I'd go to English and see Bryce.

Finally, the familiar buzz went off and I gathered my things, finding my way to room B110. I could already imagine sitting with him, complaining about Coopler or whatever his name was, laughing and making after-school plans. I spent the past few weeks upset with Bryce, but the thought of seeing him and knowing he was okay became more important at that moment.

I circled into the corridor and made my way to my last class of the day. B104... B106... B108...

Then I saw him standing there. I felt my feet stop beneath me. He paced towards the room, backpack slung over his shoulder, and glanced down at his timetable then up at the room number then around the hallway then finally at me.

He looked more handsome than I could remember. The spring green plaid on his shirt brought out the dazzling eyes I've spent so many years dreaming over. I watched as the side of his mouth twitched up into a smirk and pressed my lips together, about to smile back, until..

"Freshie!" I looked ahead of me and saw Evan. Out of nowhere, he confidently pulled me into a hug, lifting my feet off the ground. The entire time, my eyes were locked on Bryce's, until he quickly looked away.

"How you holding up?" I looked up into Evan's blue eyes and glanced over at Bryce. Except Bryce was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**BRYCE**

My heart had dropped to my stomach. I walked into English, disoriented, as the bug-eyed teacher instructed me to sit at the desk with my name on it. I stumbled up and down the aisles, staring at the ground as other students grazed past me, then plopped down in the seat adjoining a name-tag that had _Bryce Loski _scribbled across it.

I stared at the writing, my thoughts racing. Who _was _that guy? He was clearly older since he called Juli a "freshie." It was crazy how one second we were smiling at each other, as if whatever happened this summer didn't happen and we were back to when times were good, but then the next, she was hugging some random guy and looking at him like he put the stars in the sky.

I sucked my teeth and rifled through my book-bag, realizing I'd completely forgotten about the letter for the last few minutes. I was so determined to give it to her... but now I wasn't sure what to do with this folded up paper that held had every confession of mine.

Getting out my things, I finally lifted my head to look around the room. I knew about half the people. My breath hitched as I noticed Juli walk across the front of the classroom then settle at the desk directly ahead of the one in front of mine.

I couldn't stop thinking about the way that stranger picked her up and the way she smiled at him. My heart was heavy. Imaging Juli being with someone that wasn't me hurt more than I could describe. I hated that I always took her for granted. What was I expecting? After ignoring Juli for the rest of the summer, I was assuming she'd gladly have any kind of relationship with me, all thanks to a measly letter?

I felt like a fool.

The bell rang and Mr. Coupland immediately cleared his throat, standing in front of the chalkboard with his hands in his pockets. This guy wasn't going to be my favourite teacher, that was for sure.

"My name is Mr. Coupland. You will only address me as Mr. Coupland. Not as Coupland, or Coup, or my first name, which you'll never know." I suppressed an eye roll. "This course requires a lot of books and you are expected to treat them with care. I will see to it that you bring these back at the end of the school year in the condition you received them in. If not, you _will _have to reimburse the school." I already figured out his first name. Insane.

After he handed out the books and we wrote our names on the inside covers, Coupland ordered us to read a short story in one of the textbooks. What sent a pang of worry through me, though, was when he said we'd be answering questions about it in groups.

What if I was put into a group with Juli?

After a few minutes spent skimming a story that had something to do with a mountain climber, Coupland told us our groups would be made up of the people in our row. I swallowed hard, then leaned over to look past the guy sitting in front of me and saw Juli's profile as she gazed around the classroom. I liked thinking that she was looking for me.

Desks screeched against the linoleum as everyone in the room shuffled around, until finally, what seemed like the quietest row in the class were facing each other in a circle. Juli sat across from me and I didn't get to see her expression when she realized I was in the group but I wish I did. Her legs were crossed and so were her arms. She pensively looked down at her open book as Coupland blabbered on in the background.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was wearing a sunflower dress that only she could make beautiful, her long hair pulled back. Her green eyes shot up in my direction and I snapped my head towards my new _favourite _teacher. After he handed out sheets and told us each had to have a group representative answer a question in front of the class, which only solidified just how much I knew I'd hate freshman English, I was left staring at a group of five people I didn't know how to talk to.

It was strange that I'd never seen four of them before, yet had an immaculate history with the one directly across from me.

"Alright," Juli took a deep breath, "First question. What's the moral of the story?" The idea of giving her the letter rolled around in my head.

"I think it's about courage," the girl beside her squeaked.

Perfect. Life imitates art.

"So, it's telling us to be brave," Juli pulled out a pencil then looked up at the group, "Everyone okay with me writing that?" She received quiet agreements and a few shrugs, and a smile spread across her face as she stiffly ran the pencil over the page.

"I always forget how to use a pencil after the summer," the guy beside me said. The group shared a chuckle.

Juli shot through the questions, and confidently told us that she'd volunteer to be the speaker. I loved what a natural leader she always was. It was something I admired, and kind of envied. I couldn't believe that I once found this girl unbearable. She was spectacular.

Coupland shushed the class after a few minutes, then pointed to our group.

"Question one?"

"The moral is-"

"Stand up." Juli's eyebrows knotted together and she stood out of her seat, shoulders back.

"The moral is that people need to be brave."

"Okay," Coupland leaned against the chalkboard, looking unsatisfied.

"A-And that in the face of danger, you have to remember what's important."

"Go on."

"Well, Walt has a bad relationship with his daughter, but when he's put in this life-or-death situation, he realizes that their- their problems aren't that serious."

"Isn't that more about the importance of refusing to suppress?"

"Yeah, it's both, I guess," Juli seemed to get smaller. "It takes bravery not to suppress something."

"Okay, but I disagree that the moral concerns bravery," Coupland cockily proclaimed. The urge to hit this guy over the head with my binder was hard to keep controlled.

"But-"

"It's about suppression and instict."

"But doesn't courage have to do with-"

Coupland frustratingly put his palms up. It was clear he wasn't used to getting argued with. "Perhaps it's something a young lady wouldn't understand."

"Pardon _me_?" Juli half-shouted. The room got eerily quiet.

"What's your name, dear?" he condescended.

She opened her mouth as if she was about to scream, but quickly swallowed the words. "Juli," she stuttered.

"Juli, I don't appreciate being yelled at in my own classroom. Now sit down."

"I didn't yell, I don't understand how-"

"Sit. Down."

"You can't treat her like that." Heat prickled on the back of my neck and I felt everyone's eyes on me. Did that voice come from me?

"Just- just because you're a teacher..."

Oh my God, that voice was_ mine._

"...It- it doesn't mean you can..."

_Bryce, what are you doing?_

"D-disrespect people."

"Can _you _give me the right answer?" Coupland raised an eyebrow. It was clear that he wasn't sending me out or scolding me just because the one thing I had in common with him was my gender. It infuriated me. I tightened my lips, not knowing what to say next.

Coupland moved onto the next group, acting as if what just happened didn't happen. I sat there, fuming because he was such a jerk and confused because I did something that was so not... me. As he spoke to group two's representative in his self-assuring way, I looked over at Juli to see she was already looking at me. She widened her eyes and cocked her head to the direction of the teacher, then gave a disapproving shake. I crinkled my forehead and nodded.

It was the first normal exchange we had in months. I looked down at my books, sinking into the warm, unfamiliar feeling of being proud of myself. Although the teacher wasn't exactly a joy, I had a feeling I'd find myself looking forward to this class each day.

Eventually, the gruelling exercise was over and everyone was back in rows. Once the bell rang, I quickly gathered my books and pulled up my book-bag and the crinkled epistle in the side-pocket patronized me as if it was asking, _well?_

"Bryce?" A familiar voice shot me out of my stupor. I looked up to see Juli standing by my desk. "Thank you," she proclaimed.

**JULIANA**

"Thank you," I mumbled. Bryce ran a hand through his blond locks and gave me a tight smile. I couldn't believe he spoke out. To a teacher. An intimidating one. On the first day of school. All because of me.

"He's- he's a numb nuts," Bryce stammered, and I laughed. He looked down, shoving the rest of his books into his bag, the dimples caving into his cheeks as he chuckled with me.

I could see it in his eyes. No matter how many times he tried to mask them, something was wrong.

"I really don't get what the deal is with people who clearly hate kids becoming teachers," I sighed. He stood out of his desk, looming over me. Dana was right- this boy had a growth spurt. We walked out of the stuffy room side-by-side.

"Where's your locker?" Bryce scratched the back of his head.

"By the gym," I scowled, "It's toxic down there." We shared a laugh. I felt an arm hook around my elbow and snapped my head over to see Dana standing there with a mischievous grin.

"Hi, Bryce! Bye, Bryce!" She whirled me around and scurried down the hallway, pinned to my arm. "Get married already," Dana whispered.

"I can't do that if keep kidnapping me like this!"

"So you _admit _you'd like to become Mrs. Bryce Loski! Interesting," she chortled. I _was _a bit bothered that she took me away from my conversation with Bryce, but at least I got to speak with him, even for a little bit. I was determined to find out what had been troubling him.

We met up with Alison, Jessica, and Jane, and the five of us made our way down to the gymnasium for club sign-up.

"Everyone managed to get through the day without sluffing?" Jessica hollered.

"Well, I know for sure that Juli would _never _miss her classes," Dana pulled a strand of my hair and I slapped her away.

"Well, I thought I'd be falling asleep in my Careers class, but I have a pretty good-looking distraction to stare at," Jane snickered.

"Isn't highschool great?" Jessica linked in with Jane, as if officially accepting her into our group, "So many good-looking distractions."

"What's this distraction's name?" Dana asked.

"I never got it," Jane replied.

"One step at a time, Dana!" Jessica teased.

We laced through the crowds and each wandered off towards our points of interest. I made a beeline for the Science Club and wrote my name on the first line. I was happy to find they had a book club, which I signed up for, seeing Alison's name already there. I also wrote my name under auditions for Junior Girls' Soccer.

Eventually, I found Dana, and the two of us set off to find the rest of the group. My breath hitched once I saw Bryce, hands in his pockets, standing next to Garrett. _Ugh. _What was he doing with Garrett?

"Juli..." Dana had her signature undertone of wilfulness weaved into her words, "What _is _going on with you and Bryce? You two have such a long, complicated history."

"Tell me about it," I mumbled. I continued to look at him as we walked back, admiring the broadness in his shoulders.

Dana frustratingly shook me, "No, _you _tell me about it!" I let out a breathy chuckle.

"We just stopped talking over the summer." I swallowed my pride. "He... started ignoring me."

"He's so immature," Dana adjusted the brown headband in her hair, "Boys! They get scared you won't like them back so they chicken out. The male species is seriously deranged."

"I don't know if it was because he was scared I didn't like him ba-"

"Juli Baker." Dana stopped in her tracks and I mirrored her. She bore her brown eyes in to mine. "Any fool can tell that Bryce is head over heels for you." My heart fluttered.

"Well," I shook it off, "I don't-"

"How was English?" I could practically see the hearts in my own eyes and Dana seemed to pick up on them quite quickly, too. "Good, I'm guessing?"

"You won't believe what happened," I slowly replied, letting the drone of the crowds' chatter buzz in my ears. "Mr. Coupland was being a total jerk to me, making some comment about how I won't understand something since I'm a girl-"

"What!" Dana growled. "Sorry, continue."

"Right? Anyways, out of nowhere, Bryce speaks up and tells him he can't be disrespectful."

"Bryce told _Coupland _that?" Dana comically brought her hands up to her cheeks. "What did he do?"

"He kind of acted like it didn't even happen. Luckily."

"So he spends a whole summer ignoring you, then stands up for you to the scariest teacher ever? See, Juli? I told you. Deranged species."

"There you are!" Alison appeared between us.

We all reunited, talking about the teams and clubs we'd signed up for. The four of them decided to take the bus back home but I knew I needed a walk to clear my mind.

As I made my way off the campus of my new school, I couldn't stop thinking about the way Bryce defended me, in his matured, yet still kind of craven voice. He really had grown since the last time I saw him -more into a man. I bit my lip and looked down, brown crunchy leaves tumbling across my path.

I missed him. A lot. And I was hoping that today was an indication that he was done hiding.

I'd never been one to easily forgive and forget. But the way his eyes looked just told me that he had a good reason for acting how he did, and it only made me eager to fix it for him.

I made it home and looked over at Bryce's house, then at the sycamore, then finally at our front door. It reminded me of how Evan picked me up that morning, which only sent another wave of uninvited feelings to my stomach.

I skipped to the kitchen to grab a snack and saw dad sitting at the counter, arms folded in front of him. He always got home from work in the evening... What was he doing here?

"Hi," I chirped, clueless yet pleasant.

"Juliana," his voice was low, "I have some bad news."


	5. Chapter 5

_Greatly appreciate the reviews! Thanks for keeping the story going._

**BRYCE**

I was hoping to see Juli on the bus, figuring that my newfound bravery would allow me to sit beside her and maybe even have a proper conversation with her. Instead, I sat beside Paul, eyeing up and down the rows. I saw Dana, but not Juli.

I kept replaying how I spoke up to Coupland today and every time I did, a rush went through my body. Defending Juli was like a knee-jerk response. I wanted to believe that if it was someone else, or even myself that Coupland talked that way to, I would put him in his place just the same. But something told me I wouldn't. Something told me that Juli brought out something in me no one else could.

Watching the blur of foliage outside the window, I wondered what it'd be like to be in the football team. Pfft. As if a noodle like me make it past first try-outs.

But it was nice to slip into daydreams. Nailing the game-winning score. Mom and Dad and Lynetta cheering in the stands. Juli running on the field and feeling small in my arms as she looks up at me like I'm the only guy in the world for her.

"Highschool's not that bad, huh?" Paul grumbled beside me.

"I could get used to it," I replied, fading out of my haze.

"My brother said before you know it, you're a senior and supposed to know what you want to do with your life."

"I barely know what pi is," I nudged him and we laughed.

The bus reached my stop and I said my goodbyes to the guys I was sitting with then left.

I wasn't happy walking back home with the letter still in my bag.

Why was I so scared?

I arrived home to find Granddad reading by the window. It reminded me of when he told me to read that article about Juli in the paper. If I could go back now and tell that Bryce all that would happen later on, he wouldn't believe me.

"How was the first day?" He had a small smile on his face and I mirrored it.

"Not too shabby," I replied, dropping my heavy bad and settling on the couch. "I signed up for football."

"Ah, carrying on the legacy... your uncle Denny was a quarterback. Before him so was I." It felt strange to not know that about my family.

"Yikes," I mumbled, "Got big shoes to fill." We shared the first laugh the house had gotten in months.

"As long as you're doing what you want to do, son," Granddad said. I marvelled at his words. This man was amazing and it upset me that I didn't realize it sooner.

Was I always so ungrateful? I had to lose Juli to recognize her? Dad had to leave for me to appreciate Granddad?

The memory of that morning sent a pinch of pain to my temples. As Granddad looked out the window, I couldn't stop thinking about it. About Dad's early morning disappearing act. About how I watched Dad from my window a week ago, tossing suitcases in the car as if they were the cause of this broken home. About how the next day when I asked Mom if he was coming back, she shrugged and tears filled her eyes and she walked out of the room.

I didn't understand how a person could've done that... could've left his kids and wife and father-in-law high and dry.

I should've stopped it.

Granddad's thick eyebrows met as he scrunched his forehead, squinting at the window.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I just realized... Richard's car is parked. He doesn't ever come home until dinner-time. Odd."

The fact that my grandfather had stared out that window so much that he memorized other people's routines saddened me.

"Where's Mom?" I mumbled.

"Went to pick up groceries."

"Granddad?" I spoke, "Is he going to come back?"

The room went quiet as soon as Dad was mentioned. Aged, blue eyes quickly met mine.

"Bryce," he began. Letting out a sharp exhale, he turned in his chair. I felt tears burn in my throat.

"Did he say anything to you?"

Granddad swallowed. "No."

"But he didn't leave a note. Didn't call. It's been eight days."

"I'm not sure what's going through that man's head. To just up and leave, to abandon his own-" He massaged his head with a shaky hand.

"Did he even tell Mom?"

"I don't... I don't know. I don't think so," he sighed.

"Have you heard from Lynetta?" I asked.

"She called the house, saying she was staying with so-and-so."

The room went quiet again.

"Is she okay, though?"

"I hope so. No one really says if they are or if they aren't in this family." I raked my fingers through my hair and thought of his words. It seemed like a curse, this inability to express myself.

I had never felt so helpless.

"I knew he was rotten the day he married your mother," Granddad grumbled more to himself than to me, "I could see it in his eyes."

A wobbly breath filled my lungs. I looked at the frail man staring out the window and an intense feeling of gloom came over me. My family was falling apart in front of me and I couldn't even do anything about it.

"I'm- I'm going to get something to eat," I stammered, "Need anything?" Granddad silently shook his head.

As I distractedly ate soda crackers at the desk in my room, I reflected over what a blur the day had been. I'd felt so lost. It seemed the only place I had to feel okay was the place I was in during my late night walks.

I couldn't stop thinking about the letter. How a guy could defend someone from the most intimidating teacher at a new school yet be too scared to give them a measly scramble of words baffled me.

But as I reminded myself that that someone was Juli, my stomach tied into a knot. Imagining her reading what I wrote and knowing absolutely everything made me feel uneasy and relieved at the same time.

My mind granted me the _oh-so _kind reminder of the stranger who hugged Juli. Replaying the incident made me feel fiercely protective over her. Who was he?

I leaned over to look out the window and, as coincidence had it, saw Juli walking out of her house. As she plopped down on her porch swing, she played with the ends of her hair and kept her gaze low. I glanced over at the sycamore, wishing it could tell me all what was going on with her.

_If you want to know so bad, just go over and ask her, you wuss. _The thought was shaken away as soon as I noticed a black Chevrolet abruptly swung into our driveway with a screech.

**JULIANA**

A screech startled me and I looked up to see a car in Bryce's driveway. I watched as a blonde stumbled out from the passenger's side and stalked towards the front door. As my vision adjusted, I could see it was Lynetta.

She pulled at the handle but once it wouldn't open, she banged at the wood veneer without missing a beat. I saw Bryce open the door, and wished I was close enough to see his facial expression... but something told me it wasn't a positive one. Lynetta pushed her way into the house, her bubblegum pleated skirt swishing past her little brother.

As Bryce turned his back to the street, door still wide open, I could hear shouting between them. Smoke continued to spill out of the unknown car's exhaust and I wanted so badly to know who was in the car and what they were shouting about and why Bryce's dad's station wagon had been gone for so many days. But I didn't want to know out of mere curiosity. I wanted to know because no matter how much I tried to stifle it, I cared deeply for Bryce.

As if it was staged, Patsy appeared, her car slowing once she approached her house. She parked, her head snapping to the direction of the shouting as soon as she got out of the car.

"Hey," I heard a voice, "You okay, Jujube?" I looked up to see Mark with one foot out the front door. I opened my mouth but no sound came out.

A shriek echoed through the neighbourhood, "That's just_ great!" _I looked back over to Bryce's house to see Lynetta holding a ball of clothing and storming towards the black car. Bryce followed and Patsy slowly paced forward. Based on the resolute way Lynetta was walking, I could tell the shriek came from her.

It felt wrong watching such a private moment between the family but I couldn't take my eyes off of them.

Lynetta seemed to freeze once she noticed her mother. They exchanged a few quiet words as Bryce watched, then Lynetta turned around and went back into the car with less urgency then she came with. In a flash, the driver of the car reversed the Chevy and sped down the street and out of sight.

I watched as Patsy comforted Bryce with a quick pat to his shoulder. I heard the door beside me close then sensed Mark sit beside me on the swing. He and I silently watched as Bryce and his mother unloaded the groceries then disappeared into the house, returning the silence to the neighbourhood.

"Who was that in the jacked up?" he asked, concern clear in his voice. I knew both Matt and Mark lost touch with Lynetta quite quickly over the summer. One day, she just didn't come to watch them play, and that was that.

"I didn't see," I answered. I could tell both of us wanted to make a comment, but I sensed that it felt intrusive to talk about the Loskis' business.

Mark squeezed my shoulder. "Uncle Daniel's going to be okay. You know that, right?"

My mind quickly dropped the subject of what was going on with the family across the street then raced as it replayed the conversation I had just had with Dad.

_They say this may be nothing. He may have just collapsed out of dehydration._

Beads of sweat on Dad's forehead.

_But we should be prepared just in case._

The ratty collar of his work shirt.

_I'm visiting again in a couple of days to hear the test results. It's up to you if you want to come._

Shakiness in his voice.

I shrugged and Mark pulled me close. "He might not be okay, though," I answered, matter-of-factly. My big brother sighed.

"But he probably is," he retorted.

I imagined the possibilities. The good: Daniel being perfectly healthy and Dad being happy again, visiting his brother often, taking me with him sometimes. The bad crept in: funeral arrangements.

"Are you okay?" Mark mumbled. I looked at his blue-green eyes, just like Dad's but younger.

"I just don't like expecting the worst, I guess." My lips formed into a tight smile, forcing back tears.

Mark sat back, his long legs rocking the swing back and forth. A few moments passed and he spoke again.

"How was your first day of highschool?" I really wasn't in the mood to talk but Mark was making an effort so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

"Not bad. You know who Mr. Coupland is?"

Mark made a gagging sound, "I wish I didn't! Don't tell me you have him."

"Okay. I don't have him," I replied.

"You do, don't you?"

"Yes."

"He's _such _a fream! You let me know if he bothers you. He can't put me in detentions anymore."

"Anymore?" I raised my eyebrows and Mark looked away glibly. "Well, he _can _put you in jail, so I'll pass on the offer." He let out a chuckle and nibbled at his thumbnail.

As we sat there in silence, I stared at Bryce's house and thought of how he stood up for me. About how much taller he'd gotten and how his voice had dropped what seemed like ten octaves and about how his eyes looked so dark and sad. The display I had just unintentionally witnessed in his driveway had something, if not, everything to do with it. His father was as good as gone and he had nothing but a, by now, vanished wasp sting to remind him of the last summer his family was together.

My heart flickered as I thought about how Dana said that _any fool could tell that Bryce was head over heels for me._

I guess I was a fool because I couldn't see it at all. He was just a befuddled teenage boy who wanted to get his first kiss over with and couldn't go through with it, _twice,_ and along the way, planted a tree out of guilt.

The next morning, as I sat at the breakfast table gulping down my orange juice, I watched as the hood of a cherry red car pulled up to the street. It was... Evan's car. I heard a chirpy honk go off twice.

"This boy making a habit out of this, Juli?" Mom announced, stepping towards me and gathering a strand of my hair, brushing through it with her fingers.

I pulled away and scurried to the window, looking through the blinds to make sure it was Evan.

"I wasn't expecting him," I explained. I continued to watch from the window.

"Well?" Mom teasingly scoffed. I collected my lunch money off the table and gave her a quick hug.

Evan gave me a goofy grin as I slid into the passenger seat.

"Hey, you," he drawled. I held my bag on my lap and stared ahead as Paul Anka hummed from the radio. "You blanking me?"

I looked over at Evan and chuckled, "No, sorry. Just a... scattered morning." _Thanks to you. Is this carpooling thing going to continue?_

"Understood," he answered, jaw clenched. "Day two, huh?"

As I glanced over at Evan, I realized that I had completely forgotten about his public display of affection in front of Bryce yesterday, and wondered if Bryce had even given it a second thought. I hated to admit that the prospect of him being jealous was a bit exciting, but it quickly wore off once I remembered that he was already going through enough.

"Day two," I answered, cringing at the awkward conversation.

"What I wouldn't give to be a freshman again," Evan tapped his steering wheel to the slow beat.

"It was _so _long ago, wasn't it?" He laughed with me and I looked over at him again. His blue eyes bore into mine as he smirked.

We reached the school parking lot and got out of his car in unison. I heard someone call his name and turned to see a group of other students calling him over by another car.

"Thanks for the ride," I said softly.

"You want one after school, too?" Evan played with his keys as he paced backwards.

If he didn't ask, I would have forgotten. "Oh, I have try-outs. For soccer."

"Okay, cool," he confidentially smiled at me and turned to join his friends. I couldn't lie to myself and say I didn't dig him at least a little bit. But there was no point in thinking about these feelings.

After my long morning classes, I was sitting at the same cafeteria table as yesterday with the same people as yesterday. It seemed a routine was in the making.

Allison tapped the middle of the table to catch everyone's attention while half of us were talking about and the other half were fixated on their lunches, "Wait, who else signed up for soccer again?"

"Oh, I did," I replied.

"I wanted to," Jessica began, "But then I realized that I'd be losing free time just to run up and down a field."

We laughed. "Guess it's just you and me," Allison chirped. I gave her a smile.

"Oh my God, Juli!" Dana shrieked, startling us, "I almost forgot! Who was that _guy _you showed up with this morning?"

"Guy?" Jane leaned closer.

"Oh, he's just..." I could feel my cheeks heating up, "A friend."

"So you have two guys running after you and all I have is the guy I silently stare at in my Careers class. Life is unfair," Jane whined.

"You're so _mysterious_, Baker," Jessica mocked.

"It means she's trustworthy," Allison announced, "Does anyone want my apple?"

As my friends had their own conversations, I felt outside of everything... even myself. I couldn't get my mind off my uncle. I imagined him lying in a hospital bed, franticly pulling at all the tubes attached to him, calling for his brother to stop the heart monitor's annoying beeping sound.

Eventually, the bell rang and the five of us parted ways.

My next few classes went quicker than expected and as I walked through the crowded, humid halls to English, fervent to see Bryce, I pondered about what exactly I wanted with him. All my life, I guess all I wanted was to call him my guy. Then the eggs happened and Basket Boys happened and the sycamore happened. Then the almost kiss, the not talking to each other for weeks, the night on the street, the Coupland incident... It felt like our story was chaptered off and I just wanted to know what the next ones would bring.

If we even had any.

But deep down, I knew that I wanted to be with him. I felt like I always would.

I settled in my seat, noticing Bryce wasn't there. Then he walked in and I felt my skin get hot under the surface. I felt so magnetized to him, like I had to be with him all the time.

He kept his deep-set eyes down on the ground, then did his signature squint as he looked ahead, forehead crinkled, head still slightly dipped. It was such a simple habit, but it made my knees wobble. The white cotton of his raglan shirt hugged his willowy figure as he walked past me, eyes back on the ground.

I didn't see Bryce for the rest of the class as Mr. Coupland lectured for most of it, pointing his finger at us every so often, as if to remind us we were "inferior." He told us we'd have a quiz at the end of the week, to which a few students quietly groaned, then assigned textbook reading until the end of the period.

Once the bell rang, I rushed to meet Allison by the gymnasium for soccer try-outs. I was as spaced out on the field as I was in my classes, repeatedly misunderstanding Mrs. Brooke's instructions. I definitely didn't give it my 100% because I couldn't get my mind off Uncle Daniel. I just wanted him to be okay.

As I ran with the other girls who were actually trying to make the team, I asked myself why I even bothered to come out when I couldn't focus on anything. Finally, Mrs. Brooke called us back after an hour on the field and told us the list of everyone who made the cut would be up... somewhere the next morning then dismissed us.

Thankfully, I was able to act normal around Allison and joked with her as we made our way to the locker room. I went to the washroom and looked at my reflection, hair falling out and face red. I was ready for this day to end.

We eventually said our goodbyes and Allison went off her direction while I went off on mine. I made my way across the vast field behind the school and watched as a familiar figure came out of the rusted gymnasium door diagonal from me. He noticed me and butterflies flurried in my stomach.

"Hi, Bryce," I could hear myself being smitten and wanted to dunk my head in a tub of cold water to snap out of it. "You heading home?"

"Yeah," he stopped in his tracks, hair darkened from sweat, sticking to his forehead, "You?"

"Yeah." Bryce looked down as he lightly kicked his shoe into the dirt, then glanced up at me through thick lashes.

"Well, let's go."


	6. Chapter 6

_I haven't posted in a really long time, but I'm still into this story and I'm going to try really hard to post regularly. For those who waited, thank you so much._

**BRYCE**

My sneakers sank into the mud with every step. I looked over at Juli, her arms crossed as she silently trudged beside me. After her bold reaction to seeing me, I was waiting for her to speak, but it didn't seem like it was going to happen.

I swallowed hard.

"Where-"

"So, do-"

We shared an awkward chuckle.

"Go ahead," Juli announced.

"Oh, I was just..." My voice was quieter than I was expecting it to be. "I was just asking where you were."

"Try-outs," she nodded. She looked over and the split second of eye contact made my heart stagger. "For soccer."

"Neat," I bit my lip, "H-how'd it go?"

"Eh." It wasn't a very Juli way to react. "What about you? Where are you coming from?" she asked.

"The same. Kind of. Well, yeah, try-outs. For football, though." I cringed at my stumbling words.

A hint of a smile washed across her face. She looked... impressed.

"How was it?"

"Good, actually," I looked down at the browning grass in front of us, remembering the coach's assuring nod to me after I scored against the guy who kept talking about how great of a linebacker he was in middle school. I wasn't sure how I found the bravery to actually give the try-outs a shot, but I was glad I did. I had to learn to do that more often.

"That's good," Juli replied. I watched as she frustratingly tossed her hair back out of her face. Man, was she beautiful.

I cleared my throat. "So, you ready for the quiz?"

"I have a feeling no one could be ready for one of _his _quizzes," Juli replied. I laughed and she smirked.

"But you've always been good at English," I let out. My cheeks filled with warmth. Maybe this prospective bravery habit _wasn't _so great. I looked down at Juli and found that the memory of when we almost kissed on the bridge was rushing back to me. The hot sun, her green eyes, that life-ruining bee...

"Mark told me he had problems with that teacher," Juli said. Another memory entered my mind- this one more unwelcome. Lynetta.

"I'm n-not surprised," I half-chuckled. Juli looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "No, no, not because he's your brother- because of Mr. Coupland."

She shook her head with a snicker, "Speaking of. Mark showed me a short-cut home. It shaves off a good ten minutes."

I followed her, trying to mentally recuperate from all the blabbering I'd been doing. We approached a tear in the chain link fence that made up the perimeter of the school yard. Juli stalked towards the haphazard short-cut, tossing her backpack through the opening onto the pavement, then crouched her way through it. She swung her bag on her shoulder and faced me from the other side of the exit.

"Come on," she encouraged. I surveyed the lowness and the jagged frame of the opening. "It's not as scary as it looks," she mocked. I playfully scoffed at her and she laughed as I awkwardly stooped my way through the fence's open wound, my clothes getting snagged by the sharp metal edges.

I made my way out, but it turned out that only thought I did. I stepped forward but was pulled back as the fence's pricks held me captive, sending the wall rattling. Juli stepped towards me, laughing the hardest I'd ever seen her laugh, her cheeks swelling. Embarrassed, I looked at the sidewalk as she disappeared behind me and detached my backpack from the fence's grizzly hooks.

"There you go," Juli chirped. I stepped out, adjusting my backpack straps. "That was graceful."

I kept my gaze on my muddy shoes and couldn't stop smiling.

"You made it look so easy," I mumbled, to which she laughed some more.

"We didn't calculate your height into the equation," she answered.

We made our way down the quiet suburban street. I cleared my throat. "Where to now?"

"We just turn left up ahead," Juli glanced up at me. Her freckles looked darker, bringing out the rich green colour of her eyes. "It, uh..." she looked ahead, "It just goes out to Elmwood. By the creek."

It took me a little time to stop staring at her and finally speak. "O-oh. Okay. I know where that is." _Smooth._ Ask something. Anything.

"What do you think of highschool?" I blurted out. Cool. Real cool.

"Um," Juli let out a small giggle, "The freedom's nice. But, ugh, my _locker _is really-"

"Yours smells weird, too?" She quickly covered her face with her hands and laughed. "I'm not alone!"

"It's awful."

"Something definitely died in mine."

"Oh, I hope..." Juli's eyebrows rose.

"What?"

She pressed her lips together as the sides of her mouth began to tremble into a smile. "I hope you didn't get Matt's old locker."

I gasped, "What!? Something _died _in his old-"

"No, no, no!" Juli laughed and I felt her hand on my arm. "He just left a lot of food in there. It was toxic! The school actually had to send home a notice after they already asked him to clean it a million times." She adorably shook her head and laughed, her dark dresses falling back onto her face.

I was chuckling and I couldn't stop smiling as I watched her.

"Oh, wow," I gaped.

"I feel like there's a Bakers' legacy I have to uphold." The wind blew her hair back and she satisfyingly brushed away the stray hairs still on her face. "Oh, we cross here." Juli stood in front of me and looked both ways on the street, then signaled to me to follow her as she jogged across the narrow street. She was nothing if not a leader.

"You will," I mumbled.

"Will what?"

"Uphold the legacy. But not with stinky lockers... as classic as that is." She gave me a look that told me _only I can poke fun at my family. _I smirked.

"Hmm," she crossed her arms, "I hope I'm the one that gets Coupland to retire." I laughed with her.

"He seems like the type that would want to carry out the reign of terror as long as he can," I said, "Some people just never want to retire, like Granddad." I could practically smell the can of worms I'd just opened.

A few seconds passed.

"How is he?" Juli asked uneasily.

"Oh, he..." I squeezed the strap of my backpack, "Same ol', same ol'."

"Yeah?" The look in her eyes sent a mix of sadness, nostalgia, and just plain confusion into my chest.

"As far as I know." I shrugged. I didn't want to say anymore about it.

"Well... talk to him. It's always good to have somewhere to let those things out, don't you think?" She was a devious one. As straightforward as Juli Baker was, she had a raw talent for sugar-coating things when she had to. It was her little way of telling me to talk about all that had happened. She knew I needed to let some things out, and she wanted to be the outlet for them.

"I guess." I swallowed hard.

She gave me a smile. It was small, but it said a lot. It said _I understand. _

We kept walking, the wind picking up. After everything last year, I wanted so badly to start off fresh with Juli. To make her realize I wasn't the guy she thought I was. I finally felt like I was getting that chance. Things with us were easy again... just like they were at the beginning of the summer. I chewed on my thumbnail and thought about what to say next.

"That's a bad habit, Bryce." Juli gave me a perceptive gaze. I only stopped because the way she said my name was so sweet.

"Sorry."

Once we turned onto our street, I tried to figure out what to say. That I missed her? That I wanted to start spending time together again? That so much had happened in the past summer, it made me completely forget how to function as a person?

_The letter. Give her the letter. It has everything._

As I nervously considered it, I looked down the quiet stretch of pavement. My feet suddenly stopped beneath me. I felt Juli's eyes on me as I stared at Dad's car, parked right in front of our house.

**JULIANA**

Bryce got really silent all of a sudden and the dimples in his cheeks completely flattened, as if they would never appear again. He kept looking at the minivan in front of his house.

Oh, wow. It belonged to his father.

"Uh, I'll- I'll see you later," I spoke so he wouldn't have to. He absentmindedly nodded, his pink lips parting. His forehead crinkled like it always did and I wanted to talk to him but I figured that too much was happening in his mind.

He began to pace forward, his face looking incredibly puzzled. "I'll see you," I mumbled.

"Yeah," Bryce replied. We slowly parted as I headed home. I watched from under the sycamore as he walked towards the house across the street, opened the door, and disappeared.

I walked into my empty house and stared out the front room window. I couldn't help but feel some anxiety for Bryce.

Finally, I grabbed a snack and went upstairs to do some reading to unwind, but every so often, I'd find myself looking out the window to see if anything had changed.

Later that evening after everyone came home, I was doing my homework when I heard my name being called.

"Phone for you!" Mom hollered.

I jogged downstairs and into the kitchen, talking the heavy phone out of Mom's hands.

"Hello?"

"Hi,_ Juuuuli_," a chorus of voices sang.

"H-hey," I replied.

"How are you?" I could tell that was Alison's voice.

I sighed, "Tired from try-outs."

"Oh yeah! How'd those go?" Dana enthusiastically asked.

"Bad," Alison and I both said in unison. The bunch of us laughed.

"You don't think you made it?" It was Jessica this time.

"We'll see," Alison whined.

"In all kindness, I hope you don't make it just because it means less time to spend time with us," Jessica retorted. We all snickered.

"This is pretty neat, I didn't know you could have a... connected call like this," I spoke.

"Yeah! It's four-way calling," Dana answered.

"Would be five-way but Jane had some Careers project she thought was more important than her own friends," Jessica sarcastically complained.

"Who cares about school, right?" Dana laughed.

"I swear, she'd be done it by now if she wasn't always thinking about that guy in her class!" Jessica replied, then cleared her throat. "I know, I know. Pot calling the kettle black."

We got lost in conversation, each of us talking about what had happened since the last time we saw each other. I knew my after-school story would intrigue them, but I rehearsed it in my head, making sure I wouldn't say too much.

I wanted to say _all _that had happened, just to hear it out loud and try to make sense of it all and find a solution, but I couldn't. It would feel wrong talking about Bryce's business like that.

"So, Juli?" Alison asked.

"Oh, I... I walked home with Bryce."

"_What!_" Dana squealed.

"We ran into each other and... just walked home, no big whoop," I said.

"No big whoop!" Jessica mocked. The four of us chuckled in unison.

"It really wasn't. We just talked about... lockers." I knew that Dana had that _oh really _look on her face, and I was glad I didn't have to be scrutinized in person. I changed the subject. "Jess, are you even considering any clubs or teams?"

We were talking about our sleeping patterns when Dana said her mother was calling her for dinner then all decided it was time to start being productive. We said our goodbyes and I trudged up to my room, my mind racing.

I plopped down stomach first on my mattress and reached under my bed. I opened a fresh notebook I got from Mom a long time ago and decided it'd be a private place for my thoughts. My diary. I was always too impatient to write everything down, since my thoughts tended to run faster than my pencil, but I needed a place to lay everything out.

_September 25, 1959_

_Dear Diary,_

_This is probably going to be the only time I write in you. Sorry in advance._

_ \- I'm still worried about Uncle Daniel  
\- I'm still worried about Bryce and I feel like he's going through a lot but he won't talk about it for some reason and I want him to know I can help and I'm here but all he does is simmer in silence as if that's going to fix anything  
\- I'm still worried about getting used to highschool  
\- I'm still worried about Evan and what he expects from me  
\- I'm still worri_

"Juliana!" Dad called, "Dinner time!" I closed the book and slid it into my nightstand drawer.

"Coming!" I shouted back.

My knife screeched against the ceramic plate as I eagerly cut into my steak.

"...And in my history class, they were talking about those Salem witch trials, that stuff is insane! The things they would do- man! Did you know-"

"Matthew," Mom half-chuckled, "Not at the dinner table, please."

"Sorry," Matt laughed.

"How is the music coming along?" Dad asked. It was the first time he ever changed the subject from school to music, and not vice-versa.

"Boss! I just wrote a new song, we're so cranked to practice it," Mark boasted.

"Lovely," Mom nodded, pretending like she understood, "And Juli. How was your day?"

"Hmm?" I looked up, my mouth full of potatoes. "Oh, good. I had soccer."

"The food won't run away, pipsqueak," Mark lightly pinched my arm. I let out muffled laughter.

"Hey," I swallowed, "I had try-outs today, alright? I'm hungry."

"And?" Mom asked.

I shrugged, "I didn't do so great. I wasn't really into it."

"That's okay," Mom answered, her smile big, "Everyone has something they're good at. If soccer isn't your thing, something else is!" My heart warmed at her positivity.

After dinner, I finished up homework and was too tired to write any more in my diary. I chuckled over the fact that I couldn't even finish an entry.

I laid in bed and listened to the house settling down. Doors closed and light-switches flicked and the wood surrounding me seemed to sigh as it was filled with darkness. My eyes got heavier and heavier as I stilled, curled up.

My heart lurched once I heard some low, spaced-out clonks, forcing me back into consciousness. I laid there frightened, waiting for the next rattle, hoping it would be clear enough to show me where it was coming from.

My window. I turned my head to see a dark shadow on the other side of the class. My body jolted, sending me backwards on the cold hardwood. My feet tangled in my comforter, I watched the unmistakable figure of a person knocking on the window.

"Juli?" I heard Bryce's voice. I made the connection and kicked off the blanket, bringing myself to stand. I tip-toed towards the window and maneuvered the curtain to peek from the side.

Sure enough, I saw Bryce, his head dipped as he rubbed his eyes with his knuckles. I tapped on the window with my fingernails and this time, he was the startled one.

He made eye contact with me and gave me an unsure smirk. I unlocked the hinge and slid open the glass.

"Bryce?" I whispered.

"Could I... could I please stay over?" His voice was hushed, "I'll sleep on the floor. I'll just- I'm so tired, I'm sorry, it's-"

I studied him in the the little light I was given, my instinct kicking in to help him. "Wait at the front door."


	7. Chapter 7

_Hello :) Hope you like this one!_

_Shout out to BadWolfBabe for her general awesomeness!_

_Thank you for following and reviewing and most of all, for your patience :) Love you all._

**BRYCE**

I couldn't see Juli's face in the darkness when she opened the front door. Once I stepped in, we passed the kitchen, then the washroom, then some other rooms that I assumed were bedrooms. My heart dropped at the thought of someone walking out and seeing me.

Once we got into her room, Juli shut the door and leaned against it, arms against the surface as if someone was kicking to get in. The only light was coming from the moon and her eyes were glazed in the blue hue. She turned and locked the door.

Juli opened her mouth to talk, but it seemed like she had no idea what to say.

"Sorry," was all I could spit out. She dismissively shook her head and walked past me, grabbing her comforter and an extra pillow from her bed. I watched as she laid out the blanket between the window and the bed. She placed the pillow down, looking back at the door. I felt a thick air of awkwardness form the longer we stayed silent. I marvelled at how efficient she seemed over doing something so spontaneous and foreign.

"I hope this works," she whispered, the hush of her voice making the moment even more intimate. Juli sat on her bed, the springs squeaking, and I slowly made my way over to the impromptu bed she made for me.

"Thank you," I croaked. The flannel of my pajamas was still cool from the September air. I settled onto the hard floor, feeling the hardwood underneath me, and pulled the duvet over my shoulders. My head sunk in the pillow and I could immediately smell Juli's balmy scent. My eyes were wide open as I gazed through the space under the bed to the closed door. I swallowed the lump in my throat, not sure if I should say anything else.

If you told me last week that I would be lying in Juli's room in the middle of the night, I would've called you nuts.

I supposed I ought to explain to her why I came. Heck, how could I when I didn't even quite know? _This is what happens when you do things impulsively, Bryce. You end up on a cold floor next to a girl you can't stop thinking about and having to act like you don't spend all your time thinking about her._

_Okay, maybe it's not entirely bad._

"If- if that's too uncomfortable," Juli said softly, "You can come up he-here." It was a rare event to ever hear Juli Baker unsure in what she was saying. My heart felt like it was throbbing. I continued to look intently into the dark air.

"U-um," I stuttered, knowing I wanted to say _yes _really badly, knowing I wanted to be close to her, knowing I still hadn't quite passed the macho man crash course I seem to be accidentally enrolled in. "This is okay."

"Okay," Juli mumbled, her voice sing-songy but her demeanor jittery, "Do you need anything else?"

I wondered if she was implying that I might need someone to listen to the story about how I ended up spending an unprompted nightcap at my neighbour's house. But the hour of walking I had just did combined with football try-outs combined with simply being a member of the Loski family had proved me rather incompetent to do anything but sleep.

Besides, the last thing Juli probably wanted next to a dude on her floor is an emotional dude on her floor.

"No, thank you, Juli," I answered, her name feeling warm in my mouth. I heard the mattress squeaking again as she got comfortable and let out a deep exhale. The docile way she breathed made me feel guilty for not even explaining to her what I was doing there. I realized I'd been keeping her in the dark for way too long, no pun intended, and knowing Juli, I couldn't fathom the amount of strength she had to muster up to be so patient with my silent spell.

I licked my lips, "I don't want to be in the same house as him."

The words lingered in the room and I was afraid Juli had already fallen asleep.

"Come whenever you need," she answered into the cool air. I instinctively brought my pointer finger to my mouth and began to chew on my nail. The distinct sound of tooth meeting nail clattered in the room.

"Bryce," Juli snapped.

"I know, sorry," I countered quickly. My jittery reaction earned a laugh, dismissing some of the tension out of the room.

"Have you always had that habit?"

I pondered. "It started in Miss Wallace's class."

"Her music class?" Juli sounded amused.

"Yeah," I murmured with a chuckle.

"It must've been from nervousness," Juli answered, "She'd always call on people randomly."

"Yeah, right?" I laughed. The memory of Juli and I biking through Mayfield's streets suddenly came into my mind. The sun beating down on us, the wind hitting every inch of our skin... it sent a pang of guilt into my chest. Ditching Juli the way I did this summer was a shitty thing for me to do, and that's putting it lightly.

"Part of me sorta misses elementary school," Juli said in a tired voice. It reminded me that I interrupted her mid-sleep and the feeling of culpability pinched my stomach. I laid motionless on the floor, curled up under the blanket that was still a little warm from Juli's very recent proximity to it.

"Yeah," I agreed, not wanting to burden her with conversation any longer. She continued.

"My dad said something about nostalgia just tricking you into thinking times were better when they weren't," Juli breathed. I was silent, thinking about the time before Dad left. I thought he was gonna stay gone. I was sure of it. "You know what I mean?"

"Yeah," my voice cracked in the dead of the room, "I can see that."

Being in the same room as her gave me a sense of calmness. I shuffled, the hardwood promising me a back ache in the morning.

But who cares? Any place was better than the house across the street.

I closed my eyes, holding part of the pillow in my fist. My heart was racing while every other part of my body was slowing down and ready to fall asleep.

"Good morn- I mean, good night," I stuttered. Juli let out a crack of laughter as I cringed.

"Good morning to you, too," Juli sighed, chuckling. Her laugh only made my heart beat faster. Like it always did.

An excruciating blare ripped me out of my dream. I shuffled around, trying to make sense of where I was and how to make that annoying sound stop. I opened my eyes to a blue ceiling.

The alarm clock's shrieking was silenced and I heard a deep sigh somewhere above me.

I was in Juli's room. On the floor. I actually came to her window in the night and asked to sleep over. Oh God.

I heard the unmistakable pitter patter of rain against the window.

I very slowly turned to my side, feeling the muscles on my back painfully stretch out. I looked around the room, the sun's rays exposing every nook and cranny. My eyes adjusted as I stared down at the hardwood floors, where Juli had bundles of clothing thrown everywhere and a display of her open school bag, books and an empty water bottle spilling out of it. My eyes explored the space under her bed, which was fairly empty, except for a single sock by the frame post and the silhouette of something up by the head of the bed.

My vision instinctively gravitated towards the unknown item, which turned out to be a small, baby blue notebook. It was wide open... Did she always just drop objects like that when she was done with them?

My curiosity hit me and I slightly angled my head to see what the book had to offer. I saw little, crooked penciled in words taking up half of a page. I focused my eyes to see it was some kind of list... Then I saw my name.

_...about Bryce and I feel he's going through a lot but he won't..._

I shuffled closer to the notebook from my laying position, letting out a grunt as my muscles protested against the awkward position.

"Bryce?" Juli's tired voice startled me.

"H-hey," I worryingly replied, snapping my head up in the direction of her voice. Thankfully, she wasn't looking down at me to see the blatant invasion of her privacy I was committing after she did such a nice thing for me.

"Juli, honey," Mrs. Baker's voice was distinguishable from the kitchen, "Do you want scrambled or sunny side up?"

"Uh," Juli called back, "Scrambled, please!"

All this sudden talk about eggs reminded me of the whole egg incident last year. I hoped it didn't do the same for Juli's memory.

"What time is it?" I asked, slowing sinking down to place my head back on the pillow.

"7:40," Juli replied.

"_7:40?_" I quietly snapped, "Do you always get up this late?"

"What? It's just enough time," Juli answered casually. I propped myself up just enough to peek over her bed. She was sitting up against her flower print pillow, picking at her nails with a pensive look on her face.

"Yeah, if it takes you five minutes to eat and get ready."

"How long's it take you?" Juli looked over at me, and by the way I was sitting, I could tell she could only see my eyes and the upheaval my hair was every morning. She, on the other hand, looked quixotically pretty. Her hair cascaded down in smooth tresses and her lips were a little more plump than usual.

I swallowed hard.

"The normal amount for human beings. About 20 minutes," I smirked. Juli gave me an easy smile and looked back down at her hands. I knew I had to leave and deal with going home and get ready for six hours of boredom all within five minutes to catch the bus, but I was too soaked up in the pleasantness of being in Juli's company that I couldn't even worry enough about it to get up.

"I love sleep too much," Juli answered, shrugging.

"I don't sleep en-"

"Juli! You're going to be late!" Her mom called again. Juli's eyes darted to me, then to her window, then to me.

"You're gonna have to go through the window," she said, using her logical voice.

I looked behind me to the pane of glass I was knocking on just a few hours ago.

"O-okay," I answered. I awkwardly brought myself to my feet, snatching up the blanket and pillow she gave me in a ball. Juli slid out from under her blanket and stood up on the other side of her bed, rubbing her eye with the back of her hand. I inelegantly handed her the contents of my bed, and she hesitated, then took them and held them against her stomach.

She looked up at me with her gleaming green eyes in the middle of her disorganized bedroom.

"Thank you," I subconsciously smoothed my hair over.

"I hope everything's okay," she cleared her throat, "I'll... see you at school?" She squinted as her face turned into a chary expression that said 'this is really weird.'

"Juliana!" her mother called again. Juli's eyes widened and I let out a small laugh.

"Alright," I cleared my throat, gracelessly turning around and unsuccessfully pulling at the window. I quickly found the lock, flipped it, opened the window, slid the screen over, and clambered out of Juli Baker's room.

I wanted to look back at her but it was too surreal.

**JULI**

It was too surreal watching Bryce through my window as he scurried away in his pajamas, the grey sky drizzling rain down on him.

I looked down at the blanket and pillow he used, biting my bottom lip and trying to register all that happened. The stripes of my pajama shirt reminded me that I had approximately 30 seconds until Mom would potentially kick in my door and start getting me ready for school herself since I apparently couldn't.

I slipped on cuffed jeans and a white blouse. After pulling my hair back, brushing my teeth, and getting my school bag ready in record time, I sat at the table and started practically inhaling my eggs.

Bryce's tired, sad face came into my mind. Watching him tap on my window with the most miserable look I've ever seen on a person last night was something I couldn't stop picturing.

"Did you have a bad sleep or something, honey?" Mom asked me.

"Hmm?"

I heard a honk outside and I couldn't believe I didn't even think of the possibility that Evan would be here again. He really _was _making a habit out of this. I looked at Mom who was already watching with me with an unreadable expression.

"Everything okay?" Mom said.

I nodded, chugging down my orange juice. I swung my bag around my arm and dashed out the door, grabbing the umbrella Mom was calling after me to grab, and hopped into Evan's car panting.

"Where's the fire?" Evan chuckled, his usual side-smirk making an appearance.

I met his eyes and gave him an unconvincing smile, "It's just been a- um, a hec-hectic morning."

"Paul Anka's good for that," he turned up the music with a sharp turn of his hand. I chuckled to myself, thinking about the amount of Anka-related complaints I've heard from Matt and Mark.

I looked out at the window as the song about a girl named Diana carried on. I couldn't stop thinking about Bryce. How bad must it have been in his house that he swallowed so much pride as to ask help from me?

I wondered what it'd be like at school today. I thought about the chance of him freezing me out and it gave me a pang of fear, for some reason.

I felt myself slowly becoming the same love-struck girl I was when I first laid eyes on Bryce. And even though so much had happened since then, the fluttering in my stomach felt exactly the same as it did then. Thinking of what his morning voice sounded like and what his morning hair looked like made my heart flurry with awe.

"You like this kind of music?" Evan shouted over the song as we rolled through a stop sign.

I snapped out of it, looking at him and getting a new wave of emotions, "Yeah." Evan looked at me as if he wasn't pleased. It gave me a pang of bitterness. "By the way, you don't have to worry about driving me every morning."

"But I like you," he playfully crooned, chuckling. The windshield wipers squeaked.

What kind of like was he talking about?

I hated to admit it, but his charm and confidence impressed me. He didn't seem like a manipulative person, but he definitely didn't seem like a pushover, either.

"Do you not want me to drive you?" His eyebrow was raised. I nervously scratched behind my ear, really not knowing the answer to that question. I enjoyed his company, but at the same time, I was worried that he was expecting something. He _was _two years older, and I couldn't think of him as any kind of scuzzball, and I didn't even know what kind of _like _he felt for me, but the possibility remained at the back of my mind.

He confused me.

Evan seemed to sense that I was uncomfortable and a concerned expression spread on his face.

"S-sorry," he stuttered, "I thought you wanted-"

"No, no," I nervously answered, not knowing what else to say.

"How about this?" Evan turned down his music. "Any morning you want a ride, you give me a call."

A rush of relief spread through my body, "Okay." I looked down at my lap, thankful that he was so quick on his feet. I always thought I was, but any kind of fabrication or diversion was never really a strong suit of mine.

Evan fluffed his brown hair, his quiff falling flat.

"How's your dad been?" I asked.

"Ah, I'm so glad you reminded me!" Evan hit the steering wheel, "He wanted me to ask you if you could work any more shifts. He explicitly told me to tell you not too feel pressured, but since his _darling_ son might be doing some volunteer trade work at a garage, he could use some help."

I remembered that Evan was an aspiring mechanic and felt overjoyed for him.

"That's so cool," I said, "The trade thing, I mean."

Evan gave me a proud smile, "Thanks."

"Let Sal know I'd be happy to," I answered.

"Man, Juli," Evan shook his head as we pulled into the school parking lot, "When I was 14, the last thing I wanted to do was work."

"That's _still _the case," I teased.

"Oh!" Evan acted scolded, and both of us laughed.

We had to jog into the building since it was raining harder. Evan shook his hair out as soon as we got into Rockfield High's lobby, and I wiped the raindrops off my face and arms. The five-minute bell rang.

"Damn," Evan looked at his watch, "I'll see you later." He bolted across the lobby towards the west stairs. I exhaled as my heart raced, not only from the run.

Classes seemed to drag on until lunch. As I walked towards my locker, my stomach groaning, I was finally at terms with last night. At least, it didn't seem dreamlike anymore.

All I could think about now was what my next encounter with Bryce would be like. Would we talk about it? I hoped so, but knowing Bryce, it'd be easier to convince him to pull his own teeth out than to discuss anything serious.

I sighed, part of me feeling mad that he was so bad at talking, and the other part feeling guilt that I was angry at him after everything he'd been through.

Our usual table in the cafeteria was clear, and I was surprised not to see Jessica and Jane already there. I put my bag up on the table and started rifling through the contents, my lunch proving itself to be incredibly hard to find.

Dana's lunchbox materialized on the table, and I looked up to see her smiling face. My eyes darted to the figure standing behind her, and saw Bryce.

My mouth went dry.

"Hey, Juli," Dana had a grin that could only be described as conniving. She sat down across from me, and looked up at Bryce and the boy behind Bryce that I didn't even notice, Paul, who I recognized from last year, but don't think I ever talked to. "Go ahead, we don't bite," she said to them.

I watched as Bryce's brown eyes moved from his tray to the table's bench to me. He slowly sat down diagonal from me, beside Dana. I could feel another pair of eyes on me -Dana's. I looked over at her with raised eyebrows and she gave me an innocent shrug.

"Hey," I said to the both of them. Both the boys' quickly looked over at me. Paul gave me a nod of his head and Bryce replied.

"Hey." He focused on opening a pudding cup and I continued to study him, the bags under his eyes dark and the hair on his head styled.

"Where's your lunch?" Dana asked me as she unfastened her lunchbox. I looked at her then back into my school bag. I shook my head, then it came to me.

"I forgot to grab it this morning," I sighed.

"Hey," Allison's familiar voice was behind me, sounding puzzled. She sat on my right side, her eyes on the new members at our table.

"Here," now it was Bryce's voice. I turned to him and saw his arm extended to me, a green bill underneath his hand. "I think they're selling cheeseburgers today."

I looked down at the five then up to him then over to Dana then back down at the five.

"Guys!" Jessica appeared at the head of the table, and I saw everyone's head snap towards her from my peripheral vision.

One more sudden appearance and I might have had a panic attack.

Jessica's face dropped once she noticed the small group of boys that was sitting with us. She leaned towards Allison and I. "It's Jane. I could use some help."


	8. Chapter 8

_Big thank you for the readers and reviewers! Very sorry for how long this one took to come out. But as of now, my school year is over which means all my attention will be here :)_

**BRYCE**

"It's Jane," the flushed girl said to her friends, "I could use some help." My gaze went to Juli, whose green eyes were wide.

"What's wrong?" Dana worriedly asked, standing up and hitting me with her bag as she swung it around her shoulder.

The girl's eyes darted between Paul and I with a look that could kill.

"Just come," she said. I looked at Juli again, who was already standing up. The girls flocked behind their friend. Juli gave me a tight-lipped grin as they hurried off.

"What the heck was that?" Paul muttered. It was the first exchange we had since Dana found us walking towards the caf and offered (actually, demanded) that we all have lunch together. I'm pretty sure she might have followed me after Science, then acted like she randomly bumped into us. I had no idea why she did it, but I wasn't against the idea at all. As awkward as things were between Juli and I since last night, the feeling I got when thinking about seeing her again was always an invited one.

I wanted this lunch thing to continue being a... thing. I liked the idea of sitting with Juli among friends every day. Granted, I'd prefer it be just her and I, but I don't deserve to be picky.

I started at the $5 bill on the table, remembering the embarrassment I felt only a few seconds ago. I'm sure people in the next room could hear my eagerness to help her. After she's done so much for me, the least I could do for her was get her lunch.

I just wish I hadn't been so obvious about it. I swore that Dana was milliseconds away from making a comment about Juli and I that would've made the whole table uncomfortable. I grabbed my emergency food money and stuck it back into my school bag.

The humidity from the morning's rain storm had made its way into the cafeteria. I raked my slightly damp hair back.

"Why are you guys sitting all the way over here?" Garrett's voice was loud. He circled around the table and settled beside me.

Paul and I looked at each other.

"Dana Tressler," I answered.

Garrett gave us a puzzled look, unscrewing the cap on his soda.

"Who?"

"She was in our class last year," I replied.

"Eh," Garrett shrugged, "Not important." We were only a few days into the school year and I was already getting tired of him again. "Do any of you remember long division?" Garrett pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and placed it between Paul and I. "This is due next period."

After lunch, I sat in my Careers class, tracing the scratched-in graffiti on my desk, thinking about last night. I tried to recall it chronologically so my mind wouldn't feel any more muddled than it already did.

Seeing Dad's car outside of the house felt like a punch to the gut. Especially since Juli was right beside me, seeing it too.

I found it wild how quickly my mood changed upon seeing Dad's car. One second, I was happy and wishing I didn't have to go home so I could keep spending time with Juli, then the next, I was a mixture of shock and resentment, and my reason for not wanting to go home had completely changed.

A collective chuckle came from the class, surely due to yet another joke Ms. Ludley had cracked. I faked a smile, even though no one was looking at me to fall for it.

Walking into the house yesterday gave me a chill through my body as I realized that any boundary I had between me and my problems at home was gone. I could hear chatter coming from the back of the house as I slowly took off my sneakers, remembering specifically how the blisters on my feet stung. I had peeked over into the living room, seeing Granddad just as I expected to. He turned to look at me and I quickly settled on the couch next to his chair, not knowing where else I could go.

"He's..." was all I could say, and Granddad's words seemed to fail him too, as all he could do was nod. It occurred to me that the more that time had passed, the worse I felt for Granddad. At least I had school to get out of the house. He had nothing. For a while, Juli kept him company, and I was sure she would have continued to if I hadn't made her feel unwelcome. I felt like everything I'd done in the past while just hurt people.

The coward in me couldn't peel myself off the couch, no matter how badly I wanted to know what was going on in the other room. Granddad's blue eyes stayed on me.

"When?" I whispered.

"Not too long ago," he spoke at a normal volume, and it startled me.

I was pulled out of my memory recall when the girl sitting in front of me was pushing a stack of papers in my face. I habitually took one and passed it behind me without looking to check if the person was paying attention.

I looked down at the aptitude test. I always heard that Careers is easy, but I didn't expect _this _easy. I couldn't believe that doing a couple questions about my interests was considered homework.

As I mindlessly checked off some "agrees" and "disagrees", my mind drifted back to yesterday.

Dad looked different. It was weird to see him so... defenceless. Mom had a crooked smile on her face and Granddad was still in the front room and I could tell that everyone more than noticed the absence of Lynetta. She had called the night before, unconvincingly saying she had come down with a cold which was why she was missing her the first week of the extra semester of high school that she fought so hard to get Mom and Dad on board with. She stuck to the story of staying at her friend Marg's house. I couldn't believe that I missed her, snarky comments and all, but I did. I at least wanted to see her at school.

Dad didn't even explain, really. He just made some comment about a grass stain on my jeans that I didn't know how to take. And that was that. Mom made dinner while Dad sat in front of the television just far enough from Granddad and even though things seemed to be starting to get back to normal, I knew they never would, because even though a few days may seem short in hindsight, I don't think anyone would ever forget the fact that Dad left.

I checked off another box as the bell rang in time to interrupt me from recalling the awkward memory of sleeping on Juli's floor. I don't know what came over me to resort to knocking on her door and risking one of her parents answering, all just to get out of the house... It was a blur, and frankly, I'd like to keep it that way. The less I remembered, the better.

Then again, the opportunity of seeing Juli Baker first thing in the morning wasn't something I wanted to forget.

I twisted to pick up my book-bag from under the desk and my back protested in pain. As everyone spilled out of the unventilated classroom, a sound came from the PA system. I made my way to English, my stomach stirring in anticipation of seeing Juli again.

As I paced down the hallway, the words "junior football" on the announcements made my ears perk up. I slowed down by a corner and looked up at the nearest speaker in the ceiling, as if staring at it would make it more comprehensible. By then, the soft voice started talking about volleyball and I sucked my teeth in frustration. I was all of a sudden so eager to find out if I'd made the team, when yesterday it felt as if I wouldn't even care enough to check. I made a mental note to go to the gymnasium and figure out where the list of final cuts would be, which I wouldn't have to do if I could hear the announcement.

I walked into English, and when I saw an unfamiliar middle-aged woman writing on the chalkboard, I felt the highest form of relief realizing that I wouldn't have to deal with Coupland today. My eyes automatically went to Juli's seat, to find that she was already looking at me. I subconsciously smoothed my shirt down and nearly winced at how obvious I was to look good for her. I didn't know if she blushed but I definitely did.

I settled in my seat as my memory ran through last night and how restlessly lying in bed turned into a swift walk outside that couldn't satisfy what turned into frustration over Dad coming home, which turned into the decision that I just _couldn't _sleep at home, which turned into the erratic choice to sleep over at Juli's.

The look on her face when she noticed it was me knocking on the window was one I couldn't forget. I wanted to run once I realized what a stupid idea it was to be there, but my feet felt like they were as rooted into the ground as the baby sycamore was.

_Come whenever you need, _she said.

"Okay, hi, every-" The sub was interrupted by the period bell. She casually placed her hand on her hip and waited, then continued her sentence, quick as a whip. "Hi, everyone. Your regular teacher couldn't be here today."

"Thank God," a voice from the back said, sending a chorus of chuckles. I could have sworn I saw the sub's lips twitch up into a smile.

"As I understand, you have a quiz tomorrow, so this is meant to be a silent study period, and I'm to give you your homework at the end of the period. I was thinking, however," she raised an eyebrow, "I could give you your homework now so you could do it in class and not worry about it tonight."

For the first time in that classroom, I heard sighs of relief.

"Feel free to work in groups," she comfortably said as she turned to the front desk and picked up a stack of papers, "Just please keep the noise to a minimum."

I heard someone close to me quietly ask why this lady couldn't be our permanent teacher and I nodded to myself in agreement.

"Bryce?" My breath caught once I heard my name. I turned around to the source of the sound. "Wanna be in the group?" I looked at Juli and the two other faces who had their eyes on me.

I smiled, "Sure."

**JULIANA**

As Dana and Allison and I rushed to the washroom behind Jessica's determined march, I couldn't stop thinking about how badly I wanted to stay back at the lunch table where Bryce was. I could tell that I was drifting back to the place where I reveled in Bryce's company, and a little part of me was worried it would end up hurting me again.

"What's going on?" Allison hurriedly asked.

"Jane's having an episode," Jessica said, "She got into a fight with her mom this morning. Over _nothing._ Her mom was just in a bad mood!"

"Oh no," Dana chimed in.

"Oh no's right," Jessica replied, "Her mom's grounding sentences are brutal. Like, this one time, she grounded her for an entire month and didn't let her go _anywhere_, not even my house."

"Yikes," I said, reflecting on how Mom and Dad have never even grounded me, but just had long talks with me whenever I caused any trouble, "Is she okay?"

"She refuses to leave the bathroom stall," Jessica said, "I figure four of us would have a better influence than just me."

When we got to the bathroom, we were already ten minutes into the lunch period, meaning the restroom was in its usual deserted state. The only occupied stall was in the corner, where I could see Jane's usual penny loafers.

"Hey, Jane?" Jessica called, leaning against the stall door, "We're all here and we really want you to come out."

"I'll be fine," a concealed Jane replied in a choked voice.

"Come on," Jessica mumbled, her concerned state a surprise to me. I hadn't realized how much she cared for her friends. "My mom packed a Blondie I'm willing to ration," she said suggestively, earning a chuckle from the other side of the stall door.

"What happens if she doesn't let me go to the party?" I heard Jane sniffle.

"We'll sneak you out," Allison spoke up.

"Windows _do _have more than one function," I retorted, remembering last night.

"Yeah," Jessica crossed her arms, amused, "That's how much we love you."

The door's lock squeaked as Jane peeked out of the stall, her cheeks pink and her eyes pinker.

"Girl, that dress is _so _cute!" Dana squeaked, holding her hands clasped as if she was just proposed to.

Jane smiled as she pulled both sides of the floral piece, "Thanks!" I felt a sense of accomplishment. We did our job as friends.

I looked at Jane and was reminded of Bryce and how much he disliked being in his house, too. I sometimes felt guilty over the fact that I had such a good home-life when lots of other people didn't. How come I was lucky and they weren't?

"I can't wait to move out," Jane said as she made a bee-line to the mirror and tended to her appearance.

"And move to Hollywood," Jessica stood beside Jane.

"And marry Ricky Nelson," Jane answered. We all shared a laugh.

"Oh, those eyes," Dana swooned.

As we left the restroom, it was clear that Jane wanted to stay as far away from civilization as possible. Allison suggested we sit outside, so we went to the field by the gymnasium and sat in the grass. It was still a bit damp from the rain, but with the sun beating down on us and the breeze offering a nice change from the inside of the school, there were no complaints.

"Oh, who were those boys at the table?" Jessica asked as she rifled through her lunchbox. I surveyed the grounds, only seeing a few other groups outside, most of them looking like seniors that were prisoners during outside time. We sat across each other, cross-legged in an even circle.

"Boys?" Jane snickered.

"You didn't miss out, Jane," Dana put her hand up in the air, "One of them is a bundie as quiet as a mouse and the other only has eyes for Juli."

"Dana," I sighed, taking a bite of the pear Allison gave me.

"What?" she chuckled, "I just happened to run into them on my way to the cafeteria! I figured, the more, the merrier."

"Oh, you just happened to run into them?" I rallied.

Dana gave me a mischievous grin, "What matters is, he practically jumped at the chance to buy you lunch, didn't he?"

"Because he's nice."

"Because he's in _love _with you." The group threw their usual cat-calls in my direction.

I'd be lying if I didn't say I enjoyed it when Dana played match-maker. I didn't know why she was so invested in Bryce and I going steady, but the comments she made about the way he looked at me made my heart flutter.

I could tell I was as a red as a beet, and Allison came to my rescue as usual.

"Do you want this half of my sandwich?" she asked me, "It's tuna."

"How is it even _possible _to enjoy fish?" Jessica shook her head, "It's so..."

"Fishy," Dana snarled.

"Thank you," Jessica said.

I gratefully accepted the meal and looked at the others, "Because it's good!"

"Oh my God, did I ever tell you guys about the time I had food poisoning from some trout my uncle caught last summer?" Jessica stated.

Jane made a face, "Good lunch-time topic."

"_Great _lunch-time topic," Jessica held her hand out to her best friend, who shooed it away, "I couldn't even ingest crackers."

"Jessica," Dana half-laughed while wincing.

"My mom was all, _Not all fish is bad, give it a try, dear. _Oh, I gave it a try. And I paid."

"Don't tell us how," Allison shook her head, chuckling.

Jessica widened her eyes, "The runs." The group of us recoiled and moaned our _ew_s and _oh_s. Jessica laughed as Jane pushed her dangerously close to the mud puddle she warned us about when we first sat down.

Once lunch was over, my classes seemed to speed by. History was loud and Science was eventful. As I sat in English, looking at the substitute teacher, I couldn't help but feel guilty.

Last night, Bryce didn't want to be home so bad that he was willing to sleep on my floor to avoid it. Today, Jane was crying in the girl's bathroom because her mother took her frustration out on her. I had such a good family and home-life. How come _I _was one of the lucky ones? How come some kids had to dread going home, while I was always excited to? I had parents and brothers who I knew would go to the ends of the earth for me. Some had no-one.

I wondered how much of an influence the people I grew up with had on who I am. And how different people like Bryce and Jane would be if they weren't in such toxic environments. Would Jane not care so much about high-school status and being validated by other people? Would Bryce not be so quiet and secretive? I thought back to the night we had dinner at the Loski's and absorbing what kind of man Bryce's dad was... Cold, blank, condescending. I didn't want Bryce to turn into that.

I bit my lip and stared at the door, wondering what Bryce walked home to yesterday and what his Dad said and what happened exactly. I wanted to ask him, but that was risky. One wrong question and he'd close up quicker than the day is long.

As if on cue, he walked into the room. It was certain. I definitely liked Bryce Loski again. My mouth went dry as my eyes followed his figure, realizing his shoulders were even broader than I thought they were.

His brown eyes met mine and he quickly looked down, picking at his shirt. He sat down in his usual seat a few chairs away and I was sent back to junior high, staring at the back of his head, wondering what he was thinking about.

I thought I really liked him before, but ever since the beginning of last summer when I learned who he was under the exterior, I recognized that this was the deepest crush I'd ever had on anyone. Once he planted that tree, I could see that he wasn't the aloof coward I thought he was. As I got to know him, _really_ know him, I realized that Bryce Loski was funny and caring and patient and sharp and strong. He was more than the sum of his parts. He really was. It just took me time to notice it.

I was right back to where I was when he first moved into the neighborhood, only this time, I was deeper. Way deeper.

The relaxed substitute teacher suggested we get into groups and Donna, who sat in the desk beside mine, reached out and touched my arm.

"Wanna get in a group?" she insisted. I turned over to her with a smile, remembering our conversations in art class last year. Well, more like her conversations with herself. She was quite the chatter-box but it wasn't _totally _unbearable. "We can split doing the questions then copy them from each other."

"Sure," I shrugged, and her face lit up.

"Kathy?" she called. The girl in front of me, who I never knew but Donna apparently did, turned around. "Wanna be in our group?"

"Nah, I better study," she shyly responded, "Gotta get in Coupland's good graces and do well on that test, yknow?" Donna screwed up her face and moved on quickly, poking the shoulder of the guy sitting in front of her.

"Wanna be in our group?"

He turned around, jutting out his bottom lip.

"Okay," he answered.

"What's your name again?" she abruptly said.

"Ed," the boy casually said as he turned his desk to face our haphazard circle.

"I'm Donna, that's Juli," Donna rushed. She turned to me, "Anyone else we can ask? The more people, the less questions we each have to do."

My head immediately went to Bryce's direction.

"Bryce?" I half-shouted. He quickly met my gaze. "Wanna be in the group?"

He smiled, "Sure."

Once the four of us were facing each-other, the desks of rows interrupted and pages in front of us, the classroom had already gotten fairly loud. The substitute surprisingly didn't seem to mind as she reclined at the desk with a book. My eyes traveled from the questions on the page to Bryce. I watched him as he slightly squinted at his paper.

"Hmph," Donna uttered, "How can you have fifteen questions on a three-page story?"

Bryce looked up at her then over to me, and I quickly averted my gaze. I spent my entire childhood happily public with my crush on him and now I could barely deal with him catching me staring.

"Let's get cracking," Ed unenthusiastically suggested.

The English period ended right as I wrote down my last word, completing the homework. I smiled to myself in satisfaction. Donna unfortunately wasn't near being done, as telling her story about the baby squirrel that ran into her house took out a good chunk out of her work-time. She complained about having to finish her homework _and _studying tonight as we dragged our desks back to their rightful places.

As soon as the bell rang, I paced down the aisle towards the door everyone was flooding out of. Bryce got out of his seat right as I tried to walk by and we collided. We shared a chuckle as I stepped back, giving him space to stand up.

"Sorry," he said.

"Use your blinker next time," I retorted. He let out a deep laugh as he collected his books. I watched his profile, sure that he really did get taller every day and I wasn't just crazy.

His dimples caved into his cheeks as he continued to smile at my lame joke, "Hey, did you by any chance hear the announcement before this class? Something about football?"

"Yeah, I actually did," I chirped, recalling my memory, "Team lists are posted on the gymnasium doors. I know for soccer for sure, and maybe volleyball..."

His brown eyes met mine, "That worked out, I was gonna go there anyway. Wicked. Are you going to... go? Check? On- on the doors?"

I smirked at his stammering as we started to walk out of the classroom, "Yeah." I knew I wasn't going to get on the soccer team but I became wildly curious if he got into football. I figured I wouldn't ask unless he offered the information. The poor guy had already been in enough embarrassing situations with me in the past few days.

"They make up the teams so early in the school year," Bryce mused, "We haven't even been here a week."

"Yeah," I repeated, speaking over the loud chatter in the hallway. We shared a moment of semi-comfortable silence.

"My back," he began, "It's- it's better, by the way."

"Oh," I looked at him with a smile, "I should run a hotel service then." Bryce laughed again. I always thought he was simply easy to amuse but once I saw him with other people, I realized he only laughed as hard and as frequently as he did when I was the one telling the jokes.

"I'd just request an earlier wake-up call," he played along. I playfully raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're really gonna complain?"

"No, no," he looked legitimately concerned, "I'm just kidding- thank you, I _did _thank you, right?" I gave him an expectant grin and he dropped his head in his hand.

"You gotta stop doing that," Bryce shook his head.

"You gotta stop making it so easy!" I replied. The light tone of our conversation reminded me of the ones we had in the summer when we biked around to unfamiliar parts of town. I sighed.

We reached the gymnasium corridor, which was already so busy. Bryce and I parted ways and I went to where the girls seemed to crowd, and he went to where the boys were. I soon found "Junior Girls Soccer" at the top of a page and scammed the list of names. Allison was there, which made me feel overjoyed. After a few checks just in case, I saw that my name wasn't on the list. I hated to admit it, but a part of me wished it was. Failure was always hard to swallow for me. But I saw it coming. That was a bad day for me to have any kind of try-out.

I turned on my heels and floated towards the other side of the corridor, and spotted the back of Bryce's head. I anxiously waited, my fingers crossed for him. He deserved a win. When he turned around, his face said it all.


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you for the reviews! They really keep me going and every single one is greatly appreciated. :) Hope you enjoy this one._

**BRYCE**

My stomach was doing somersaults as I looked over the list of newly appointed junior football team members. The guys surrounding me scrambled to read it, shouting out names I didn't know.

My vision blurred for a second when I saw it- _Bryce Loski._

A smile formed on my face and I stared at it for a while to make sure it wasn't a figment of my imagination. Satisfied, I turned around to get out of the sea of hecklers, and saw Juli's hopeful eyes looking up at me. When I only responded with silence, she tried to look over my shoulder to see the list but I was sure she already knew.

"You made it?" she expectantly asked.

I nodded and turned red at the attention.

"Congratulations!" Juli stepped forward and wrapped her arms around my torso. I hesitantly hugged back, awkwardly leaning over and resting my chin on the top of her head for a second. It was only a hug but it sent my heart thumping. She smelled like a mixture of fall leaves and butterscotch.

The feeling of accomplishment was foreign, and I liked it. Juli pulled back with a small smile and we slowly started to walk out of the corridor.

"Tomorrow in gym A," I said to myself, envisioning the big words that were at the bottom of the team list.

"Hm?"

"Our first practice," I replied, "Just... wanna make sure to remember it."

"Oh," Juli said with a bright smile.

It was apparent that I was the only one who got good news about making a team, so I tried to find a different topic.

"Hey, do you wanna see my locker?" I bit the side of my cheek, "You could tell me if it's really the one your brother had."

"I don't know which one was his but sure," Juli chuckled, her green eyes glittery, "Let me just go drop off my books."

After reacting to the foul smell my locker had pretty dramatically, the two of us walked out of the school into the uncomfortably humid air. Dark clouds rode into the center of the sky.

"Do you ever take the bus?" I asked, watching the yellow box on wheels stall in its designated space in the parking lot.

Juli blew a piece of hair out of her face. "I like walking," she answered, "And being outside. Why, do you wanna take the bus? Don't feel like you have to walk with me-"

"No, no," I abruptly responded, earning myself some embarrassment, "Walking is fine, too. I guess I just take it because it's there."

Juli seemed a bit amused by my terseness and let out a soft chuckle.

"Okay."

"How are your brothers?" I asked, trying to get back into the swing of how much we talked about in the summer, "Do they like college?"

"They do." Juli always lit up when she talked about her family. "They say the freedom is really great. Even though they _do _still live at home."

"I can't wait to go to college," I said, looking at the vast field ahead of us.

"Yeah?"

I nodded, "Actually learning what you wanna learn. Being responsible for yourself."

"Moving out?" she added. I swallowed hard. The image of the line of whatever she had written down in the notebook under her bed... something about me _going through a lot_...made my throat feel like it was closing for a second. Guilt filled me.

"Yeah."

"Do you know where you wanna go?"

"Far," I half-chuckled.

I saw her nodding from the corner of my eye. I looked over at her and she looked back with a smile. It was nice to be in her company. It always was.

"Watch out for the mud," Juli pointed at the ground, stepping forward and navigating through the grass, "But you should get used to a muddy field now."

She turned back and I smiled. I watched as she expertly found her way around the field ahead of me, her long brown hair bouncing with every leap. I carelessly stepped through the shallow valleys of the field, keeping my eyes on her.

"Hey, was your friend okay, by the way?" I called. Muffled conversations of other small groups of kids taking filled my ears as we crossed the field.

She looked back with a confused face, which quickly turned to a knowing one. "Oh yeah," she answered, "She's okay." It was clear she wasn't going to offer up any more information. I felt like a hypocrite for feeling frustrated that my curiosity wasn't going to be satisfied. How could I expect her to tell me what her friend's sudden problem was when she barely knew anything about why I came knocking at her window the night before?

"Oh, I never got to thank you for the offer," Juli's steps started getting smaller, "For lunch."

Mild embarrassment filled my body once I remembered my eager display to pay for her lunch.

"It's no problem," my words were rushed. I took a deep breath. "Wait, did you even get to eat today?"

I could see her turn her head to look at me from the corner of my eye so I did the same.

"Yeah," Juli's smirk was appreciative. A few seconds of an almost awkward silence came between us. "You didn't even play football before, right?"

I beamed, "I knew the rules and all that but, yeah, only a few friendly games. Coach Ludley said..."

"What?" she impatiently pressed.

I felt a bit uncomfortable bragging, "He said I was a fast runner. And how quickly I learned was impressive."

We reached the hole in the fence and she ducked through it.

"It must make making the team feel that much better," I could hear Juli's smile in her voice, "You're a natural."

"I guess that's one way of putting it," I ambled through the haphazard door.

"Do you know your position yet?"

"No, I guess that's gonna be settled after a few practices," I answered, letting the feeling of someone being interested in my life sink in again, and realizing how much I missed it.

We made our way down the sidewalk, the wind picking up and sending a chill down my body.

"I'm really glad for you," Juli said, "You deserve it."

"Thank you," I felt myself reddening, "I... don't know about the tackling yet."

"Doing the tackling or getting it done to you?" she laughed.

"Both!"

"You'll be fine," Juli assured me like she always did, "The coach saw promise in you. You should see it in yourself."

I grinned.

"I'll come to your games," she said. The sentence made my heart wave as I remembered my daydream about her running into my arms after a win.

"And yell at me from the sidelines?" I ribbed.

Juli laughed in a mock-offended tone, "Don't act like my yelling doesn't help you."

"Okay, okay," I put my hands up in defeat, chuckling with her. Juli always brought out a sarcastic side of myself that I never really felt comfortable about with other people. She was the only person I could tease with the knowledge that she'd simply tease me back. "Just don't sit too high in the bleachers. You'll get distracted by how scared you are."

Juli cocked her head, "You remembered that?"

My memory took me back to the time we biked to a stretch of the oldest houses in town. We started talking about how the houses could be haunted, then that turned into a lengthy discussion about ghosts, then that turned into us admitting our fears to each other, which is when she told me about her serious fear of heights. Which I found so hilarious and _so _Juli- she spent so many days high up in the old sycamore just for that view, no matter how terrified she was. I remember that day and how the way her hair was pulled back made me notice the freckles on her neck. I cleared my throat.

"My brain just doesn't forget stuff like that," I shrugged, "But ask me anything about tomorrow's test and I couldn't tell you a word."

Juli laughed hard and I felt my body fill with joy. There was nothing quite like watching her smile because of something I said.

I wanted to tell her that I missed her and that I wanted to go back and change what happened the last summer and that I felt my happiest when I was with her but no matter how much I hoped and tried to be a brave person, I simply wasn't one.

I pressed my lips together.

"It looks like it's gonna rain again," I mumbled. What an enthralling conversation topic.

"Every time it does, that condensation song gets stuck in my head," Juli humorously groaned, "You know, that rhyme from fifth grade?"

I looked at her, "Your memory is as... ridiculous as mine." She playfully nudged me, her hand making contact with my shoulder the same moment a cold raindrop crashed on the back of my neck.

"It's starting," I look up at the navy blue sky. "We better hurry, we could get caught in a storm." I glanced over at Juli who was looking straight up to the threatening ceiling with a bright grin on her face.

"I hope so," she quietly said. Her eyelashes fluttered as she sighed. I stared at her, a lump forming in my throat. Another thing I remembered about her- she loved every type of weather.

We turned the corner onto Bonnie Meadow Lane, our houses looking almost stoic in the distance.

"Should I expect to see you running around your front lawn in the rain soon?" I prodded, reveling in her child-like adoration for the outdoors.

Juli pushed her long, dark hair behind her shoulder and laughed, "You make me sound so..." I looked at her with raised eyebrows as we reached our separation point. "I'll see you later."

"Ok," I looked into her green eyes one last time and turned, a grin forming on my face as I walked away.

**JULIANA**

I watched his figure as he crossed the street away from my house, remembering how just this morning he was doing the same thing in his pajamas. My stomach wrestled with butterflies as my bottoms of my shoes tapped across the driveway towards the door.

Bryce was growing up to be more and more handsome every day. I was sure that that entire walk he noticed me staring at him. The butterflies raged.

The house was thick with humidity and I immediately went into my room to peel off my clothes. I dropped stomach-first in bed, my hand hanging over the side and my eyes boring into the alarm clock on my nightstand. I stretched out my arm, feeling something under my bed brush against it. I pulled back fast. I curiously crawled over the edge just enough to see what was lurking under there, to see my open diary on the floor, its pages not entirely flat. I chuckled to myself over how frightened I got because of a piece of paper.

I slid it out from under and looked over my list of worries. _Uncle Daniel... high school... Bryce..._

My heart nearly stopped.

The image of Bryce on the floor the night before came into my head... Did he see the diary?

No, he couldn't have. It was dark.

But in the morning it wasn't.

I swallowed a hard lump in my throat. What if he _did _read it? I spilled out everything that was bothering me within the contents of half a page and he could have easily read it.

I suddenly felt very exposed.

No... He couldn't have read it. He wouldn't.

"Juliana!" Mom's voice interrupted my thoughts, "Phone for you!"

I pared myself off the bed and went into the kitchen, taking the phone out of Mom's hand with a quick thank-you.

I brought it to my cheek, "Hello?"

"Juli," my brain took a few seconds until it recognized Sal's voice, "Is there any chance you could help on the register tonight? I have to go to the bank before they close and I can't reach Evan at home."

"Sure," I said, earning a curious look from Mom as she mashed potatoes, "Sorry- let me ask first." Mom's eyebrows raised as I held the phone down. "Sal's asking if I can go in."

"For how long?"

"How long?" I spoke into the phone.

"Only about two hours." I stopped myself from asking why he couldn't just close for that time instead. I knew he couldn't afford it. The flow of customers had steadily decreased since mid-summer, probably having to do with the gas station two blocks closer to town having a store expansion. I didn't think it was that bad of a blow, but the fact that he couldn't close for two hours opened my eyes to how desperate the convenience store had really become.

"Two hours," I echoed to Mom.

"Alright," she sighed, wiping off the counter with a tea towel, "I can drive you."

"Okay," I talked into the phone, "I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Thank you so much," he answered, sounding relieved. I hung up and watched Mom slowly check that every appliance was off.

"Where's Dad?" I wondered how I didn't even realize that Dad's truck was gone when I got home. Maybe I was too lost in my thoughts.

"Hmm?" Mom distractedly asked.

"Where's Dad?"

"Oh, he went to see Daniel, dear."

"Really?" I felt a spark of anger rise up in me. "Without me? I thought we..."

"Devonhurst called and-"

"Is Daniel okay?"

Mom finally made eye contact with me that lasted over two seconds, "I don't know."

"How do you not-" I caught my breath, "Didn't Dad say anything?"

"He left in a hurry," Mom untied the knot holding her apron up. "Do you have-"

"When?" I asked.

"About half an hour ago," she replied, "Now, as I was saying: do you have everything you need?"

I suddenly felt way too worked up to put on my polite cashier persona. I could already picture myself standing behind the register, bitter and fuming.

"Give me a minute," I muttered. After grabbing my homework and study notes, Mom and I silently sat in the car. Her radio had been broken for a while now, so there wasn't even any music to lift the tension.

"Your level of responsibility is amazing, Juli," Mom's voice was kind of shaky, "Not many 14-year-olds would be willing to work while in school. _And _during summer vacation."

Her kind words dismissed some of my irritation.

"Thanks, Mom," I smiled.

I stared ahead at the road, the windshield glass getting covered with diminutive raindrops. What could be going on with Daniel? And why couldn't Dad just wait for me to get home? He knew I arrived at 3:30 every day. Was it that urgent?

"You're going to be 15 soon," she mused.

"Not til March, Mom," I laughed.

"That's soon." I couldn't tell if she was trying to distract from thinking about Daniel or simply making conversation, but it was evident that she was worried herself. Our lives would be completely changed if something happened to him.

"How was school today?" she asked.

"I didn't make the soccer team," I realized it was the first time I actually really acknowledged it.

"Oh, I'm sorry, honey."

"It's fine," I quickly retorted, "Like I said, I saw it coming."

Mom nodded, "Well, like _I _said, you'll find your thing."

"How was your day?" I asked, feeling guilty for subjecting her to my frustration.

"Busy," she answered, "We're trying to organize a bake sale for the church, and I haven't had any time to even open our book club book and the meeting is in a few days." She sighed, smoothing down her hair like she always did when she was frazzled.

"Can I help?" I asked. We approached Sal's. Mom looked at me endearingly and put a soft hand to my cheek.

"You always want to help." I could swear that I saw a tear brimming in her eye. She cleared her throat and looked at her dime-coloured watch. "I'll be here to pick you up at 6:45?"

"Okay," I said, uneasy over her sudden sensitivity, "Thanks, I love you."

She kissed me by my temple and I quickly got out of the car, grabbing the bag of school-work I doubted I'd have the ability to concentrate on. I entered the convenience store, my blouse speckled with raindrops.

"Hey, kid," Sal slid his reading glasses from the bridge of his nose to the top of his head. He picked up the pile of paper folders from the counter. "Thanks for coming in on such short notice."

"No worries," I chirped, "Evan told me that you'd need me from time to time."

"So he _does _listen to me," Sal chuckled.

"Sometimes," I replied with a smirk. Sal's close-set eyes darted from the folders in his hands to the register.

"I'll be as quick as I can," Sal's voice was missing its usual heartiness, "Just gotta..."

"Take your time," I tied my hair back into a ponytail, "Is there anything you need cleaned? Or put away?"

"If you could sweep the floors, that'd be great," Sal passed by me, the thick smell of sweat following him, "I'll see you in a bit."

The bell over the door clanged as he exited the store. I made my way around to the register, my eyes travelling over the silent corner shop. It was kind of peaceful. The quiet.

I opened my backpack, placing my textbooks and notebooks on the counter top. I hunched over and stared at the words. After about ten minutes of science homework, my mind began to drift.

I had half a mind to go into Sal's office and call home and ask about Uncle Daniel. My pulse felt like it was never going to slow down. I put my nervous energy towards finally sweeping the floor. As the frayed ends of the broom swooshed down the aisles, I thought of all the possibilities. When Dad told me the people at Devonhurst said Daniel was fine after his collapse but they'd keep an eye on him, it seemed so promising.

Then again, what they called Dad in about could have been because of something different.

I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to find something to be calm about. Anything. What was I there to be thankful for?

My family, of course. Whatever happened, I knew we'd be there for each other. My friends. My health. Bryce.

The bell clanged against the front door. I peeked over the aisle, seeing a kid about my age amble in. I made my way to the register, the broom in my hand. I watched the tall boy go to the refrigerators at the back. I looked down at my school-work and waited for the only customer in the store to make his purchase.

"Hi." He startled me. I looked up and smiled. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"No problem," I laughed, ringing in the Coca-Colas he brought to the counter. The glass bottles clinked against each other.

"Hey, you go to Rockwood?" He played with the rim of his newsboy cap.

"Yeah," I suspiciously answered.

"Thought so," he confidentially rested his arms on the counter, "Freshman, too?"

"Mhm," I put the bottles in a plastic bag, surprised to hear he was a freshman as well, "25 cents."

He reached into his back pocket, "I'm Dennis. Have you heard about the party I'm having?"

"Oh, that Dennis," I nodded, "Yes, I did."

"Are you coming?"

"Maybe."

"Boss. Remember, this Saturday. 394 Wicker Road. It's a freshie thing but feel free to invite everyone you know." Dennis took the bag.

"Okay," I gave him a tight smile.

"Cool," he replied, "I'll see you around. What's your name?"

"Juli."

"I like that name." With that charisma, I was sure his party was going to have the entire tri-state area there. He left, pulling down his hat to shield himself from the rain.

I went back to sweeping, sure that I wasn't going to be in any kind of party mood the day after tomorrow. Who knew how different my life could be then?

I managed to clear the floor, organize the laundry detergent section, help a handful of customers, finish my science homework, and study for tomorrow's English test all in one hour. I looked at the square clock above the chewing gum racks to see I only had half an hour left.

Today wasn't going into the good day file. It started off well, with the first face I saw in the morning being Bryce's, and the good lunch period I had with my friends. But feeling pessimistic over everything, like how I was anxious about Daniel, and how I was afraid that I wouldn't get on any sports team at all, and how I was wary about having to be taught by Mr. Coupland for the rest of the school year, and how I was dreading how long it'd take me to finally get used to high school, and how I was worried that Sal's could eventually close down... I felt miserable. And I hated it. I hated feeling like the victim of my own life.

The bell rang.

Sal ambled towards me, his expression unreadable.

"Hey," he smiled, "Any issues?"

"Nope," I answered.

"I think your ride's here," Sal's thumb pointed behind his shoulder, "Don't wanna keep 'em waiting."

I collected my things, "Okay, I'll see you later."

"Thanks again," he made his way to his office, "See ya."

My heart felt like it weighed a million pounds. I stepped out of the store, seeing the beams from the headlights of Dad's truck point ominously. The fact that he came instead of Mom had to mean something. I reached for the passenger door handle, my hand shaking.


	10. Chapter 10

_Big thank you to my readers and reviewers! Love you guys so much._

**BRYCE**

The smell of mom's pot roast in the oven hit me as I swung open the front door. I kicked off my shoes and felt the familiar empty yearning that showed up whenever I parted from Juli. Time with her never felt like enough.

"Hey, Bryce." It was Granddad's faint voice. I turned the corner into the living room to see him sitting in his usual place. His expression was unreadable.

"Hey," I slid my heavy book-bag off and massaged the pinch of pain on my left shoulder.

"How was school?"

"Fine," I nodded. "I made football." Granddad smiled and let out a chortle. It was the happiest I'd seen him in a while.

"Bryce! That's fantastic!"

"I guess," I shuffled my feet, looking down at the hole in my sock.

"And I saw you walked home with Juliana."

"Yeah." I cleared my throat, trying my hardest to not seem smitten. It didn't appear to work.

"So it's been a good day," Granddad laced his fingers together.

"Yeah," I echoed.

"I was thinking- what say we go see a picture tonight? Just you and me... It can be a celebration! For you getting on the football team." I felt a rush of excitement. The preconceived idea of another boring evening in my room was wiped away.

"Okay," I could hear the eagerness in my voice, "Sure. Are Mom and Dad going to say it's okay?"

A self-assured smirk grew on Granddad's wrinkly face, "Maybe if we say we'll do our chores."

I laughed and pinched the bridge of my nose, "Sorry."

Granddad tapped the newspaper on the coffee table with his index finger. "They're showing Ben-Hur at The Empire at 7."

"My friend Paul mentioned that one," I said, remembering how envious I felt when he told me about his father taking him, another one of Mr. Mitchell's overzealous attempts to bond with his son. I pushed the thought away. "He said it was good."

"Good, then. After dinner."

"Okay," I gave him a big grin and picked up my knapsack, trekking upstairs.

I sat at my desk, my mind the farthest thing away from my topography homework. I watched the house across the street through my raindrop speckled window. Digging my nail into the eraser at the end of my pencil, I stared down at our driveway, the view only offering the back end of Mom's car. Dad's car wasn't there- he didn't come home until 5:30 on a normal day. But now I'd always be unsure if it was a normal day, or if he'd leave like he did before.

I felt like I was always fairly good with adjusting to change. When I had no control over something, why dwell over it? But as much as I could talk the talk, I couldn't walk the walk. It chilled me that now I would always come home and a little part of me would wonder if that morning was the last time I saw Dad.

Why did he leave? Was he ever going to even tell us?

And what made him come back?

I knew that no matter how much I dreamed about having a dad like Paul's, it wasn't going to happen. I couldn't expect people to behave a certain way just because I was hopeful they'd have a sudden change of heart. It was the truth.

Dad wasn't ever going to tell us. If he ever offered any kind of explanation to Mom, I doubted it was anything worth repeating. I didn't know if he came back because he actually missed us and wanted to try harder being a part of the family or just because he had nowhere else to go.

And what was the deal with Lynetta following in his footsteps? Those two never got along yet when things got tough, they both did the exact same thing. Left. As the days went on, I got more and more concerned for my big sister. She didn't even have to be home; I just at least wanted to see her at school. To see that she was still kicking. I never really had an opinion over how she wanted to take an extra semester of high school, but now I did- I was happy about it. Because if she had to start college the same week our father left us out of the blue, I was afraid she wouldn't be able to function. I barely was and I only started the ninth grade.

I sighed and looked down at my homework. I went over my name in the top corner, intricately thickening the pencil lines.

I felt strange. A part of me wanted Dad to be coming home every night just because it was what was "normal." But when things were normal, it drove me to go outside in the middle of the night and tap at Juli's window and sleep on her floor.

A glimpse of something outside my window caught my attention and I looked out of it again, seeing Juli saunter out of her house. Her mom followed, locking the front door. The two of them got into the car and silently whipped out of the driveway and out of my sight.

I bit the side of my cheek, deeming that everything else in the world was more interesting than my geography homework.

I suffered through it, only looking up when Juli's mom drove back home without Juli. Maybe she went to a friend's house.

Once I finished Geography, did my reading for History, and studied for English, I took a well deserved break and re-read one of my favourite comics.

Eventually, Mom called me for the pot roast I was nearly salivating for.

After helping Mom with setting out the plates, I settled down in my routine chair. Granddad, Mom, Dad, and I sat facing each other, the harsh buzzing of one of our neighbour's lawnmowers spilling through the open kitchen window.

Grandad spoke up, "Bryce and I are going to the cinema tonight."

"Oh," Mom's eyes traveled from Granddad to me, "That's exciting."

"Do you want to come?" I interrupted. I hoped Granddad didn't mind my sudden invitation.

"No, no," Mom cut into her roast beef, "I have so much to do. You two have fun."

I glanced down at my plate, ready to be chastised by Dad.

"Dad, do you wanna come?" My voice came out weaker than I expected. I looked at him from our side of the table as he shook his head silently as he drank his water, a condescending look on his face. An expression that said, _What part of your brain convinced you that I'd want to something stupid like that?_

"You know," Mom cut in, "I heard that popcorn becoming cinema food was actually really opposed at first."

"Theatres didn't like the mess," Granddad nodded his head, "Until they realized they could profit from it. Put all the popcorn street vendors out of business."

I chuckled, "No way."

There was a knock at the door. Actually, four knocks.

"Who could that..." Mom pushed her chair back.

"I'll get it," I sat up quickly, sending my fork clattering. I didn't know what made me so eager to see who it was. Until a second later, when I realized I just wanted to be far away from the awkward air of the dinner table.

"What, is he expecting someone?" I heard Dad mutter.

I got to the front door and swung it open.

It was Lynetta.

Her hair, the same colour as mine, was wiry and unkempt, making it look like she had just woken up. Her expression, however, said that she hadn't slept in ages.

"Hey, pipsqueak," she snorted. I smiled and stood in the doorway. "What, is there a secret password?" Lynetta stepped forward to try to pass me but I was so happy to see her that I impulsively pulled her in for a hug. She was stiff. "Relax, I didn't die."

I awkwardly stepped back and looked at her. She smirked for a second and pinched my nose.

"Ow," I said, more for effect.

"Missed you, too," she laughed. The smile disappeared once she pointed behind her to the driveway and whispered, "He's back?"

"Lynetta." The two of us looked at the end of the hall to see Mom smoothing down her dress.

"Hey," she casually said, "Smells good in here."

"Pot roast," I jumped in. I was suddenly acting like such an excitable kid. And I was afraid she'd turn right back around once I confirmed that Dad really was back.

"Boss." To my relief, she stepped out of her shoes. "I'm gonna go take a shower." Lynetta kissed her teeth, never one for stagnant conversations, and headed upstairs. Mom and I looked at each other. She looked as surprised as I imagined I did. I awkwardly stepped towards her and followed her into the dining room. Dad waited for Mom to sit down at the table before he asked who was at the door. She nervously fluffed the back of her hair.

"Lynetta," she answered. I apprehensively looked over at Dad to see his reaction, and could feel Mom and Granddad doing the same.

He opened his mouth, but only to put another uneven block of beef into it. The table was silent for a few seconds, until Mom got out of her seat again.

"Where are you going?" Dad asked, as if her getting up was the craziest thing in the world.

"To talk to her," Mom answered sternly. She walked out and left us to be completely silent yet again.

**JULIANA**

I was completely silent.

Aortic valve stenosis. That's exactly how Dad said it. And he probably repeated it in his head on his drive back from Devonhurst the same way I did as I lay in bed and stared at my ceiling. I went straight to my room once we got home from the dreadful ride from Sal's, frozen in my bed with my mind going a million miles a minute.

Fainting was an early symptom. It wasn't "probably just dehydration or something small" like the doctor said. And there was no reason for it. It was just something Daniel was born with. It didn't do anything to him while he was young but it was apparently bound to affect him when he got older.

And that was it. Just something he was born with. After the doctor listed off all the symptoms, he told Dad that this was common, but death from it was rare, especially after surgery. However, it could seriously affect Daniel's life, especially because of his already challenging condition. But they said they'd constantly be checking up on him. And if surgery was needed, they'd know right away.

When Dad picked me up from Sal's and told me, I wanted so badly to ask how Daniel acted. How he was dealing with it. But the exhausted look on Dad's face told me everything.

I could only imagine my uncle trying to make sense of being in a hospital bed, desperately wanting to leave. Getting tested and touched by all these strangers and watching his brother let it happen to him.

I lay in bed, turning over to curl up with my pillow. I kept trying to console myself the way Dad did. It was going to be fine. Anything really bad happening to Daniel was rare. All that was changing was that he couldn't exert himself too much. That was it.

But I couldn't shake the thought of how bad it really would affect him. He didn't need something like this on his plate. He didn't deserve it.

There was a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" My voice was groggier than expected. The door creaked open.

"Hi, sweetheart," Mom's voice was low. I felt my mattress sink as she sat behind me.

"Did you know?" I asked, feeling like I just wanted a reason to be angry.

Mom sighed, her hand warm on my back, "Your father told me it was something about his heart, then he left. I didn't want to tell you anything until we knew... everything. I didn't want you to get worried and think about it too much. But Dad wanted to pick you up so he could tell you. Properly. We know you're mature, and that you want to know the ins and outs of a situation. You got it from him."

I cracked a chuckle.

"But, you see? It's not serious. There's nothing to worry about."

"How do you know? How can you know for sure?" I could hear my voice getting whiny and hoped Mom didn't notice.

"Well." She paused. "You can't know anything for sure. But the odds are in our favour." I pressed the side of my face against the pillow and Mom's hand waned. "You need to eat."

I sighed and pushed myself to sit up.

Since Matt and Mark already ate and were having another "mega jam" at their friend Ken's house, whatever that meant, I sat at the dinner table across from Dad while Mom wiped down the counter. I had a feeling she was stalling so she could listen in on me and Dad's conversation. If we were even going to have one, that is.  
I played with my food, feeling like I was about to cry. I kept telling myself it wasn't a big deal, but thinking it couldn't make me feel it.

I looked up to see Dad stabbing at his spaghetti. My stomach suddenly twisted with pain and grumbled a long, strained growl. I couldn't help but smile and Dad let out a breathy chuckle with his gaze still on his plate. Mom's back was turned to us, but I could see her shoulders erupting in little shakes.

"That sounded unhuman!" Dad exclaimed. I cupped my mouth and laughed. "Trina, exactly _how_ sure are we that our daughter isn't a werewolf?"

Mom just turned and gave us a smirk.

"I didn't know I was that hungry," I shrugged and twisted my fork around my plate, still smiling.

"For people?" Dad replied.

"Dad, stop!" I chuckled. He gave me a grin and popped a heap of skinny noodles in his mouth. "You know that's only on full moons."

"You two," Mom sighed, placing a comforting hand on my back for a second as she passed by behind me, "What am I going to do with you?"

I brought my heavier fork to my mouth, chewing quickly and thinking about how thankful I was to have the parents I had.

After dinner, I sat on the porch swing alone, very slowly rocking myself back and forth. I stared at the house across the street. The living room light was on.

I didn't know how Bryce did it with the Dad he had. I was sure that more than half of my personality came from my Dad, and I couldn't imagine how Bryce was nothing like his. The amount of strength that must have taken astonished me.

My arms were folded, offering little protection for the autumn breeze that was rolling in. I felt a powerful sense of security. I felt like no matter what happened, I'd be fine. With the family I had, I would always be fine.

I eventually picked up the books on the bench beside me that I took out to study. After a while of reviewing, I heard quiet conversation nearby. I looked up to see Bryce and Chet walking in the dark on the opposite sidewalk.

Chet's steps were small with his usual relaxed stroll, and it was sort of funny and kind of peaceful to see Bryce walking that slow beside him. He was usually nearly sprinting everywhere. No wonder the football coach said he was a good runner.

Chet's hands were in the pockets of his white trousers and Bryce's were dangling beside him, only adding to his already lanky appearance. They walked towards their house, talking quietly amongst each other.

I was hoping they'd spot me. I hadn't seen Chet in forever. And I would be lying if I said seeing Bryce wasn't nice.

Sure enough, Chet's gaze turned my way and he stopped in his tracks, offering a friendly little wave across the empty street. I wasn't sure if he could see me smile, but I smiled anyway, and waved back. Bryce didn't notice and was a few steps ahead until he looked back to see his Granddad gesturing at me. I looked at Bryce, who dipped his head and probably laughed as he gave me a quick little wield of his hand.

They disappeared in the house and I felt a rush of joy to see them spending time together.

I eventually looked back down at my textbook. It was clearly interesting because after who knows how many hours, I was being shaken awake by Mom who ordered me to go to bed. I did as she said and slept like a rock.

The next morning, my walk to school was serene and I was appreciative to not be feeling anxious. Breakfast with Mom was nice- that is, after she asked more about Evan and I told her about our call-if-you-want-a-ride arrangement. I think she was relieved that I wouldn't be getting a drive from him every day. I didn't know if it was because she didn't like me with Evan or if she just didn't like me with boys.

The situation with Daniel had stopped worrying me. I knew he was going to be fine. Even though a tiny, microscopic part of me felt like I was just blindly hoping that opinion was fact, the rest of me felt sure he would be okay.

I enjoyed the time alone as I walked to school. It gave me a chance to regroup and have some time to myself at the beginning of the day. I didn't think I'd be calling Evan for a ride any time soon.

Once I arrived at the high school I was slowly getting used to, the bell rang for first period and I breathlessly made my way to class. As I double-dashed the stairs up to the second floor, I could have sworn I saw Lynetta Loski pass me, her blonde hair bouncing with her as she went down the steps.

I recalled to the last summer, when Bryce told me about his sister planning to stay an extra semester at Rockfield. It was such a small detail, but I remembered it because in that moment, strolling down Main Street on our bikes, I felt like I was watching a rare comet pass as Bryce openly talked about his family. It was only a few sentences, but he mentioned how his Dad opposed the idea as if_ 'Lynetta was asking to get a tattoo on her face.' _He never talked about the mechanics of the Loski house, and I felt so out of the ordinary in that moment when he actually did.

I walked into class, a bit winded, trying to visualize the girl I just saw a few seconds ago. Was it actually Lynetta? It would make sense since she was planning to be here for an additional term. I figured I'd find out sooner or later.

Once the lunch bell rang, I walked towards my locker from class. My stomach grumbled and I smirked to myself as I remembered Dad's lame joke last night.

"What's got you so smiley?" I heard. I looked over to see Dana's bright face as she paced beside me.

"Hi to you, too," I replied.

"Is it Bryce?" She gasped, "I bet it's Bryce."

I threw my head back in laughter, "You are relentless."

"I'll happily be saying I told you so at your wedding," Dana answered. I rolled my eyes and put my hand up to signal her to stop, but she met it with a high-five and smugly laughed.

After dropping my ten-pound books off in my locker, we met up with the rest of our friends at our usual lunch table.

"Does it smell like corn to you?" Jane asked us as we settled down in our spots. I smirked.

"Is that code for something?" Dana said.

"If so, get a new code," Jessica added.

"No, I mean it," Jane comically sniffed the air, looking puzzled, "I smell corn." Jessica put the back of her hand to Jane's forehead.

"Have we lost her?" Allison asked.

"I'm afraid so," Jessica dramatically announced. I laughed and unwrapped my turkey sandwich, surveying the cafeteria.

I looked down the aisle of lunch benches and quickly noticed that, yes, Lynetta was here in Rockway High. And not only that. She was coming my way.


	11. Chapter 11

_Thank you for your patience!_

**BRYCE**

When Mom came back downstairs after talking to Lynetta, she seemed calmer than she'd been in a while. I guess the entire time my sister had been gone, I didn't really think about how it was affecting anyone but myself. I felt a pang of shame, realizing how selfish I'd been. Her daughter was gone for a couple of weeks, the only contact being a few phone calls and that quick stopover to pick up her stuff. Of course she was in pain.

Mom sat down and pushed her chair closer to the dinner table, clearing her throat.

"Is she… okay?" I mumbled. Mom's eyes were big as they focused on me.

"Yes," she answered, her voice more faint than I expected.

I nodded, looking back down at my food. Half of me just wanted Dad to say something to relieve the tension, while the other half wished the rest of the dinner could be this silent.

I could tell since Dad came back that he trying to be different. He still made his snide comments… but they were less frequent. He was biting his tongue more often. That seemed to be the only difference. Dad didn't make up for the silences he was creating.

After dinner as I scraped off my plate, wondering what had happened to my appetite, Granddad patted me between my shoulder blades and told me to dress warm for our walk to the movie theater. He wedged between me and the wall to grab a toothpick and left to get into what he called his 'Sunday Best'.

Dad had already allocated his spot in front of the television and Mom was washing the dishes. I quickly grabbed a clean plate and fork from the cupboard and hunched over the dinner table, stabbing a slab of pot roast and placing it onto the porcelain.

I ran upstairs and knocked on Lynetta's door.

"Yeah?" she called from the other side.

"It's me," I said.

"_Entrez!_"

I stepped into Lynetta's room, seeing her clothes splayed all over the bed, desk, and floor. She looked over at me offering the plate.

"Oh, yum," she took the plate and started devouring pot roast before I could say anything else. She sat at the end of her bed, plate up to her chin and fork moving faster than the speed of light. Her wet hair was dripping water all over the place but she didn't seem to mind.

"It might be kind of cold," I crossed my arms and leaned against the door.

"Jeez," Lynetta laughed with a full mouth, "Puberty's hitting you like a train. Did falling down so many octaves hurt?"

"Is it really that extreme?" I rolled my eyes.

"_Is it really that extreme?_" she mocked in a shaky, deep voice.

"Stop," I snapped. She laughed even harder and surveyed the small potato I put on the side of her meal. She scowled at it.

"What made you come back?" I asked.

Lynetta looked at me with the same somber expression Mom was making at dinner.

"My bed," she answered, "Don't let anyone ever tell you there's anything better than your own bed."

"Seriously, Lynetta," I whined. My sister sighed and put the plate in her lap, chewing.

"If I wanna get out of here, I need to go to school," she replied, looking at everything but me, "And by next September, I can be moved out for good. I guess I just… clocked out early. Or tried to."

"Nothing else?" I asked. I don't know what answer I was looking for, but it wasn't that.

"What?"

"That's why you came back? No other reason?"

"You're like Mom," Lynetta was on her last bite already. "I already pulled the whole _I missed you_ thing enough for one day. Let me breathe."

"Let _yourself _breathe. Have you not eaten this entire time?"

She glared at me, "Mary's mom is a sweet lady. But not a good cook."

"Were you with Mary the whole time? Who was the person in that car?"

"I know my rights," Lynetta answered, placing the empty plate on the bed. "I want an attorney present."

"Can you _please _be serious?" I groaned.

"Okay, I _seriously_ need an Aspirin."

I sighed, turning the doorknob.

"Where you goin', little bro? I thought we were bonding," Lynetta called. I turned back to look at her, never really noticing how much she looked like Mom until now. I bet she was grateful she didn't really resemble Dad.

"I'm going to see Ben-Hur," I proudly told her.

"Ooooh," she dramatically guffawed, "Who's the girl? Or boy... I don't judge."

"Our grandfather," I answered with a flat tone.

"Sounds like a rockin' time!" She gave me a dramatic thumbs up, "That's totally what the cool kids do."

I opened the door, her last words stinging me a bit. I knew I definitely wasn't a cool kid. I didn't need clarification for that. Whatever. Taking Lynetta's insults was better than not knowing where she was.

I went to my room to put on a sweater, staring out the window at the orange-brown glow the setting sun was flaunting. As I buttoned up, I realized that every immediate family member of mine was in the house at once- for the first time in a long time. But it definitely didn't feel the same. There was a sense of awkward, uncomfortable energy in the atmosphere.

Come to think of it, it wasn't that big of a change.

I met Granddad at the front door as he went through his wallet, taking out useless receipts and crumpling them only to put them in his pocket. Mom said goodbye to us while Dad told me to sit in the middle of the theater because it had the best acoustics. Probably one of the nicest things he ever said to me.

Granddad stepped outside and I followed his lead. Once we got far away enough from the house, I spoke up.

"Sorry I invited Mom and Dad without asking you first."

"You were being polite," he chuckled, his eyes crinkling, "Don't be sorry for being polite." I started kicking a rock and Granddad kicked it back whenever it got to his side of the pavement. "You know, Bryce... You're much braver than you think you are."

I stuffed my hands in my pockets, thinking that he was simply being nice.

"And I'm not just saying that," Granddad wagged his finger in the air. I met his old, blue eyes and smiled with the side of my mouth. "A lot of kids don't have to deal with what you have to deal with."

We approached a big maple tree, its brown and yellow leaves crunching under our footsteps.

"I don't know if that makes me brave," I said quietly, "I'm just dealing with it."

"Exactly. You're dealing with it." I looked at him again. "It's easy to pretend things are fine. What takes courage is letting the pain exist. Being honest about it."

I couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

"What?" he asked, amusement in his voice.

"I feel like I should be giving you a dime for every piece of wisdom you give me."

"Well," Granddad snickered, "You and Juli seem to be the only ones who actually listen to this old coot's stories. Let's say there's an equal exchange. You let me ramble, and some of those ramblings end up helping you."

The mention of Juli suddenly made me warm.

"Well," I diverted, "We'll see how brave I am when we start having games."

"Don't worry," Granddad kicked the stone back towards me, "I'll be here for you."

After the movie, which had much more violence than I anticipated, Granddad and I strolled back towards the house in the dark and I couldn't help but think about how much could change in such a short amount of time. I felt like I was a completely different person at the end of middle school than I was now.

We made it to the house. Granddad was in the middle of a story about catching a catfish with his friends when he was 16 when he stopped and let out a small laugh. I turned around to see he'd stopped walking and was waving across the street. I looked over to see Juli sitting on her porch-swing, offering a wave back. I gave her an awkward flutter of my hand and waited as Granddad slowly caught up to me. For some reason, I randomly remembered reading that part of her journal under her bed and felt a rush of guilt. Then I thought of the letter I'd nearly given her. Man, was I grateful I never followed through with that grand gesture.

"See if she would like to go with us next time," Granddad said to me, "She's such a lovely spirit to have around." I laughed, joy filling me with not only the idea that Granddad wanted to make going to the movie theater a tradition, but also that Juli could come with us.

We entered the house and saw everything and everyone just as we had left them. Not much had changed and that gave me a comforting feeling. That night, I dozed off to sleep without the uneasiness I had grown so accustomed to. And it felt good.

**JULIANA**

As I watched Lynetta's hair bounce with every step she took towards me, I froze. I knew it was totally irrational, but what if she was going to ask me about Bryce? In front of everyone? That'd be mortifying.

"Hey, Jul," Lynetta confidently sat at the end of the cafeteria table and my friends silently stared at her.

"Hi," I cleared my throat.

"Are your brothers still kicking back with the band?"

My body let out a sigh of relief. All she wanted was an update on her old crew.

"Yeah," I nodded, "With college, they don't get to practice as often... But, yeah. They go out with them a lot.

"Rad," Lynetta quickly stood up, "I'll talk to them when I see them. Later." And with that, she left as quickly as she came.

"I like her hair a lot," Jessica self-consciously fluffed her light brown strands, "I wonder how she gets that volume."

"Who was that?" Jane asked.

"Lynetta- she's friends with my brothers," I answered.

"Also, Juli's future sister-in-law," Dana added loudly.

"Does he have nice hair, too?" Jessica asked.

I laughed to myself, taking a bite of my sandwich. "I-"

"To Juli, he has nice everything," Dana interrupted. I covered my eyes with my palm and sighed while the girls laughed.

"I need to see this guy," Jane decided with a coy smile.

"You have a big enough crush on Careers class guy; you don't need another," Jessica waved a hand at her, "Moving on- about the party tomorrow. Everyone is good to go, right?"

I sighed, "I completely forgot to ask." With everything involving uncle Daniel, getting permission to go to a house party was the last thing on my mind.

"Your parents will totally say yes," Dana lectured, "You never ask for anything."

"I hope so," I replied, "Allison?" I pointed to the redhead.

"My dad said yeah, just that my curfew is 10," Allison replied.

"Try to negotiate that to 10:30," Jessica decided, "I told my parents that there'd be adults- you gotta do what you gotta do. And I know Dana got a yes. And Jane caught her mom at a good time and told her we'd just be at my house. So, we're all good. The dude holding the party... what's his name..."

"Dennis," I mentioned, remembering his party promotion at Sal's the night before.

"Dennis," Jessica continued, "His house is close to mine so we can meet there and my sister said she'd give us a ride."

I thought about the web of fabrications some of us in the group had made just to go to this party and vowed to myself not to lie to Mom and Dad about it. I rarely lied to them before and I didn't want to start making it a habit. It'd be hard to convince them to let me go to a big freshie party at some boy's house... at least I could say I'd go with my friends and I'd happily accept whatever curfew they gave me.

"Juli," Jessica looked at me seriously, "Do whatever it takes to get your parents to say yes. All of us need to go. It just won't feel right if we're missing someone."

I smiled at her, feeling grateful of the sense of belonging. "I'll try my best."

After lunch, I spent every minute I could in my fourth and fifth periods reviewing for the English test. As much as I studied at Sal's last night, and at home, I couldn't help but feel like it wasn't enough.

Once I got to English, Mr. Coupland's less-than-lovely presence made me feel pretty cloyed for what was to come in the next hour. I settled in my seat, staring ahead and deciding that yes, Bryce did have nice hair.

As soon as the bell rang, papers were handed out. Eight short answer questions and one essay later, I put my pencil down and stretched out my sore fingers. Coupland had already written the homework assignment down that was due Monday. I started working on it until the bell finally rang.

I stood, placing my things in my bag. I could sense Bryce's stare from my peripheral vision. Pretending not to notice, I tried my best to look as good as one could look after a long test in a stuffy classroom.

The room started emptying and the volume of the students' conversations lowered.

"Hey," he finally said. I looked up, swinging my backpack over my shoulder as he stood by his desk. I strode down the walkway towards him, avoiding the crushed lead and pencil shavings on the floor.

"How was it?" I gave Bryce an animated grin.

He looked over his shoulder to Coupland, who was already flipping through the completed tests, seeing how we'd all done.

Bryce cleared his throat and dramatically projected his voice, "I love English!" I playfully jabbed at his ribs and he laughed. I peeked over at Coupland, who was too concentrated in making big red X's on someone's page.

We walked out of the room together. I felt like I'd never get used to how much Bryce towered over me now. As soon as we stepped into the hallway, Bryce sighed.

"That test was bull." His eyebrows furrowed.

"It was _so_ long," I shook my head, "I'm just glad it wasn't hard."

Bryce responded with silence and an offended stare. I burst out into laughter and it didn't take long for him to do the same.

"That wasn't hard for you?" Bryce asked, putting his arms up in the air, "Wait, no, of course not. Nothing's hard for you."

"That's not true," I said, matter-of-factly.

"I think it is," Bryce retorted.

We reached my locker and I got a rush of butterflies as Bryce leaned on the one next to mine. I put in my combination, nearly forgetting the order of numbers from the fuzzy feeling in my stomach.

"Why, hello!" I heard a voice behind me. I turned to see Dana. She waved to Bryce and I watched him suddenly stand straight and give her a tight smile.

"Hi," I said, the air of awkwardness settling.

"I'm in a rush," Dana lied, "But I was wondering- Bryce, are you going to Dennis' thing tomorrow?"

"Oh," his brown eyes darted between me and Dana, "I don't know."

"Juli is."

I pointed at nothing in particular, "It's not confirmed-"

"It mostly is," Dana nodded, "Hope to see you there!" She turned and walked away. I made eye contact with Bryce and he raised his eyebrows with a overwhelmed smile. Dana seemed to have a sick pleasure in making the two of us uncomfortable. I made a mental note to scold her for it later.

"Anyways," I awkwardly nodded, finally opening my locker. I searched my brain for something to say but thankfully he beat me to it.

"Oh, my granddad wanted me to ask you," Bryce brought a finger to his chin, "Would you want to come to the movie theater with us some time?"

"Really?" I lit up at the prospect of spending time with the two of them.

"Yeah," Bryce answered, an easy smile growing on his face. He was comfortable again and the fact that he could be relaxed with me made me feel a sense of pride. "We went to see Ben-Hur last night."

"Oh," I chuckled, "That's where you two were coming from. Did you like it?"

"Yeah," Bryce quickly replied, seeming anxious to hear my answer.

"Good! And sure, that'd be fun," I agreed, "Thanks." Bryce raked his hair back with his fingers and grinned.

"Well, I have practice," he said, "Pray I don't get pummeled."

"Just do that running you're so good at," I replied. Bryce gave me a knowing smirk before he left. I swallowed the lump in my throat and planned to walk extra slow by the football field on my way home.


	12. Chapter 12

**BRYCE**

After a football practice full of running and passing drills, I made my way home using the shortcut Juli handed down to me. I spent the first little bit talking to a guy named Roger that I met from football, but we eventually split once he had to make his next turn. Even though we were just in the beginning stages of the season, it felt good to be part of a team and to be working with people towards the same goal.

Then I thought about Juli. Well, of course I thought about her. The way Dana made it obvious that Juli was going to Dennis' party made it seem like Juli would really want me there. But maybe I was just being naive. After the summer I put her through, I was surprised Juli even talked to me. Thinking she was crushing on me seemed to be quite a reach.

And whenever I started thinking about the possibility of Juli liking me, the image of that diary under her bed always came to mind. What _did _she write about me in there? And why did I have to be so stupid as to glance at it? I knew I'd feel guilty about it after. And on top of that guilt was the nagging array of possibilities of what she could have written about me.

Then, that thought spun into another thought of that letter I wrote for her. I got a flash of anxiety once I realized I didn't know exactly where it was, and started imaging it falling into the wrong hands and being splashed on the front page of the newspaper.

_Local Teen Writes Embarrassing Love Letter to Girl Who Doesn't Even Like Him Anymore. Why Did She Like Him in the First Place? And Why Was He Too Stupid to Realize How Good He Had it? Now He's Just a Freak Who Writes Crappy Love Letters._

That sounds like it would totally happen.

I decided I'd be going to that party. What's the worst that could happen? And Juli was going to be there. I mentally made a plan to call Paul once I got home to be sure he'd be going to Dennis'. He was, after all, his cousin. Nothing better than having someone to stand next to at a social event.

The September wind sent a sea of browning leaves through the air and I went out of my way to step on the ones that looked the crispiest. I finally made it home, glancing over at the Baker house like I always did. The sycamore was growing, slowly but surely.

"Hey," Dad mumbled, looking at his watch as he cradled his beer on the couch, "Aren't you supposed to be home way earlier?"

"Football practice," I said. I tried not to roll my eyes, recalling how I talked about football yesterday over breakfast, when Mom asked about extracurriculars. But of course he didn't listen.

"Oh, yeah?" Dad's grin was kind of condescending, "What position they got you playing?"

"It's not decided yet," I shrugged, making my way towards the stairs once I took my shoes off.

"I hadn't pegged you as a football kind of guy." He tapped his fingers on the brown bottle. He kind of looked stunned. The idea of impressing him was sickeningly gratifying to me.

Granddad piped up from his rocking chair, "You enjoying it?"

"Yeah," I gave him a small smile. I dragged myself upstairs and lay in bed, thinking about how I could convince my parents to let me go to the party. I remembered the letter and quickly sat up to find it. After a few minutes, I found it on my bookshelf. I was sure I angrily threw it on the floor at one point... Leave it to me to subconsciously put it in a neater place. I productively dozed off before I could think anymore.

I woke up to Mom calling for dinner and felt the groggiest I'd ever felt. I went downstairs and passed Lynetta in the dining room, who was on the phone.

"True, good call. See ya." Lynetta hung up. It reminded me to find Paul's number and give him a call about tomorrow. Then again, I didn't even get permission to go. But it wouldn't hurt to know if he did.

I rifled through the phone book on the TV set once Lynetta went to grab a plate, and was lucky to find that the first number belonging to a Paszek in the listings was the one I was hoping for. After who I'm assuming was Paul's dad passed the phone to my friend, Paul told me that he was indeed planning to go to his cousin's freshie party. I hid behind the wall from my family as he gave me the address and said that Dennis' shindigs were always a blast. Now the pressure was on.

I sat at the quiet dinner table, grabbing spoonfuls of mashed potatoes. Lynetta got up shortly after, dropping her dirty dishes in the sink with a _clank_.

"I'm going over to Skyler's," Lynetta said, not looking at anyone in particular.

Dad let out a snort. I sighed to myself. This seemed to be the beginning of another round of Dad versus Lynetta.

"You can't just leave whenever you want. " He chewed his food loudly as he raised his voice at her.

"Talk about a double-standard," Lynetta mumbled as she passed behind me and out of the dining room.

"Excuse me?" He shouted. I silently prayed that Lynetta would be enough of an adult to not bark back. I looked at Granddad and his apprehensive face seemed to say that he was doing the same. But no amount of prayer would work.

"Come on, can't I take after you?" She popped her head back in, "Leaving whenever I please? You love to do that." I don't know why but my gaze went directly to Mom, who was watching the fight as if she was witnessing a car crash. The spectacle was about the same amount of decibels as one.

"Listen, Lynetta," Dad said as he dropped his fork onto his plate, "If you're going to live here-"

"Oh, do you want me to not live here? Want me to go? After Mom called me at Mary's house basically every day and begged me to come back? United front, my ass."

"You watch your language!" His finger was up in the air and his face was beginning to redden.

"Whatever." I looked over at Lynetta, who rolled her eyes before she disappeared again. I heard her heavy footsteps going up the stairs.

"What kind of reputation is she making for herself?" Dad looked at Mom, his voice still loud, "Going out at night, probably with those Baker boys and God knows who else, doing God knows what?" Mom's eyebrow was raised as she took a long sip of her water. She seemed to be a mixture of confusion and sadness.

Lynetta's familiar footsteps echoed down the staircase and was followed by the slamming of the front door. The dinner table stayed quiet and awkward. I wasn't sure what had just happened. It seemed like Lynetta was entirely done taking orders from Dad. And Dad knew it.

I felt so weak. I wished we could just be a normal family.

I looked at Mom again. I had no idea she was calling her daughter every day to try to get her to come back home. There was a lot going under the surface than Mom let on.

I had no appetite, but my stomach wouldn't stop furiously growling. I ate as fast as I could and went upstairs to do the bare minimum of my homework then get lost in my comic books.

Later on in the night, I heard a knock at my door. Granddad came in with two cups in his hands. He soundlessly settled at my desk as I sat up in bed. He passed me one of the mugs. Steam was flurrying out of it, and I looked at the dark concoction to see it was peppermint tea.

"Thanks," I smiled.

"You know, I had the strangest dream after that picture last night," Granddad said, "I was leading an army, but I eventually realized I was in my slippers. And I remembered thinking, 'How will anyone take me seriously while I'm wearing slippers?'"

"Did you manage to overthrow the nation?" I laughed, and took a sip of my tea.

"I don't think so," Granddad said as he put his finger to his chin, "I was too concerned about the footwear."

"I _never _remember my dreams," I shook my head, "If I do, it's for the first five seconds of the day. Then they're gone." I thought back to a conversation Juli and I had about lucid dreaming. She said she'd had many lucid dreams and I expressed obvious envy over it. I was pretty sure it was the day of the bee sting.

"My memory never lets me forget 'em," Granddad explained, "I remember once I dreamt that I won a bright red convertible. I woke up thinking it really happened the previous day. Renee was so confused when I told her I couldn't wait to drive the new car to work." I chuckled, imagining a young Granddad looking out at the driveway and realizing the jacked up car was just a dream.

"That's unfair," I shrugged, chuckling.

"Very," he said. I looked back down at my tea, wishing I slept enough to be having dreams. Or at least remembering them. The last good sleep I had was on Juli's floor. The fact that I was more comfortable on the neighbour's hardwood than my own bed spoke for itself.

After a few more moments of silently sipping tea, Granddad slapped his knee and looked at me.

"Well," he groaned, "I should be getting ready for bed. You look tuckered out yourself."

"I slept after school," I hazily said, "And I'm _still _tired."

"My advice to you is that you just don't put football before your education," Granddad said as he stood up, the belt of his robe dragging, "School's always first, right?"

I nodded, "Yes, sir." Granddad's wrinkled face had a smile on it.

As I sat in bed, rereading my comics and drinking my tea, I realized there was no way I'd get permission to go to the party. Especially after Lynetta's display tonight. In the past, whenever she'd get into trouble, Mom and Dad would double the authority on me. I think they realized they couldn't really control Lynetta so it made them feel better to really crack down on their less rebellious son. And if I asked to go to a party after Lynetta's little dinnertime revolt, I'd get a definite 'no' and most likely a list of chores.

I figured that since I'd been sneaking out all summer to take walks in the middle of the night and was never caught, sneaking out for the party seemed like the best option. Well, it was the only option if I wanted to go. And I just wanted to go.

**JULIANA**

I just wanted to get asking Mom and Dad to go to the party over with. I walked into the house to see Mom reading in the front room.

"Hi, hon," she hummed, "How was school?"

"Good," I said, rushed. I dropped my bag on the floor and leaned against the wall. "I was wondering about something."

She looked up at me and I could see practically see the myriad of suspicions that was rushing through her head. "Mhm?"

"Don't look so worried," I chuckled, "There's this get-together tomorrow night and I was hoping to go with my friends. You or Dad or Matt or Mark could drop me off at my friend Jessica's house. Her sister said she'd drive us to the party. I won't fight any curfew you give me. And I'll be smart. And responsible."

"You want to go to a party?" Mom rested the book in her lap, her eyebrows raised.

"Is that surprising?"

"It doesn't seem like your... scene," she shrugged.

I was eager to just get an answer out of her. "I wanna go. I mean, I'd like to."

"I don't see why not," Mom began, "You know I trust you. We'll discuss it with Dad when he gets home. He might be a tougher egg to crack."

"Thanks, Mom," I smiled.

"You deserve some fun." She gave me a sweet smile. I think I deserved some fun, too. After the lecture Mom and Dad would give me before going out, that is.

I was doing homework in the front room when Dad came home. My heart suddenly lurched as I thought of the possibility that he'd shut down my idea. I didn't even know if I was so keen on going to the party because I actually wanted to, or because I was just trying to avoid disappointing my friends and missing out on the experience.

"How are the two most wonderful girls in the world?" Dad took off his hat at the door and smoothed his hair down. Mom let out a short chuckle as she came out of the kitchen to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"What about your sons?" I pointed out, looking up from my book.

"Goes without saying," he shrugged with guff, "They're charming and handsome. Just look at their father."

I let out a laugh.

"Where are those two, anyway?" he asked, squinting.

"Band practice," Mom put her hands on her hips, "You know how once the weekend hits, it's like they don't even exist." That reminded me of Lynetta's brief interrogation with me today. I wondered if she was with them now.

"Ain't that true," he chuckled, walking into the front room and lying on the love-seat.

"Dad," I started, "May I please go to a party tomorrow?"

"What, like a birthday party?" he asked. Mom stepped closer to us, looking like she was anticipating his answer as much as I was.

"More like a get-together. Some kids from school. I'd be going with my friends."

"How late is it?"

"There's no official start time," I tapped my fingers against my knee, "But if you want to give me an early curfew, that's totally fine."

"And what friends?" He laced his fingers together and rested them on his belly.

"Dana, Allison, Jessica, and Jane. I have lunch with them every day." I don't know why I added the minuscule detail.

"And what kind of party is this?"

"Just a bunch of freshmen from my school are going."

"And it's at someone's house?"

"Yes."

"Whose?"

"His name is Dennis."

"Dennis," Dad echoed.

"Jessica and Jane know him," I quickly continued, "They went to middle school with him. And I met him. Also, his house is really close to Jessica's and her sister offered to drive us there."

He sighed and I bit my lip.

"Juliana, a lot can happen at a seemingly innocent house party," he sighed, "You would stay with your friends the entire time? And not do anything unwise?"

"Yes." I gave a confident nod.

"I don't know," Dad went on as he shook his head, "It's not you I don't trust, it's other people."

I already accepted his no. But it never came.

"Fourteen years old and asking to go to parties... You were in diapers yesterday," Dad looked over at Mom, who still had her hands on her hips.

"I think it's okay to let her go, Richard," Mom added, "We can trust her. And she deserves to enjoy herself."

"Juliana, what's a curfew _you _think would be fair?"

I was thrown off. Was this some kind of parent mind-trick? I thought back to Jessica telling Jane to ask for 10:30.

"10:30?" I nervously asked.

"Okay," Dad nodded, "Reasonable. I can pick you up. Do you have the address?"

"Yes," I answered, "394 Wicker Road." My memory impressed me.

"You came prepared," Dad let out a chuckle and Mom did the same. He sat up and looked me straight in the eyes.

"Remember that we trust you. And once you break trust, it's very difficult to get back." Those were his final words before he started talking to Mom about a work social he'd have to drag her to.

I called my friends in a group conversation before Dad could change his mind, and gave them the news.

"Boss!" Jessica exclaimed, "Do you all want to come around 8?"

"Can I come earlier?" Jane's voice was quiet.

"Course," Jessica answered.

"What's your address?" I asked.

"27 Nightwood. Big, white house." I wrote her address right under Dennis' and read it back to her. "Did you have to put up a fight when you asked, Jul?"

"Not that much," I stood in the empty kitchen and played with the phone cord.

"27?" Dana asked.

"Yes," Jessica and I said in unison.

"Juli, do you want to just get a ride to Jessica's with me and my mom tomorrow? I can be there at 7:45?"

"Sure, thanks!" I answered.

"I hope this party's not a total bust based on how much work we put into it," Jessica laughed.

"We'll have fun regardless," Allison interjected.

"You'd have fun with a shoe box," Dana teased, and we all laughed.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Allison said.

We all stayed on the phone for another twenty minutes until Jane said her mom needed to call someone and Allison said if she spent another minute without a shower after soccer practice, she'd become radioactive.

Jessica, Dana, and I stayed on as Jessica asked us about adding polynomials. I was reiterating the steps I remembered from last year as Dana hummed along to her Dad's Fleetwoods record.

"I saw a kid writing his answers in pen today," Jessica said, "Can you imagine having that confidence?"

"I personally hate using pens at all," I added.

"At all?" Jessica sounded astounded, "But some of them write so smooth."

"Make sure to use this conversation topic at tomorrow's party," Dana laughed, "It's absolutely riveting."

"I'll walk out with five boyfriends with these communication skills," Jessica said, "And speaking of boyfriends- Juli, is yours going?"

"He's not my boyfriend," I grinned, "Now you're in on the teasing, too?"

"I asked him if he was going and he said he didn't know," Dana simply stated, "But he seemed a little more eager about it once I said Juli was going."

"I can never win with you," I laughed. I couldn't help but feel excited over the prospect of seeing Bryce there.

"He was cute for the five seconds I saw him that one time," Jessica went on, "Nothing to be ashamed of. Trust me."

Mom came into the kitchen to tend to the tomato sauce that was slowly simmering on the stove top. Dad followed and started setting the table in the dining room.

"Okay, I'm gonna have dinner now," I said into the phone, "I'll see you guys tomorrow." I hung up the phone and grabbed glasses from the cupboard. Mom, Dad, and I sat at the table and noticed the lack of noise when Matt and Mark weren't there.

"I swear, you'd _think _those boys actually moved out for college with how much they're gone," Dad said as he plopped pasta on my plate for me.

"Are they ever gonna get tired of that band?" I laughed, adding tomato sauce to the mound of noodles on my plate. "They spend all their money on equipment and junk food."

"Equipment and junk food," Dad replied, "You just described their paradise."

"Well, they're missing out on a great dinner," I smiled at Mom, "It looks great."

"Thank you, honey," Mom smiled, "Feel free to eat everything you see; I already sectioned off their portions."

"Thanks! Oh, Dana offered to give me a ride to Jessica's tomorrow." I looked to Dad. "So, I just need you to pick me up from the party." He nodded.

"How was your day, Juli?" Mom started her routine dinner talk without skipping a beat.

I bit into my meal, "Good. My English test went pretty well-"

The phone's ringing interrupted me. I stood up and mumbled to myself about why my friends would be calling again.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hi," a female voice was loud from the other side, "Matt or Mark there?"

"Uh, no," I looked over at Mom and Dad as if they could tell me who the mystery person on the phone was.

"Y'know where they are?" Lynetta. I recognized her voice.

"Not sure. Probably in Skyler's basement as usual, though."

She let out a cackle, "True, good call. See ya." I heard a click on the other end and hung up the phone.

"Pretty sure that was Lynetta," I walked back to the table and sat down, "Asking about Matt and Mark again."

"Again?" Mom asked.

"Oh, I saw her at school today and she asked me about them there, too."

"So, she's back," Mom replied, "That's great. I was worried about that poor girl."

And that was about as far as our family would go with anything resembling gossip. I dug into my food and continued to talk about my day, wishing I could give Lynetta a definite answer of where her friends were. I was sure she was just looking for a way out of that house without having to pack up and leave again.

After dinner, Mom and Dad watched television as I read in my room. I eventually felt myself drifting off so I tucked myself in and fell asleep thinking about the party and all the things that could possibly happen. Probably nothing would.


	13. Chapter 13

**BRYCE**

The first thing I did when I woke up was check on Lynetta. Sure enough, she was snoring face-down in her bed. Then I went downstairs to see Mom and Granddad eating at the table.

"Good morning," I mumbled, grabbing some cereal. Mom repeated the greeting to me and I sat down with them.

"You sleep well?" Granddad asked. I nodded. We quietly ate and I wondered where Dad was. He was usually up at this time, handing out backhanded compliments. I already felt guilty for the sneaking out I was going to be doing that night but the need to get out was stronger. I was tired of the routine I'd gotten so used to, and even if Dennis' party would turn out to be a bust, at least it was a change.

After breakfast, Granddad and I watched reruns of Lassie in the living room and made snide comments about people putting their fate into a dog's hands. Or paws.

"Where's Dad?" I said quietly. Granddad gave me a solemn expression and I was half-expecting him to say he left again.

"A car show."

"Oh," I replied, "Sounds... boring."

"I like those shows," Granddad said to me. I realized he probably looked so low because he might have wanted to go. Of course, Dad wouldn't have been kind enough to invite him.

"Maybe we can go to the next one." I stared at the TV screen. "I could learn more about those loud things on wheels." Granddad chuckled and agreed.

Around 11, Lynetta came down the stairs, white as a sheet. She dragged her feet as she made her way to the kitchen.

"If I didn't know her, I'd think she was a mummy," Granddad whispered. I laughed loudly.

"What's so funny?" Lynetta asked, quickly appearing from behind the wall. I pointed to the TV.

"Lassie," Granddad and I said in unison.

Mom started to fix up lunch soon after and the four of us sat at the table. There seemed to be more ease in the atmosphere, and I was sure it was because Dad wasn't there to make us all tense.

"Did you have a fun night, Lyn?" Mom asked.

"I guess," my sister shrugged, "Skyler got a new amp and was talking about it for nearly thirty minutes.."

"He always _was _a great conversationalist," I quipped. She ignored me and continued.

"And Matt and Mark are really liking college."

"Oh," Mom seemed pleased and leaned in, "Have you been thinking about college lately?"

"Let me finish high school first," Lynetta said as she swatted hair out of her face. Mom looked dejected.

"You know, Bryce," Granddad piped up, "Keep going with football and you could possibly gain a scholarship. I did."

"Really?" I asked. I knew Granddad played, but didn't realize it was as a big deal to him.

"Really." He took a bite of his sandwich. "Our college football team was God-awful, but the scholarship sure was excellent."

"Wow," I said, feeling nervous over the prospect of college even though I was barely a freshman, "Fingers crossed."

"Scholarships are a wonderful opportunity," Mom chimed in, "That would be great for you, Bryce."

"Cool it," Lynetta said, "He has years to figure it out." I was sure she was only speaking up for the sake of arguing, and not to defend me.

"I just want the best for you two," Mom said sternly. I glanced over at Lynetta, who looked down and swallowed hard.

"I know," she finally said, "Sorry." I had never seen her actually apologize to one of our parents before. Or anyone, actually. Mom looked just as surprised.

"Good," Mom stuttered, "Anyways, you all know what you want for dinner?"

I helped clean up the table and decided to go on a bike ride. As I stepped outside, I looked at the house across the street and thought about the party and seeing Juli there. I hoped the night would go as okay as possible.

The September air was cool and forgiving as I rode the route that Juli and I took the most in the summer. Sometimes I wished I could just go back to those days when things weren't so complicated. Good one, Bryce. Acquiring a time machine is a totally realistic goal.

I remembered the corner shop Juli mentioned she worked at, and realized I only heard about it but never actually saw it. I rode around for a while looking for it, but it's not like I'd know it if I saw it. I scoffed to myself thinking about the fact that Juli wasn't even 15 yet and already went out and got herself a job. She was definitely unique.

I wished I had the guts to just invite her to this spontaneous bike ride I was on, but I wasn't as brave as I liked to think I was. Maybe I had a courage quota. Trying to kiss her at the Basket Boys lunch was one. Almost kissing her on the bridge was two. Standing up to Coupland was a strong three. Asking to sleep on her floor was four. If that counts, even. I think that was more desperation than courage. I guess four was all the cards dealt me. Or three, really.

I was going to drive myself crazy if I kept thinking about all the embarrassing moments I'd been the starring role in in the past few months. I decided to try and find Dennis' house to know where to go that night, remembering Paul's directions, and surprised myself with how quick I located it. Bryce Loski: no guts but, boy, did he have the jets to navigate himself around a dinky town.

I slowly biked home and read comic books until dinner time. Dad still wasn't back and was probably out with his buddies from the car show, which was totally fine with me. I was pretty quiet all through dinner, nervously imagining how I'd be sneaking out. What if I couldn't get past Granddad? I could tell him I was going on a walk. Just a simple two-, three-hour walk. Wait, how long did people even stay at house parties? Maybe I could just say my friend invited me over. But at 9 pm? Well, I could say it was a sleepover. No, Mom would want to know what friend it was and talk to his parents. Sneaking out was the best option. My brain was doing the over-thinking thing again.

Night fell and I thought I'd dress up for the occasion. I slicked my hair into a haphazard version of what people called the "Jelly Roll" hairstyle (which was a name I hated) and put on my best jacket. I stood at my bedroom door and took a mental record of where everyone was. Lynetta left right after dinner to go out with her friends, so that wasn't an issue. She wouldn't care I was sneaking out, anyway. I could hear Mom on the phone in her room. I crept down the stairs, and saw the back of Granddad's head as he sat in the living room. I slowly went past him and towards the kitchen, slipping out the back door. Being so stealth made me feel kind of cool.

Walking to Dennis' only took around twenty minutes and I was assuming it was about 9:30 pm once I got to his front door. I knocked and the door eventually swung open. Dennis' face was pink and he had a huge smile on his face.

"Hey! You're Paul's friend, right?" He hit my shoulder and led me in, then a thrust a beer bottle at me. "Please, finish this. I'll conk out if I have any more."

I held the cold glass in my hand. Even my over-thinking hadn't prepared me for this. I reluctantly took a big sip as I followed him down the hall, wincing at the bitterness.

"I'm gonna go grab some more for everyone," Dennis spoke over the rock and roll coming from downstairs, "Go 'head."

I trudged down the stairs, multiple party-goer conversations filling my ears. The basement was packed, and no one noticed me coming. I kept my head down, hiding my beer bottle in my jacket as if it was a secret that anyone was drinking. I saw Paul and quickly made my way over to him.

"Hey," I said to him and the stranger he was with. The other guy gave me a friendly nod.

"Hey, Bryce," Paul was still his composed self as he pointed at his friend, "Dan, Bryce. Bryce, Dan." I greeted the other kid and took another sip of the beer, not knowing what else to do. I could've stood there in silence and been totally fine with it. Which is what I did.

Paul and Dan kept conversing as I listened in, drinking until the bottle was empty. I already felt a warm buzz all over. Is that what drinking was? Tasting something borderline revolting just so you could feel all gooey inside?

I looked over at a nearby table to see a bunch of unopened bottles and was compelled to grab another. I went for it and drank some more, then some more, then some more. Then also, some more. The warmth turned into a cloud of confusion and hilarity. I steadied myself against the wall, feeling more comfortable to talk to Paul and Dan. We were all laughing at... something stupid, when I saw Juli. Beautiful, gorgeous Juli. She was right in front of me. And the booze in my system assured me that I wasn't about to mess this up.

**JULIANA**

I didn't realize how much I didn't know about house party attire until I found myself staring at my closet and thinking, _That probably isn't suitable _for every article of clothing I considered. I thought about calling my friends, but felt weird caring so much about something as futile as what fabrics I'd be putting on my body. And to be honest, I wasn't even sure if I was putting so much thought into this because I wanted to fit the house party mold, or because I wanted to look nice when seeing Bryce there.

_If _he was even going, that is. I couldn't really imagine a world where his parents reacted the same way to a teenage party invitation the way mine did. I sighed as I realized he probably wasn't going. Unless he was sneaking out. But that didn't really sound like Bryce.

I settled for some loose dark trousers and a red and white striped tank top, then went to find Mom eating in the dining room. I couldn't shake the tenseness I was feeling, and it felt strange to be worried about something as small as a simple house party. I guess new things weren't always easy.

"Hi," I announced myself, "Could I borrow any of your perfume?" She looked up at me with an intrigued expression.

"Certainly," Mom said as she stood up, "And barrettes?" I subconsciously patted my hair.

"Do I need them?" I asked. She shook her head with a sure expression and lead me to her and Dad's room. I sat at the vanity and looked at myself in the glow that the bright light bulbs lining the top edge of the mirror were giving off. Mom grabbed a box from the large tabletop and placed it in front of me. It had about seven perfume bottles, varying in light tones.

"Any reason you look so concerned?" Mom asked. I looked up at her reflection in the mirror as she stood behind me.

"I look concerned?" I echoed.

"I think you'll like the green one," Mom said with her hands on her hips, "It's supposed to smell like daisies." I nodded as I picked up the bottle. "And you do look concerned. Do you not want to go to the party? You don't have to just because your friends want to."

"No, no, I do," I nodded, "I guess I just... don't know if I look the part."

Mom grabbed my shoulders and knelt down, looking at me with serious blue eyes through the mirror.

"You can fit in anywhere, Juli. I hope you never think otherwise." I smiled and awkwardly stared down at the cold bottle in my hands. "And how you dress and what flower you choose to smell like doesn't change that."

"Thanks, Mom," I responded, not expecting the sudden gravity in conversation, "So, do you have any hairstyle tips?"

"I always loved the way ponytails looked on you," Mom said as she pulled my long, brown hair back. She grabbed a clasp from another box on the vanity and made a tight, high plait, then added a white ribbon. I admired my new look as I sprayed on some perfume. There was a knock at the front door and I thanked Mom again before running to go answer it.

Dana stood on the porch with big hair and an even bigger smile. I grabbed my coat as she politely said hello to Dad, who was watching from the living room with an apprehensive stare.

We made our way to her mother's car and were quickly at Jessica's. Soon enough we were in Jessica's room, listening to Elvis. Jessica had to play it quietly though, saying that her parents really didn't like him.

"Parents don't like anything that the kids like," Jane complained as she looked through Jessica's record collection, "If it were up to my mom, we'd all be listening to... swing music or something."

"That's grody," Jessica exclaimed.

"I sincerely hope tonight's a bash," Dana said, lying in Jessica's bed and tossing a pillow up and down.

"Don't worry," Jane answered, "At our last school, Dennis was known for his parties."

"Do you know if there's going to be..." Allison began to speak. We all looked at her as she got quiet in her reserved space on the floor. "Alcohol?"

"Why?" I laughed, not considering Allison one to be looking for that kind of stuff.

"Just wanna know what to expect," she shrugged.

"Probably," Jane replied, "His parents are never home and his dad keeps a huge stash." Jessica stood from her writing desk and threw herself on the bed in between myself and Dana.

"I drank once before," Jessica whispered, "Not enough to feel anything, though. It was gross."

"I never did," I said, knowing I wasn't going to start tonight.

"Me, neither," said Dana.

"Me, neither," echoed Allison.

"I have," Jane said. It was surprising coming from her, considering that she seemed like more the wallflower type. "It makes you feel... fuzzy."

"Fuzzy?" Jessica snorted.

"You'll see," Jane waved a dismissive hand. She seemed more confident tonight, and I was sure that part of it was because she was so done up.

We chatted a bit more and gave Jessica fashion advice as she leafed through her big closet. She eventually decided on a pretty pink dress and looked stunning in it. Her big sister, who seemed a bit intimidating, came in later and told us it was time to go.

We arrived at Dennis' and my stomach was suddenly doing flips. I felt completely out of my element. I didn't know what to expect or what was expected of me. At least I had my friends by my side.

Dennis answered the door, making me feel a bit more comfortable with his charismatic persona. He welcomed us in and told us the two golden rules: take off your shoes and don't break anything. As he spoke with us, he seemed to be giving Allison a lot more eye contact than the rest of the group. He directed us to the basement, which had about five people in it already. _Hound Dog_ was playing and Jessica gave us a thumbs up.

"Did anyone notice the eyes he was making at Allison?" Dana suggestively asked, nudging Allison as the five of us stood together by the TV.

"What? No." Allison turned red as she denied it.

"It's not fun being the target of this matchmaker, huh?" I laughed.

"You just wait until Bryce shows up," Dana promised. I was glad to take the attention off of Allison.

"_If_ Bryce shows up," I told her, "And I expect you to meet someone tonight so we can finally tease you about a crush."

"I wish," Dana answered.

"I hope that cute boy from Careers class comes," Jane whispered to us, "You can finally tell me what you think of him."

"Hopefully tonight, you'll take great strides in your relationship. Who knows? You could actually learn his name," Jessica teased.

"Shut up," Jane laughed.

"I dare you to lay one on him if he comes," Jessica egged her on.

"Enough drinks and you _know_ I'd take that dare."

"Oh, Jane," Dana giggled, "We're seeing a whole different side of you."

Jane shrugged and stated, "I like parties."

"Don't be shy to gorge yourself," Dennis announced to us as he stormed down the stairs, a group of three girls I didn't know following him, "I have every kind of potato chip known to mankind set up."

The separate groups of friends quickly began to merge as we mingled. It started with Jessica recognizing a girl from one of her classes, and soon enough, we were all chatting with kids who were strangers just a few minutes ago.

Dana, Allison, and I were talking to a couple of boys who were quick to start drinking. They both kept taking quick sips from their beers and became more talkative the more they downed what I imagined didn't taste so good.

One of the boys invited Dana to a "chip taste test," leaving Allison and I with the other boy who loved talking about the San Francisco 49ers. The night went on as Allison and I shared a lot of side conversations as we worked through the group of strangers, keeping an eye on Jessica and Jane as they started to feel the effects of what Dennis called "giggle water."

An hour later, the basement was loud and full of people. During a conversation with Allison about party games, I spotted a figure coming down the stairs. It was Bryce. My heart began to pound.

He kept his head down and his hands concealed in his jean jacket, looking more handsome than I'd ever seen. I watched as he spotted someone and paced over to them, looking unsure about his surroundings. I turned my head to see that it was Paul.

I looked back at Allison, who was grinning at me with a mischievous look.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" she asked.

"Honestly? No," I admitted, "I'm sorry."

She laughed, "It's okay. He looks... nice."

"Yeah," I swallowed hard. I don't know if it was the carefree atmosphere, but I really wanted to go over there and just flirt with him. I turned my attention back to Allison.

"So, you were saying?"

Allison and I kept talking as I snuck glances at Bryce. I noticed he had a beer bottle in his hand, and wondered why he was drinking it. Did he actually like it or was he just trying to fit in?

Dana joined us soon after, saying she needed to go to the restroom. Allison said she'd go with her and I was left standing alone. I figured now was the best time to go to talk to this boy who I thought about so much.

I approached Bryce as he stood with Paul and another kid I didn't know, and his loopy smile turned to a serious look once he saw me.

"Hi," I said cheerfully. He sat up straight and cleared his throat.

"Hey. How you- how are you?" I let out a chuckle, looking over at his friends as they laughed at his slip up.

"Good, you?"

"Good," he answered. Paul and the other boy seemed to take a cue and quickly turned their backs, engaging in conversation with other people.

"That's good." I smiled, my cheeks hot as he looked down at me.

"You look really pretty," Bryce slurred. I chuckled, not used to him showing this kind of affection. He smelled very strongly of alcohol. More like reeked.

"Oh, thanks."

"This is nice," he said as he reached out to touch my ponytail.

"Thank you." I rubbed my hands together, his straightforwardness throwing me off. As if my heart needed a reason to beat even faster.

"No problem," he said slowly, wincing as he pulled his arm back.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," he answered with a laugh, "Kind of sore from football."

"I bet." I nodded, remembering the drills I saw the team running after school. "Again, sweet job with trying out for football. And making it."

"What?" I don't think he understood me but I kept going.

"It was brave. I don't think... the old Bryce would've done that." I thought about how he stood up to Coupland for me, too. The old Bryce wouldn't have done that, either. It seemed that my brain was trying to remind me of why I liked this inebriated goofball in the first place.

"Do you like this new Bryce better?" His dimples caved in as he grinned sloppily.

"Um," I chuckled awkwardly, "Maybe when he's not full of alcohol."

"So, is that what you write about me in your diary? Old Bryce and New Bryce?"

"What?" I stared into his brown eyes.

"I saw my name there."

"What are you talking about?" Suddenly, Dana came up with a sweet hello and handed me a cup, saying it was punch. I was too focused on what Bryce was saying to me to realize the cup was a thin plastic and wouldn't withstand my grip as I squeezed it. Cold juice spilled over my fingers. "You read my diary?"

"No, no, shh." Bryce brought his finger to his pink lips and I couldn't stand how angry I was at him. "I'm sorry! I just saw... my... my name. Under your bed is too obvious a place to keep it. I couldn't help myself."

"Under your bed?" Dana shrieked, grabbing my forearm. "When was he-" I looked over at her with a bewildered expression. I never told anyone about how he slept over that night, but who was I to share his dirt? He probably didn't want people knowing his house wasn't such a nice place to be. But right now all I wanted to do was let him have it.

"Listen-" I began.

"Oh, if you only knew..." He interrupted, tapping the tip of my nose with his finger. I pushed it away.

"Knew what?" I probed.

"What I've written about you."

"What are you talking about?"

"A whole letter! A whole letter _just _for Juliana Baker!" He looked off into the distance. "I should probably throw that out." He laughed. "Oops."

"A letter?" I was shocked. "What?"

"I wrote it in the summer..." He was slurring even more heavily. "Was going to give it to you. Didn't..."

His gaze was suddenly fixed on something and he looked baffled. I turned to see what it was and saw Jane coming straight to him with half-closed eyes and a dopey grin. That's when she grabbed him by his jacket and kissed him hard. It suddenly came crashing down at me all at once.

The crush she was always talking about from her Careers class was Bryce.

Bryce, who read my diary.

And who was having his first kiss with another girl right in front of me.


	14. Chapter 14

**BRYCE**

Ache. That was the first word that came to mind.

I was scared to open my eyes and discover that I was in a place I didn't know. Once I mustered up the courage to look, I realized that I was below my own ceiling in my own bed. Before I could even try to recount how I got home, I felt a hot rush coming up my esophagus. My legs were heavy as I raced to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me to upchuck the most disgusting thing that ever hit my tongue.

I realized I only had my underwear on. What a class act I was. At least I was smart enough to take off my clothes when I got home last night.

As I sat, ready for the inevitable next rush of vomit, I tried to organize last night chronologically. I knew that I walked to Dennis'. I knew I was drinking beer. A lot of it. I knew that I was hanging out with Paul and his friend... whose name I totally didn't remember. I knew that Juli came up to me at some point.

Damn it. Juli. I struggled to make sense of my blurry memory. What did I say to her?

The sudden image of her swatting me away came into my mind. Oh, God. I bet I was being a total jackass. I couldn't, for the life of me, remember what Juli and I talked about. Another surge of last night's beer came out of my mouth.

Someone kissed me. My heart dropped. Someone definitely kissed me last night. Who? Was it Juli? It had to be Juli. Who else would? Oh, God. Did I seriously finally kiss Juli and I couldn't remember it?

I came to terms with the fact that sitting at the toilet and realizing that I couldn't remember who kissed me was not one of my best moments.

Once I was able to stand up, I brushed my teeth and washed my face and stared back at my reflection. It was clear that the gel I put in my hair gave up long ago, as my hair flopped flat on my head. I had dark circles under my eyes, which offered the only bit of colour on my pale face. I groaned to myself and put some clothes on before I made my way downstairs.

I saw Lynetta lying back on the sofa with the phone at her ear. The cord to the phone was stretched to the max, which Mom always yelled at us about, so it was clear that Mom wasn't home. I peeked out the front window to see that Dad's car was gone. And Granddad wasn't in the living room, so he was probably gone, too. I tried to figure out where they were as I limped my way to the kitchen until Lynetta interrupted me.

"Just a sec," she said into the phone. She put it to her chest and looked at me. "You are the_ picture_ of a hangover."

"Shh," I urged.

"Relax," Lynetta said, "They're at church."

"Oh, right. It's Sunday," I realized. I looked into the fridge to grab water. I ambled to the dinner table as Lynetta stared at me from the front room.

"You're totally in the clear, by the way," she explained, "You were unreal this morning."

"What?" I exclaimed, "Lynetta, tell me everything."

Lynetta chuckled, "You honestly don't remember it?"

"For crying out loud," I said, "Tell me!"

"Calm down, spaz," Lynetta sighed, "Mom tried waking you up and you just went on and on about a stomach ache. She tried to get you to see a doctor but you said you just wanted to sleep. Then, she tried to make me go to church again. And that got loud. You honestly don't remember any of it?"

"No." I drank my water. I couldn't recall a second of being woken up. "Do you know when I got home? Or how I got home?"

"God," my sister laughed, "You got blitzed!" I gave her a look. "I don't," Lynetta replied, "And I got home really late. So, if you came after me, I didn't hear anything."

"Okay," I said, "So, no one knows what I did last night?"

"Only I do," Lynetta said, her eyebrow arched. "Everyone else thinks you're just sick."

"Which means you have ammo against me," I complained.

"Which means you have to pull out all the weeds in the yard. Mom told me to have it done by the time they get home." Lynetta put the phone back up to her ear. "Do my chores and I won't tell!"

If I had a past life, I must've been a really bad guy to deserve Lynetta as a sister. I looked at the clock to see that I had an hour til noon, which was about the time when everyone would get home. Sighing, I finished my water and went out into the hot sun to garden. I knew that I deserved it for being stupid the night before.

As I pulled weeds, I kept looking over at Juli's house to see any signs of life. I had to plan out how I'd talk to her. You can't just straight out ask someone if you kissed. How insulting would that be? Maybe I would ask Paul what happened.

Within 40 minutes, I finished weeding the garden and went inside to take a shower, passing Lynetta as she continued to yammer on the phone. As I stood under cold water, I thought about how lucky I was to get away with last night. Mom must have just assumed that I went to bed early, and it's not like Dad or Granddad would check on me. I was paying for my stupidity, though. This hangover made me feel like I was rotting from the inside and I was incredibly anxious over the fact that I couldn't remember every detail of the party.

After my shower, I went back to lie in bed and hoped that staring at the ceiling would make this awful feeling go away. Soon enough, I heard the front door open downstairs and I got under the covers to keep up my sick ruse.

"Hi, darling," Mom said as she peeked her head into my room. She sat at the end of my bed, her strong floral perfume making me want to upchuck again.

"Hi," I mumbled. She leaned forward and felt my forehead with the back of her hand.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better." I mumbled just in case the smell of alcohol was still in my mouth.

"Do you need to eat?" I knew this question was a trap. According to her, everyone was always hungry and if they weren't, they were lying.

"Yes," I answered. She gave my hand a squeeze and told me she'd call me down for lunch. Eventually, I was at the dining table staring down at the turkey sandwich my stomach was telling me was a bad idea.

"What's wrong with _him_?" Dad asked with a full mouth. I looked up and my throat was dry. He already had a stain on his church clothes. "See a doctor."

"I'm okay," I answered, "Feels like just a mild cold or something." I felt Lynetta's eyes burning a hole through me.

"Patsy, what was the name of that idiot with the mustache?" Dad turned his attention to Mom. "He was a nosy one."

"Will," Mom answered.

"God, his daughter is the same way," Lynetta mentioned, "The O'Connors, right? I feel like I'm being interrogated every time I talk to her."

"Guess it runs in the family," Dad complained. _Apparently so does gossiping,_ I thought.

"Do you have a sore throat?" I heard Granddad ask me. I turned to look at him.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Salt water."

"That sounds awful," I chuckled.

"It works," he replied with a smile.

I spent the rest of my afternoon in my room, catching up on homework and praying I wouldn't throw up again. Thankfully, once I had dinner, I wasn't feeling as awful. As I cleaned up the table, Mom did the dishes.

"Bryce, hon," Mom called, "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes," I answered.

"Perfect," she said, "Could you please walk the rest of this pie to the Bakers' house?" I froze.

"Um," I stammered, "I-"

"Don't give them our leftovers, Patsy," Dad said from the living room, "They probably need them, but isn't it going a little too far if we make it obvious that they're a charity case?"

"It's not charity," Mom answered, "We don't have room for it and I'd rather give it to someone then throw out half a pie."

"Well, I doubt they ever have the luxury of dessert," Dad laughed, "They won't even know what it is." God, he was a jerk. I almost wanted to give them the pie just to spite him. Mom sighed to herself.

"I can take it," I said. I acted as if it was completely fine, when really, all I could feel was nervousness. How awkward would it be if I went over and Juli answered the door? Well, I was trying to be more brave. I just kept forgetting that being brave sucked.

"Thank you, dear," Mom mumbled. She handed me the nicely wrapped bowl and gave me a kiss on my forehead. I stepped outside into the cool evening air and walked towards the intimidating house across the street.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I knocked on the door and held the heavy bowl. I didn't even look in the mirror since the morning. Oh, God. What if I had muck on my face? I quickly smoothed down my hair and ran my fingers over my face.

The door swung open. It was Juli. She had a smile on her face. And once she realized who was knocking, her smile disappeared.

"Hey," I said, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat.

"Hi." Juli said it like a question. I knew I looked like crap, and there she was in front of me, being so beautiful and acting like it wasn't a big deal at all.

"Um." I looked down at the bowl. "My mom... made some pie. And she sent it over." I heard voices behind me and looked to see two figures coming out of a car in Juli's driveway. I immediately recognized one of the guys. It was the older dude who hugged Juli in the hallway that day. What was he doing here? He walked towards the door with a man about Dad's age beside him. The two of them looked at me, then over to Juli.

"Hey, come in," she kindly said, "Uh, this is Bryce. He lives across the street. This is Evan and Sal." I nodded to both of them awkwardly. Sal as in Sal's store? I realized the older guy must have been Juli's boss. But what was this other joker doing?

The two of them stepped into the house and I quickly pushed the bowl towards Juli. I knew I'd regret it if I didn't say anything.

"Can we talk?" I lowly said. Juli's green eyes searched my face. "I don't remember anything about last night." Juli looked over at her visitors to see they were occupied with talking to her father.

"You don't? Anything?" she whispered. I shook my head. "We can. At school tomorrow. Talk, I mean."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Why?" Her expression was expectant.

"I don't know," I honestly answered, "I just had a feeling I had to apologize."

"Okay." Juli looked down at the pie. "Tell your mom we say thank you. I'll see you later." I really hated saying goodbye to Juli.

"Bye." I turned around and went towards the house. I bet tomorrow would be the day Juli would cut all ties with me and tell me she'd never forgive me for being an idiot the night before. And I bet this Evan kid was her boyfriend and she'd be perfectly happy without me.

**JULIANA**

I always hated crying. And here I was, in Dennis' parents' bathroom, sitting on the rim of the tub and crying. I couldn't believe I just watched Bryce have his first kiss with my friend. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. It was supposed to me and him.

I heard a knock on the door.

"Juli?" It was Allison. I stood up and unlocked it, seeing her standing there with a concerned expression. "I was looking for you everywhere." I went back to my impromptu seat and Allison shut the door behind her. She sat on the floor across from me.

"Aren't you supposed to save the crying until after you get drunk?" she joked. I cracked a smile. "What happened?"

"Bryce... He just..." I stammered.

"I hate him." We laughed.

"Let me finish the story first," I told her. "Um... So, turns out that guy Jane liked? It's Bryce."

"What?" Her eyes were wide.

"Yeah." I looked down, picking at my fingernails. "And you know how Jessica dared Jane to kiss him? Well, she did."

"What?" She repeated.

"And he was just... talking gibberish. He said he wrote me something. Then he said he read my diary. And I think Dana is mad that I never told her that he slept over one night."

"What?" She said louder. "Sorry. I... I just need to let this sink in. He slept over?"

"He needed a place to go," I explained, "And I didn't think it was fair of me to tell people that. Don't tell anyone that, okay?"

"Of course," Allison said, nodding, "And he read your diary? What the hell?"

"He just said he saw his name," I recalled, "And that's it. And he said sorry and then he said he wrote me a letter and then Jane just came up out of nowhere. And Dana kind of freaked about when he mentioned seeing it under my bed." I swallowed hard as a tear spilled out of my eye. "This is such a mess." Allison put her hand on my knee.

"We'll figure it out," she consoled, "Dana will get over it. And Bryce is clearly drunk. And Jane... well, who knows if she'll even remember kissing him?"

"Yeah," I said, "I really want to go home." Allison looked at her watch.

"It's a quarter past 10. When's your dad coming?"

"10:30," I answered.

"Okay," she said calmly, "Just splash cold water on your face. No one will able to tell you cried." I went to the sink and did as she told me, then looked at my reflection to see that the puffiness had gone down but not the redness. Allison gave me a hug and I had to stop myself from crying some more.

"Do you-" Allison was interrupted by pounding on the door.

"Make way!" We heard a voice say. "This dude is about to barf!" Allison and I made puzzled expressions at each other and opened the door to run out of the bathroom. I watched as some guys I didn't know held their friend on their shoulders and led him to the toilet. Allison rolled her eyes and I laughed. We went to the front of the house and sat on the porch. I had my knees to my chest, hugging myself. I couldn't stop running the image of Bryce and Jane kissing in my head. I bolted out of that basement faster than the speed of light after seeing that.

"I'm going to say goodbye to Dana," I announced, "I don't want to leave on bad terms."

"Are you sure?" Allison asked.

"Yeah," I replied, knowing I needed at least some order in the chaos of the night. "I'll be back." I went back into the loud house and paced down to the basement to see Dana standing alone in front of the records. I went to her, keeping my head low.

"Hey," I said. Dana looked over at me, expressionless.

"Hi," she replied, "How come you never told me anything about Bryce? How come you never tell me anything at all?" She was definitely upset and ready to talk about why. "I tell you everything." She looked down at her cup. "And hearing anything about your life is so rare. You never tell me anything."

"I'm sorry, Dana," I said, "It's not because of you. I just like to think about things before I talk about them, if that makes sense?" Dana shrugged, sucking her teeth.

"Okay. I'm sorry, too," she answered. I quickly gave her a hug.

"I have to go soon. Where are the rest of the girls?" I looked around the basement, unable to see another face I knew.

"I don't know," Dana said, "I can't believe what Jane... Are you okay? That was crazy." My eyes met Dana's again and I stifled a frown.

"I will be," I answered, "I guess I'll see them later." Dana nodded and hugged me again. I made my way through the crowd and at the last minute, something caught my eye. Bryce was still where I saw him last, but this time, he was on the floor with his head down. Concerned, I went to the other side of the basement and tapped his shoulder. He looked up silently, his eyelids low.

I took the cup out of his hand and grabbed him by the elbow. Bryce staggered to stand up and I led him up the stairs, steadying him with my hands. We got the front room and I sat him on the couch. I sat beside him, trying to make sure he was okay.

"Don't drink anymore," I said, "Do you have a ride home?" Bryce shook his head slowly. I knew him getting in the car with Dad was a bad idea, and I wasn't about to let him ruin his reputation with my family.

"I can walk," he slurred. I looked at him with sympathy.

"I'm going to see if one of my friends can drive you," I said, "You can't walk in this condition." Bryce nodded again and rested his head against the couch. I hated seeing him like that. I stood and felt Bryce's hand hold mine. I turned around to look at him. His eyes were closed but his arm was extended as he held my hand.

"Don't go," he mumbled, "Please?" I sighed, sitting back down and looking at him. I realized that no matter what, I would always care about Bryce. But my heart ached over the fact that he was just kissed by another girl. And I knew it wasn't his fault, but I was still bitter. I looked down at my hand, my stomach numb over the fact that he was holding it so tightly.

"My dad is going to get here," I told him, "I have to go." Bryce nodded, his eyes still closed as he took his hand back and crossed his fingers at his lap.

"I'll see you later, Juli," he said. I got up and met Allison on the porch. I told her about how Bryce was nearly asleep on the couch and asked if she could get a ride for him. Her mom was going to be picking her up at 11, and she said that she would get him home. I thanked and hugged her, and a few moments later, I saw Dad's car pull up on the driveway.

I went into the car, hugging Dad and cheerfully greeting him to hide the fact that I'd been crying.

"Have fun?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered, watching the house get smaller as Dad drove away.

"Sal dropped by the house to give you your pay, by the way," Dad told me, "And you know your mom... She invited him and his son over for dinner tomorrow." I internally sighed, saying goodbye to my plans for staying in my room all day Sunday.

"Good." I nodded. Except nothing was good.


	15. Chapter 15

**BRYCE**

I lay in bed, trying to be proud of myself for at least surviving my first hangover. But all I could feel was weakness. The look on Juli's face when I told her I remembered nothing from last night kept appearing in my mind. I admitted to myself that I was incredibly nervous about the conversation I'd be having with her at school. No matter how brave I kept trying to make myself, it seemed that I was and always would be a coward.

I almost didn't want to fall asleep because that meant tomorrow was going to happen, but I figured I'd rather be unconscious than have to think about the past 24 hours any longer.

When I made it to Rockwood, I couldn't believe I was actually dreading seeing Juli. The last time I felt that was in middle school when she was so sweet on me that it was like a special brand of Bryce-repellent. The feeling of wanting to avoid her, although familiar, was the very definition of unwelcome.

I greeted Paul once I got to Woodshop with our usual silent nod, but he returned it with an expression that said he was eager to have a conversation.

"Hey," I suspiciously said, sitting on the bench beside him.

"How are you still standing?" Paul asked, rubbing his hands together. I guessed we were past the peaceful and quiet beginning stage of our friendship. I already missed it.

"What do you mean?"

"You drank like a fish," Paul said in a hushed tone. I nervously chuckled, putting my knapsack under the table.

"I learned my lesson, trust me," I mumbled, "How'd _you_ feel in the morning?"

"Like a truck hit me," Paul answered, "Then reversed and hit me again." We shared a chuckle. "Who was that girl?" he asked. I felt my stomach drop and I glanced at the front of the room, wishing Mr. Flaherty would start the lesson and interrupt us.

"What?" _Pretending I didn't hear. That saves me roughly one second. You're a whiz kid, Bryce._

"Who was that girl?" Paul repeated.

"What do you mean?" I asked, a fake smile on my face.

"Come on," Paul chuckled, "The girl? The one who laid a wet one on you?" I felt my forehead crinkle as I tried to come up with something. But Paul was a quick one.

"You don't remember," he realized, "You were more gone than I thought, man. Don't sweat it. I'm a lightweight, too." He wasn't laughing, like I feared. He looked genuinely concerned. I don't know why I assumed he'd be a bully about it. I guess Garrett got me used to it.

"Fill me in?" I asked.

"Well," Paul stammered, "One second we were talking and the next, this girl comes out of no where. She seemed more wasted than us. If that's any consolation. Now that I say it, I don't know why it would be."

"Oh, God." I nervously smoothed my hair back. "What'd she look like?"

"Long dark hair," Paul said with a shrug, "I never met her before." I sighed. It had to be Juli. I knew she was there that night and I knew I talked to her at some point. She must have kissed me. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't piece it together.

"Do you know how I got home?" I whispered. Paul looked stumped. He shook his head.

"Do you remember talking to the other girl?" Paul probed. Mr. Flaherty started lecturing.

"Other girl?" I whispered. The teacher didn't seem to notice us talking.

"Yeah," Paul said, nodding, "There was another girl you were talking to right before all this. I had no idea you were so smooth." I recognized that Paul was trying to bring some lightheartedness into the situation, but I couldn't help but feel like every cell in body was consumed by anxiety.

"Could you point her out if you saw her?" I asked.

"Yeah," Paul assured, "Don't worry." I gave him a small smile and turned my attention to the front, wishing I never went to that stupid party in the first place.

As Paul and I sat at our cafeteria table, I felt like my stomach was telling me that if I even dared to open my lunch bag, I would vomit. I made little rips in the brown paper as Paul looked around the crowded room. My eyes went to the table I knew Juli and her friends always sat at, but it was vacant.

"I'll tell you when I see her," Paul told me, his book bag still on his back, "I wish I knew her so I could've told you right away, man. I'm sorry."

"No big deal," I said with a shrug, even though it was an enormous deal. Paul sighed and started rifling through his lunch, eyes still scanning the crowd. I pretended not to care so much when he kicked my leg and pointed towards the door.

"Her," Paul said. I watched as Juli and her friends slowly sauntered in. They were all deep in conversation and laughter, while she silently chewed on her lip and looked around. "The one in the white is the one you were talking to," Paul said, and I quickly recognized Juli's white blouse, "And the one in blue is the smoocher." I felt like I would've normally chuckled at his nickname for her, but I couldn't. I looked at the girl Juli was walking with- long dark hair, fairly short, somewhat familiar. I thought I saw her in one of my classes before. But I'd never spoken a word to her in my life.

I swallowed hard, looking down at the ketchup-stained tabletop. I didn't know why I thought I'd feel totally okay once I found out who it was that kissed me. It wasn't Juli. Was that supposed to be a good thing? Because I felt gutted. If I had to have a forgotten kiss with any girl, I wanted it to be her. But Juli only witnessed the kiss. And if she felt a fraction of what I felt for her, I couldn't imagine what watching it did to her.

"So?" Paul asked, "Know her?"

"I don't know even know her name," I mumbled, "But I know the one in the white."

"This is goopy," Paul said with a sigh, "I don't understand girls."

I silently nodded as I looked back up to watch Juli and her friends sit down. I didn't know when Juli and I were supposed to have our talk, but I sure as hell didn't want to have it in front of this friend of hers. I felt a hand clap on my back and it startled me.

"Hey!" It was Dennis. He sat beside me, his other hand dug into a potato chip bag. "Sorry for frightening you," he said, chuckling.

"It's cool." I faked a smile.

"Saturday was fun, huh?" Dennis looked at Paul and I.

"Yeah," Paul agreed, "Your place wasn't totally trashed, was it?"

"When isn't it?" Dennis said with a laugh. He stood up, keeping up his reputation for being a busy guy with lots of people to see. "Later." I gave him another tight grin and looked back over at Juli's table to see she was gone. I glanced around and saw her walking towards the cafeteria food line. Now was my chance.

"I'll be back," I told Paul, swinging my legs out from under the cafeteria bench. I didn't really fully understand what I was doing until I was behind Juli in line and tapping her shoulder. She turned around, her green eyes wide, and I needed a second to realize how I got to be standing there. I blamed her impulsivity for rubbing off on me.

"H-hey," I stammered. _Can't even get the first word out. What a Romeo._

"Hi," she said softly. She waited for me to speak. We shuffled forward in line.

"Um, I," I began, "My friend let me know about last night. Er- Saturday, I mean."

"Oh." Juli gave me a knowing look.

"Yeah." We shuffled forward again. "He said you and I talked?"

"We did," Juli said, folding and unfolding the dollar bill in her hand, "But you were..."

"Not that present, yeah," I finished for her, "I hope... Well, I hope I didn't embarrass myself."

"Did you feel okay afterwards?" No answer meant I _did_ embarrass myself.

"I was fine." I wondered if she could detect the lie. "Not sure how I got home."

"I made sure my friend got you a ride," she answered quickly, "You don't even remember that?"

"Thank you," I said, the familiar sensation of shame filling my stomach, "I don't. I remember talking to you, but I don't remember what about. And I remember, uh..." Juli looked up at me, her expression anticipative. A few seconds passed.

"That night, you said you wrote me something. A letter," Juli said. _Oh, God._

"I did?" I stuttered. We shuffled forward and the yellow-haired cafeteria lady looked at Juli expectantly.

"Can I please have a slice of the banana bread?" she asked. The lady nodded and shifted over to look at me.

"Nothing for me," I told her. She silently went to the person behind me. Juli and I stayed quiet as she paid and got her food. We left the line and stood across from each other by the wall of vending machines. Juli picked at the plastic wrap on her slice. For some reason, I thought back to last night and how I saw that Evan kid visiting the Bakers. I just wanted to know what the deal with that was. _One thing at a time, Bryce._

"And you said that you read my diary." Her expression was serious. Professional. Meanwhile, I felt my stomach drop to my feet. I told her I read her diary? Drunk Bryce was not to be trusted. "You apologized."

"Well... again, I'm sorry," I began, stuffing my hands in my pockets, "Juli, I... okay, my friend Paul just told me what happened. Apparently one of your friends kissed me?" Juli's gaze went from my face to a spot past me, behind my shoulder. She stared ahead and quickly nodded to confirm my statement. So, it was true. Juli watched it happen. "I don't even know who she is." I felt almost weird about explaining myself to Juli, like we were together or something. She seemed to be feeling the same way as her usual confidence was replaced by nervousness.

"Too much alcohol, I think." Juli looked like she was done digging into it. "I'll talk to you after school," she said, affirming my suspicion. Juli looked up at me for a second to give a small smile before she turned and went towards her side of the cafeteria. I went back to my table to find Dan sitting with Paul. I only added comments to the conversation when necessary, feeling even worse after that conversation with Juli than I was feeling before. She was off. And I couldn't blame her- so was I.

**JULIANA**

The dial tone rang in my ear as I stood in the kitchen, wiping up the remnants of dish soap on my hands after cleaning up the table. I heard Mom and Dad chatting as they sat in by the tv, and my brothers were in their rooms catching up on homework.

"Hello?" Dana answered.

"Hey, it's Juli," I said.

"Juli who?" she teased. The two of us laughed and I leaned against the fridge. "What's going on?"

"Not much." I shrugged as if she could see me. "Actually, so much."

"Lay it on me," Dana said excitedly.

"Well, my mom invited Evan and his dad over for dinner. They just left."

"How was it?"

"Fine. Normal." I picked at my fingernails. "Evan's dad was asking my brothers all these questions about college for Evan. Evan seemed pretty over it."

"Ugh," Dana laughed, "Future is the f-word."

"Yeah," I agreed with a chuckle.

"Isn't Evan only a junior?"

"Never too early," I said, quoting my father.

"Did he look cute?"

"Dana," I said.

"It's a simple question."

"Objectively speaking... yes." Dana giggled from the other end.

"But you like Bryce," Dana said, filling in the blanks. I sighed to myself and bit my lip, replaying the image of Jane kissing him in my head. His wide open eyes. Her tight grip on his jacket.

"He came by earlier," I explained, "He was dropping off some pie and we talked for a second... He doesn't remember anything about last night."

"No kidding," Dana mumbled.

"He looked seriously spaced out," I said, "And we just said we'll talk tomorrow."

"Talk tomorrow," she echoed. "He probably feels like an idiot."

"He should," I said, immediately regretting it. I didn't want Bryce to feel bad. "Well- I mean... He drank too much. He should've slowed down."

"Totally," Dana replied, "He probably felt nasty this morning; he deserves it." I saw Mark swing by the corner and roughly pull open the refrigerator door, bending down.

"You just ate," I laughed, putting the phone to my chest. Mark stood and turned to look at me with a grin.

"Do I judge you and your lasagna-stained face?"

"What?" I said, eyes big as I wiped at my mouth with one hand.

"Kidding," Mark laughed, shifting to take a pudding cup out of the fridge. I shoved him and he laughed again.

"I'm gonna go," I told Dana on the phone, not wanting to continue the conversation in front of my brother, "I'll see you at school."

"See ya!"

I hung up the phone and ran a tea towel over the kitchen counter to make sure it was as shipshape as Mom expected. I could see Mark lean against the wall from the corner of my eye.

"You're not sweet on that Evan guy, are you?" Mark asked. I felt my cheeks turn red.

"What?" I chuckled.

"I think he likes you," Mark said.

"That's what you say about any boy that so much as sneezes in my direction," I scoffed. I grabbed a spoon from the drawer and dipped it into his pudding cup to take a glob of it for myself.

"Does he have a good reputation?"

"I appreciate the whole protective big brother thing," I answered with a mouthful of chocolate pudding, "But you do not have anything to worry about."

"Do you like him, though?"

"Who do _you_ like?" I fired back. Mark's forehead crinkled. "Uncomfortable, right?"

"Good point," he laughed, "But... you know... If you ever need any advice or-"

"Any of that cheesy stuff?" I nodded, "Got it." Mark laughed and pulled his pudding closer to his chest when I tried to take another spoonful.

"Get your own, shrimp."

The next day at school, my morning classes went by slowly as I thought about finally talking with Bryce. Did I really have to be the one to tell him that he had his first kiss and that it was wiped from his memory? I was getting ahead of myself. I had some questions I needed answered. He said he wrote me something. A whole letter, I recalled. I had to know what that was about.

When I walked towards the cafeteria with Allison, I got the scoop on how Bryce arrived home. She filled me in that he sat silently in the backseat as Allison and her father had a casual talk. He said thank you and went around to the back of his house when he got dropped off.

"My dad thought he was just shy," Allison added, "I figured he would've talked at least a little bit if he wasn't so wasted." I nodded silently. Dana, Jessica, and Jane joined our group as we made our way into the cafeteria and sat down, laughing about something I was too dazed to focus on. I couldn't help but feel anxious, and figured a walk to the cafeteria kitchen would at least help me get rid of some of my extra energy.

After running into Bryce in line and having an awkward, jumpy conversation with him that we would be continuing after school, I made my way back to our table with my banana bread and a wandering mind. Bryce seemed really nervous. And worried. Why was he so worried?

I looked up and made eye contact with Jane, and she quickly looked away. I assumed someone told her that the boy she had such a big crush on and decided to kiss was the boy that our friends had been teasing me about ever since we became a group. I figured we'd talk about it sometime soon. But for now, my mind was buzzing and spinning so much that I could only handle serious conversations with one person at a time. That would have to remain a gray area for the day.

The second half of the day went by just as slow as the first, and I found myself sitting in English and alternating between staring at my work, staring at the back of Bryce's head, staring at Mr. Coupland, and staring at the clock. Finally, the bell rang and I slowly sat up to collect my things. I was sure Bryce was thinking the same thing- we had to talk.

I wasn't getting comforted by any of my usual certainty. I had no idea what I wanted to say to him. And I had no idea what he wanted to say to me.


	16. Chapter 16

**BRYCE**

Juli tucked a strand of long, brown hair behind her ear as we walked out of Coupland's class together. I nervously cleared my throat, knowing she expected a full explanation of whatever I blabbered about at Dennis' party, and I wasn't sure I was ready to give it to her. I couldn't believe I told her about the letter. I just had to say I didn't know what I meant when I said that. I had to. There was no way I was ever telling Juli I truly did write something that said I loved her.

She and I poured out into the crowded halls and I clutched the straps of my book-bag, waiting for her to say something. The two of us stopped at her locker. I forced myself to speak.

"Sorry again for acting like a total idiot that night," I muttered, avoiding eye contact, "I don't know what I was talking about."

"I know," Juli said quietly. I felt an urge to fill the silence.

"I've definitely learned my lesson." I let out a chuckle. "Trust me." I almost winced at the last words that came out of my mouth. How could she possibly trust me? I felt a small nervous shiver go down my back as I thought back to the egg incident. "And... I don't know what letter I was even talking about. Anyways, I- I hope we're okay." At least the last sentence was true. Juli looked up at me and blinked. At that moment, I wished we could just go back to the beginning of last summer where everything was okay and all of our conversations weren't so awkward. The cracks that formed between us felt irreparable.

Juli and I stood silently while groups of high-schoolers around us spoke and laughed. Juli flattened her bottom lip against her top lip, and turned her head to quickly open her lock.

"How'd you do it that fast?" I asked in awe, "We've had lockers for two years and I still need a good five minutes." Juli chuckled, giving a shake of her head. Maybe she really didn't need a long explanation. I felt relief. Before I could excuse myself to make it to football practice on time, no matter how much I wanted to stay, a bright blue sheet started to slide out of Juli's locker. She grabbed it, and it wrinkled under her grip. Juli inspected the paper, and I turned my head to read it and realized that it was a promotion from the school.

"Spirit week," Juli read. My eyes traveled down the days of the week, reaching Friday where the junior football game was being advertised.

"Man, I totally blanked... Ludley's supposed to be telling us our positions today." With everything else on my mind, football was the last thing on it. I sighed, looking up to see the corridor of students getting the same surprise at their lockers. I saw a guy scoff and crumple up the sheet.

"Impressive."

"Would you be impressed if I turn out to be the water boy?" Juli's green eyes brightened with her smile.

"Does the water boy get a jersey?"

"I don't think so."

"Then no." I laughed and felt myself ease up.

"Are you gonna go?" I asked impulsively. There was a flicker of hesitation in Juli's expression, and she only shrugged. There was no way she was getting over Saturday any time soon. I couldn't blame her.

We were quiet again and I realized that there would be no in-depth conversation after all. What could we do but move on at this point? Maybe we could wipe Saturday out of our memories, much like the booze already did for me. Or maybe Juli just didn't care enough to bother.

_A bonfire will be taking place for all students after the game,_ I read off the sheet silently. The thought of snuggling up to a fire after running around for two hours didn't seem so appealing. That was, if I even got a spot on first string and wasn't ordered to warm the bench all season. I studied the sheet some more, seeing that the flyer urged students to wear Rockwood's school colors all week. I knew I'd have to be one of those students. Ludley already gave a discouraging speech about how part of the duty of being on a school team meant having to promote the games and show school spirit. I sighed again.

"Are you guys ready?" Juli asked, neatly folding the sheet into four. Her demeanor was cold.

"I think so," I said with a shrug, "We've been practicing everyday. Coach said this week is going to be hell for us, though."

"Sounds like you guys need to get lots of rest," Juli said unfeelingly. I cleared my throat and nodded, stuffing my hands in my pockets. Anxiety rushed through my body with the thought that she would never act the same with me again.

"I better get to practice," I announced, "I'll see you."

"Bye," Juli said with a forced smile. I turned on my heels and walked down the hall, telling myself to be okay with the fact that I screwed up on Saturday and nothing was going to fix it. Except telling myself something and actually doing it were two completely different things.

On the football field, I stood beside Roger, the only other freshman on the team, as I cursed the hot sun for having no mercy on us. I wiggled under my heavy shoulder pads. The team was grouped around Coach Ludley as he stared down at his clipboard. He wiggled his orange mustache, which was something I noticed he did whenever he was about to speak.

"From the first week alone, I can tell you're all great players," Ludley said, "But I gotta do the hardest part now. The following names are first string and will be playing on Friday. Everyone else, you're second string and that does _not _make you any less valuable. You're still a vital part of this team." I heard a scoff behind me. "John S., you're quarterback." The sophomore let out a gratified chuckle. "Walter, you're fullback. Bryce, halfback."

My mind drowned out Ludley's voice once I heard the syllable of my name. Wait, these names were _first_ string? I was going to be playing? Was I really that good? I could've sworn there were faster runners on the team. But Ludley did say that it wasn't just that- he said I had agility and good blocking and stamina. I thought he was just saying those things to soften the blow for when I figured out I'd never get on the field. Now I was actually playing in the first game? My stomach turned. I continued to listen, pretending that I totally expected to get on first string.

Ludley finished his list, and I looked to Roger to see if his name got called when I was lost in thought. The small frown on his face proved to me that it didn't. I awkwardly cleared my throat as I watched Ludley tuck the clipboard under his arm.

"No matter what position you are, I expect you all to put in 110%," Coach explained, "Remember that we're only as strong as our weakest link. Now, we have a lot of plays to practice and a lot of drills to run for us to be ready for Friday. I hope you boys ate your oats this morning."

I was drenched in sweat when I walked into the locker room, my arms sore and my legs covered in mud. I tossed my helmet in my hands and sat at the bench, taking a breath and letting my muscles relax.

"I knew you were gonna get first string," Walter said as he sauntered in, pointing at me, "You know, for a freshman, that's huge."

"No pressure, right?" I joked, earning a chuckle from him. I smiled to myself, feeling proud that I at least did something right. I changed back into my clothes and stuffed my equipment into my locker, thinking of Juli as I closed the lock.

After changing, Roger and I made our way across the field, both grateful the sun had found a cloud to hide behind.

"Congrats on getting halfback, man," Roger said kindly, "You're some kind of prodigy."

"Thanks," I stammered, "So, do you have a bunch of homework that you don't want to do, too?" After successfully changing the subject, Roger and I went our separate ways and I dragged my feet home. I heard muffled voices coming through the front door before I opened it. I stepped inside, my father's loud, angry voice echoing from upstairs. I swallowed hard as I slowly took my sneakers off, hearing Mom's voice right after, even louder than Dad's.

My gaze went into the front room, where Granddad was sitting. He was already looking at me. I bit my bottom lip, neatly putting my shoes away, and leaned against the wall, not knowing where else to go. I dropped my book-bag and crossed my arms as I tried to make out what they were saying.

"...matter to begin with, Steven!" Mom shouted.

"Then what do you think I'm doing?" Dad yelled back, "You think this is pleasant for me?"

"And it is for me?" Mom's voice was shrill. I heard loud footsteps, and with the fear that the worst had happened, I grabbed the banister to launch myself up the stairs. I stopped when I saw Dad standing in the hallway. I looked behind him to see Mom, her hands on her hips.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She quickly nodded, and Dad elbowed past me to go down the stairs. I heard him grab the car keys and slam the front door.

"He didn't...?" I stepped towards Mom, searching her face for the evidence but turning up with none.

"He wouldn't," Mom said, "But if he ever did, I don't want you to step in. That's not your job."

"The hell it isn't," I stated.

"Bryce!"

"Sorry," I replied. Mom let out a deep sigh and pushed my hair back.

"Are you hungry?"

I nodded. She gave me a soft smile and beckoned me to follow her. After a few minutes, I was sitting with Granddad at the table, a plate of macaroni and cheese in front of me. I ate ravenously as Mom wiped the glass of our vitrine. Granddad softly shook as he brought his spoon of oatmeal to his mouth.

"How was school today?" Mom asked.

"Good," I answered, "I made first string on football. Our first game is on Friday."

"Bryce!" she exclaimed. I darted up, wondering what I'd gotten in trouble for this time. "That's amazing." She had a bright smile on her face and I felt myself blush.

"What position, son?" Granddad asked.

"Halfback," I answered, my fingers squishing the cold sandwich in my hand.

"That's fantastic," he said.

"And anyone can come watch?" Mom asked.

"I guess so," I replied, the thought of my family in the stands making me shudder with nervousness.

"Looks like we have plans for Friday night, huh, Dad?" Mom said, smirking as she rounded the table and went into the kitchen.

"Plans?" I looked up to see Lynetta stroll in, carrying a stack of dirty dishes from her bedroom. Mom gasped when her daughter nearly dropped them on the floor.

"Bryce has a game on Friday," Granddad filled her in.

"Homecoming?" Lynetta said, letting out an amused chuckle, "I'm actually going with the guys. Don't embarrass me out there." I rolled my eyes and Lynetta gave my shoulder a squeeze. The feeling of nervousness subsided once I noticed Granddad's optimistic expression. It was then that I realized that we didn't need Dad to have a full family.

I cleaned up my dishes and slowly strolled into the front room, muscles aching as I sat at the couch to watch television. I was about two episodes in a Gunsmoke marathon with Granddad when something out the window caught my eye. I squinted to look across the street to see Juli getting out of a car. She made her way inside and the driver pulled out of the driveway. I immediately recognized that it was Evan.

**JULIANA**

"Hey." I looked up from the unfolded flyer to see Dana. She straightened her headband, pointing to the sheet in my hand.

"The bonfire seems like it might be a kick, huh?" she asked.

"I don't know," I answered uneasily. Dana's expression flattened and she looked at me with concern.

"Are you okay?" she asked, already knowing the answer. I sighed, folding the sheet again and sliding it into my bag. I shut my locker and began to walk down the hallway with Dana.

The conversation I'd just had with Bryce kept playing in my head. _I hope we're okay._ Maybe we would be eventually. But all I knew now was that Jane kissed him, that he denied that any letter ever existed, and that I was too hurt to talk about either with him.

"No," I told my friend bitterly, "I wish Saturday never happened."

"I know," Dana said softly, patting my back, "This weekend will be so much better. We can go to that bonfire. They might have marshmallows?"

"I don't think they will," I said with a chuckle.

"Let's bet on it," Dana proposed, "Now we _have_ to go." I moaned. "It'll be fun, I promise! You, me, and the girls making the scene." The girls included Jane, who I could barely sit with at lunch today. Dana noticed my doubtful expression, and picked up on what was going through my mind.

"Jessica told her that it was Bryce," Dana explained, "Your Bryce. I guess she's too chicken to bring it up with you. She feels awful. And awkward. Very awkward."

"Then she should just talk to me about it," I added impatiently.

"Not everyone's as pushy- or, uh, as forthright... as you are." Dana gave me a big smile as I shot daggers at her. "Did you and Bryce talk it out?"

"He had to get his friend to tell him who kissed him," I explained, "I think he thought it was me at first."

"As if he'd forget the love of his life kissing him," Dana chortled. I brought my palm to my face. "So, you'll come?"

"I'll let you know," I answered.

"It'll clear your mind to have some fun," Dana continued, "You know what they say- a ruffled mind makes a restless pillow."

"Who says that?"

"Originally? Uh... I don't know," Dana mumbled with a shrug, "But they said it." As the two of us made our way out of the school, we ran into Allison, and she joined us in the middle of Dana's speech about the lack of guidance for hallway traffic.

I wanted to take the bus for a change, feeling like walking in that sun would lead to an inevitable heat stroke, but Dana, Allison, and I watched the big yellow vehicle drive away the second we rounded the corner. We all groaned in unison, and had to head separate ways to walk home. I passed the football field and gazed at the bodies of poor kids who were surely sweltering under the sun. Every player had their gear on, including helmets, so I couldn't make out where Bryce was. I wondered what position he got.

I reached the curb and looked both ways, but before I could rush across the street, a familiar car slowed down in front of me. I realized it was Evan, his rock music blasting, and I had never been so happy to see him before. He waved at me.

"Need a ride?" he asked. I quickly rounded the car to get into the passenger side.

"Thank you." I settled in and leaned my head out the window to feel the wind as Evan sped up.

"I'm not one to idly stand by while people melt," Evan answered, "Especially when those people fed me the night before." I laughed. We quickly made it to Bonnie Meadow Lane, and Evan turned down the volume once we stopped by my house.

"This was the first time in my life where I felt like I honestly had to get rescued," I joked, "So, thank you for the ride."

"I'm glad I found you before you were in puddle form," Evan replied. I chuckled and opened the door. "Hey, do you want to get ice cream or something?" he asked. I felt a smile form on my face.

"Let me ask," I replied. I grabbed my book-bag and went into the house, quickly finding Mom to get permission. She allowed it with an intrigued expression, and before she could say anything, I put my finger in the air.

"Mom. It's not a date."

"Sure it's not," she added, "Be back by 5." I put a fistful of change into my pocket and was out the door, ready for the nice, cool rocky road ice cream that would soon meet my stomach. I sat in Evan's car and he gave me a charming grin.

"Carby's sound good?"

"I'd cancel if you suggested anywhere else," I replied. Evan shook his head playfully and backed out of the driveway as a Buddy Holly song spilled out of the radio.

"Don't tell your brothers I listen to Buddy Holly," Evan said, his floppy hair shaking in the wind.

"They burned you enough last night when you brought up Little Richard," I answered with a chuckle, "I'll spare you."

"No, but really, they're cool guys," Evan explained, "My dad and I had a great time."

"Good," I chirped.

"Your family is a lot of fun. I really respect them."

"Thank you," I said, feeling a rush of admiration for him. I glanced over at his profile, noticing the small bit of scruff that was on his jaw. As if he knew, he scratched at the fuzz as he continued to talk.

"So, is ninth grade everything you could have dreamed of?" I noticed he had a habit of asking questions when he felt like he was talking too much. But I liked to hear him talk. I gave him an unamused expression but couldn't help but laugh when he returned it.

We made it to Carby's, and surprisingly, it wasn't as busy as I'd expected. We went into the cool parlor and ordered one rocky road and one cookie dough. Evan paid before I even realized the associate told us the total and I shook away the idea that he thought this was a date. He was just generous.

The two of us sat at a small table, our ice cream in two glass bowls in front of us. I dug my spoon into the coffee-colored dessert, letting out a contented sigh when I tasted it.

"Thanks for paying for this, by the way," I said with a full mouth.

"What was that? In English, please?" Evan leaned closer. The two of us laughed and I swallowed my ice cream.

"Thanks for paying," I said clearly.

"Jeez, I heard you the first time," Evan said with a comical eye roll. I laughed again and looked down at my treat.

"So, my dad told me something today."

"What?"

"He's closing the store."

"Really?" I said, feeling my forehead crinkle.

"There's just not enough business," Evan explained with a casual shrug, "But he's well past retirement age and he only really kept it open to stay occupied. He wanted to say so last night but he didn't want to dampen the mood."

"Well, it _is_ sad," I said.

"You're only devastated that you won't get any more paychecks," Evan teased. I chortled.

"He just misses my mom," he continued with a hint of defeat in his voice, "He likes to keep busy." It was the first time he'd mentioned his mother and I felt myself stiffen. "It's okay, Baker." I let out an awkward chuckle, digging my spoon into the ice cream and still not used to his confidence. A slow exhale escaped Evan's mouth and I looked up at him as he got ready to tell me the story he'd already had to tell too many times. I listened as he explained that his mother had passed away from a heart condition when he was two years old. As if it wasn't tragic enough, his parents had been trying to have a child since they got married nearly eight years before Evan's birth.

I did what everyone would do. I said I was sorry and that I couldn't imagine what that was like for his father. I wish I could've done or said more. I considered mentioning Uncle Daniel, how he had heart problems too, but what would that do? Evan thanked me after I offered him the kind and conventional words, and I realized it was the first time he and I had been so serious.

"Well,_ I've _officially got brain freeze," Evan muttered. I looked at the pink clock over the door to see I had 15 minutes to 5.

"And I've officially got to get home," I answered. Evan tossed his napkin on the table and pushed his chair back. The two of us left the parlor and made our way to his car. I settled in the seat, feeling a little bit of weight lifted off of me. I had fun with Evan, but I knew that I wasn't lying to my brother or mom when I said that I didn't like him that way. It was just a nice time with a good friend.

Evan drove us out of the lot and back towards my neighborhood, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. I shook my leg with the beat and stared out the window at the green blur of trees and bushes. When we stopped in our driveway, I patted my stomach for effect.

"That was good," I announced, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Evan replied. I smiled and turned to open the door before he stopped me. "Juli."

"Yeah?" I asked, rotating to look back at him.

"I'm sure this has been obvious but..." Evan touched the dial of his radio but didn't turn it. He seemed nervous. "Do you want to go out sometime as, uh... more than friends?" I felt my stomach drop.

"I..." I couldn't think of the words to say. I was quiet and I watched Evan's eyelids drop as he cringed in embarrassment.

"Sorry," he said, "Am I too direct? I've been told I am."

"No," I replied, "I just... um..."

"Don't see me that way?" he finished. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Sorry," I said.

"It's okay," Evan said with an awkward chuckle, "Glad I asked."

"I... I'll see you." I looked at him one last time and gave a tight smile before I got out of the car. I quickly walked to our front door as I heard his car reverse behind me.

I stepped into the house, guilt hitting my stomach hard. I couldn't help but feel frustrated at Evan. We had a good friendship, and he had to make it awkward. But I did have a crush on him when I met him. Maybe that was just because I was under the impression that he'd never return my feelings, and it made me feel safe to have feelings for someone that wasn't Bryce, but not ever have to act on them. I felt like a selfish brat.

I made my way to my bedroom and shut the door behind me, then plopped down on my bed. I simply didn't see Evan that way. Not seriously.

But what made me most uncomfortable was the possible reason for that; my feelings for Bryce. I looked up at the painting of the sycamore that dad made me. Being up there truly gave me a feeling that nothing else did. And being with Bryce gave me an incomparable feeling, too. One I couldn't imagine having with another guy.

I didn't want to admit that my crush on Bryce Loski had turned into love. But what other word could explain it?


	17. Chapter 17

**BRYCE**

I sat in first period, zoning in and out of the lesson as I sketched zigzags on the cover of my notebook. My brain couldn't help but run through all the scenarios of what could go wrong by Friday's game. It was already Tuesday and I barely felt like I could tell the difference between a football and a baseball.

Maybe I could say I sprained something before the game. Fake an injury at practice, pretend to be mournful as I watch the game from the bench, safe from embarrassment.

I knew I couldn't actually do that. I had a team counting on me. As corny as it was, Coach's comments on us banding together for one cause kind of struck a chord with me. I never really felt that sense of belonging or importance before, and now I kind of did. God, I sounded like I was meandering my way into becoming a thick-skulled jock.

When I made it to Woodshop, Paul was already at our bench, holding his half-finished box with a raised eyebrow. I pieced together that today was a work period. Finally. We'd been talked at about power drill safety for the past three classes.

I tossed my bookbag under the bench by my stool, nodding Paul a greeting before I went to grab my box from the rack at the back of the room.

When I first heard our first project would be making a measly wood container, I couldn't believe how easy this class would be. Now, looking at the crooked excuse for a box that I built, I realized Woodshop wouldn't be an easy A.

I got to work, carefully crafting and surprising myself with how concerned I was about making it right, when Paul piped up.

"So, guess what my dad did last night." I thought back to how _my_ dad bailed again. Not that that was necessarily bad.

"What?" I asked.

"He decided we'd go on a family trip to the drive-in. We show up late for the movie and spend the entire time next to a car with a couple that wasn't exactly... watching the movie."

"Oh, God," I said with a laugh, "Please... Don't tell me..."

"It was obvious," Paul said, shaking his head, "We all ignored it but... Bryce, it was traumatic. I was beside my _mom_."

"Stop," I dropped my hammer and put my palm to my forehead, "Dude, I wasn't even there and I'm cringing."

"Imagine how_ I_ felt," Paul muttered, "Anyways, while I experienced the worst experience of my life, what'd you get up to?" My brain ran through how I got home to Mom and Dad fighting. I made myself fast-forward to dinner and thought about what we discussed.

"Oh, I made first string," I told him, "Halfback."

"Nice job," Paul said with a nod of approval. He wiggled a small board that acted as the edge of his box.

"Thanks," I hesitated, "How many people do you think will go to the game?"

"It's homecoming," Paul calculated with a shrug, "A lot." I let out a grumble and he chuckled. "I mean, it's just a junior game. Probably not that much. Just treat it like a practice."

"Thanks."

"What ever happened with that girl from the party?" Paul asked. I sucked my teeth, narrowly avoiding a splinter as I turned my box over.

"I realized she's in my Careers class," I told him, "So, that's awkward."

"No kidding," Paul said with raised eyebrows. "Let's hope you don't get put into a group with her or something."

"Well, I didn't consider that happening," I mumbled, accepting that I'd fear that for the rest of the semester.

"Sorry," Paul answered, "I'm a nervous person. I think of every worst case scenario."

"Can't blame you. I'm the same," I said honestly with a laugh. Before we could get on the topic of Juli, which was something I didn't want to think about after I saw her getting picked up by Evan last night, I turned the attention onto Paul. "How about you?"

"What?"

"Girls."

"Girls?" Paul said with widened eyes, "You know Allison?" I thought back to middle school, and how often I heard silly rumors and teasing jokes about Paul and Allison. The token "couple that's not a couple." I nodded, pretending like I didn't know anything about it.

"I was gonna talk to her at the party," Paul explained, "But, you know..."

"I know," I said, acknowledging the fact that we were both basically scaredy cats when it came to girls. But I was working on that. With one girl in particular.

"She was there at that one awkward lunch Dana dragged us to, right?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"Yeah," Paul replied, "Why does awkwardness follow us?"

"Trust me, I wish I knew."

"Paul." Our teacher's deep voice startled me. "Remember, it's supposed to be a square, not a rectangle."

"Right," Paul said shyly, "Sorry. Thanks." He cast a look my way and I stared down at my project.

"Damn, I thought this class would be an easy A," Paul mumbled once we were on our own again.

"Me, too!" I whispered.

Once we made it to lunch, I couldn't deny that something was pulling me to look at Juli's table. I watched as she laughed at something with her friends and I remembered the last time I was doing that and suddenly decided to try to to kiss her in front of everyone. It was official. I'd be 70 and still cowering at that mortifying memory. I stared from the other side of the cafeteria, wishing I was there beside her.

I was lost in thought when I walked to English, glad that I only had one more period to get over with. I stared ahead, and quickly recognized the long brown hair on the girl in front of me.

"Juli," I said over the hallway chatter, prompting her to twist her head and look over. I gave her a small wave and she stopped in her tracks, smiling as I caught up to her. The two of us strolled together, and I realized I didn't have any words planned. I got that same buzzing feeling I always got when I was with her, unable to stifle the smile that grew on my face.

"Hey," she said softly, "How's it going? How was football?" She looked at me with wide, anticipating eyes.

"I made first string," I told her. I was essentially a shy mess when I told anyone else, but I actually felt proud when I told her. I wasn't worried about her reaction making me feel weird.

"I knew it," Juli said with a shrug as we walked together. I swallowed hard, unable to rid my mind of the image of Evan picking her up last night. Any idiot could tell that were going steady. It was just something I had to accept. I had my chance and I lost it. It was that stupid night at the party that put the final nail in the coffin.

"You okay?" she asked. I faked a smile when I thought about her date last night and nodded.

"Just nerves. For Friday," I replied, "You going?"

"To the game? Probably," Juli said, "Dana's persuasive."

"Are _you _getting watered down?" I asked in a tone of shock.

"Are _you_ calling me stubborn?" Juli asked, our talking inching towards flirting.

"I'm sorry," I said with a light chuckle. We walked into English class laughing.

After class ended, I made my way to practice thinking about that fifteen-second conversation I had with Juli. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want her in the stands on Friday. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the prospect of impressing her.

I wondered where we'd be if all that happened didn't happen. If I never screwed up so much. But I did do all that on account of my... Bryce-ness. And I couldn't blame the girl for stepping back and thinking, _I'll go for the guy that's not him!_

**JULIANA**

"Juliana!" I immediately recognized Dana's voice, looking to see her pace towards my locker as I shoved a binder into the messy metal closet. "Did you get this assignment?" She held out a familiar piece of paper. I read it over, confirming that I got the same one in my Science period.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Please, please help me with it," Dana said, "I'm already freaking out. I don't remember that kingdom or class or whatever system at all."

"Breathe," I told my friend gently, "It's all in the textbook; we just have to make a biological diversity chart from that information and make it look nice on Bristol board."

"Okay," Dana breathed, "Can you still just check up on me as I go along before I totally fudge everything?"

"Of course," I grin.

"Sorry," Dana said, leaning against the locker beside mine, "My brother gave me this seriously scary lecture about grades last night. Now every assignment is going to be like a nightmare."

"Motivation by means of fear," I stated, "Always works."

"Does it ever," Dana sighed, "He means well, though. So, lunch wasn't so bad today, huh?" I raised my eyebrows at her. "I mean you and Jane."

"Oh," I said, closing my locker and walking down the corridor with her, "I think she thought I'd be mad at her or something. But I'm not. Maybe we can just... move forward. Not talk about that weird night at all."

"Sometimes trying to get closure just makes the situation worse." Dana nodded. "Anyway... Give me the scoop. On you-know-who."

"He asked me if I was going to the game today."

"And you said yes."

"I said probably because of all your pleading."

"I feel successful."

When I made it home, I saw Dad's truck in the driveway already. I walked through the front door to see him sitting on the couch.

"You're home," Dad said casually, "I got out early and was going to visit Daniel but wanted to see if you wanted to come, too."

"I do," I answered quickly, "Thank you."

"Then let's go, Julzi." I laughed at his nickname for me as I put my book-bag on the floor. "Trina, Juli and I are headed out to see Daniel!"

"Okay!" Mom called. The two of us were soon en route, silently staring at the road together.

"I called Devonhurst so Daniel knows we're coming," Dad explained, "As excited as he gets when we visit, surprises can be too much for him sometimes."

"Good idea," I replied.

"How have you been, Juliana?"

"Alright," I answered, "Still amazed by the change in freedom between junior high to high school."

"Makes sense. You always hated restriction," Dad said with a chuckle, "The whole neighborhood would hear your screams whenever we buckled you into the high chair." I laughed, raking my hair back and looking over at him.

"Who'd I get it from?"

"Definitely Mom," he answered.

"What was she like when you were boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"Just as great," Dad replied, "Caring. It still blows my mind how much she cares about people. And she always hated feeling like she was limited. Just like you."

"So it's not a bad thing?"

"Not at all," Dad said, "The most important thing in any relationship is appreciation. I never found her love for freedom to be bad or anything. I respected it."

"That's sweet, Dad." I smiled.

"So, when you're courting... Ten years from now... Please remember how important it is to make sure you're appreciated."

"I'll remember that for when I'm 24, thanks," I said with a laugh.

"Make that 30," Dad added.

"Weren't you 15 when you met Mom?"

Dad pretended not to hear me and I laughed again. I looked out my window and couldn't control my mind from drifting to Bryce. The image of Jane kissing him intruded my thoughts, and I wiped it away with the good memories I had with Bryce- biking together, laughing together, and that almost-kiss on the bridge.

When we got to Devonhurst, I could see the excitement in Daniel's face the second I saw him. We went out to a diner and he laughed at the ketchup smiley face I put on my burger. I did the same for his and he cheered loud enough to catch the attention of the other customers. But Dad and I didn't care. Our eyes were on Daniel, who we loved more than we could explain. He looked healthier and happier than he'd even been, and every bit of worry I had for him faded that evening.

After we got home and had dinner, I tended to the mental note I had to tend the weeds by the front yard gate. As I worked in the setting sun, pulling up small green sprouts out of their beds of dirt, I caught a glimpse of someone across the street.

I looked up to see that it was Bryce, walking with a jacket and a tired expression. His gaze traveled to find me, and I smiled to play off the fact that he just caught me staring. He smiled back and stopped for a second before he looked both ways and crossed.

"Hey," I said softly, slowly standing before he waved.

"I gotta sit," he said with a chuckle. I smirked and went back down into a squat as he sat cross-legged on the sidewalk, the small white posts of the fence separating us. I continued to pull out the weeds, quickly glancing up to see Bryce staring up above me. I turned to look at the sycamore with him, its leaves softly bobbing with the wind.

"It's not growing as fast as I thought it would," Bryce mumbled. I looked over at him, ready to sarcastically answer, when my eyes focused on the jacket he had slung over his forearm. He caught my gaze and awkwardly chuckled, holding it in front of his face. The deep blue was stark against the white sleeves, a big crisp "R" stitched on the left side of the chest.

"Everyone on the team got one at practice today," he explained, "I'd think a bottle of sunscreen would be a better move than a jacket." I laughed and looked back down at my weeds.

"It's nice," I said.

"Thanks," Bryce replied quietly. An awkward silence settled between us. "So, uh... How has the yard work been?"

"I just came out here," I told him.

"Oh. Can I help?" I looked at him through the small fence and rolled my eyes comically. Bryce laughed, his eyes crinkling and making my heart flutter. "You're right. I don't even know how I'm gonna get up off this sidewalk." I chuckled, the animosity I had left towards him melting away.

"It's just some weeds anyway," I told him with a soft shrug.

"What are you planning next?" Bryce asked, "A fountain? Or maybe a statue somewhere?" I laughed as I roughly pulled at a stubborn weed. Suddenly, I yanked it out and fell to my behind on the grass. I looked at Bryce with parted lips to see his hand clapped over his mouth as he stifled laughter. I couldn't help but let my smile out, shaking my head.

"You just laugh, huh?" I teased, "But I help you every time you get injured."

Bryce curled his hand into a fist over his mouth as he continued to laugh.

"How many times have I gotten injured?" he asked, amused.

"Juli, did you get to the-" I turned to find the source of the voice. Mom was half out the door, her eyes darting between Bryce and I. She smiled and I cleared my throat, standing up.

"I'll see you," I told Bryce.

"Hi, Bryce," Mom said kindly. I watched him get to his feet, giving a small wave to Mom but clumsily dropping his jacket in the process. He quickly picked it off the sidewalk, nervously chuckling.

"Karma," I said matter-of-factly. His dimples revealed themselves and I started towards the house, giving him one last genuine smile that I hoped did my heart justice.

It felt like I just got a fresh start with Bryce. And this time, things would go right.


	18. Chapter 18

**BRYCE**

After a grueling few days of practices and plays, it was finally Friday. Not much had changed in the last few days except that I was more sore than ever.

That morning, I ate breakfast with Mom, Lynetta, and Granddad, the house still unburdened by Dad's presence. I was sure he called last night, but it really felt like we were better off without him. I considered why I was so miserable when he left, and figured it was just because it was weird and embarrassing to be in a family with a missing link. But it wasn't my fault or Mom's or Lynetta's or Granddad's. It was his. And since I realized that, I didn't feel like I lost something with Dad gone anymore. As much as I was an ass for saying it, I felt like it was a gain.

My stomach was too queasy to eat the eggs and toast on my plate. I could feel Mom's scowl aimed at me.

"Bryce, you need to eat," she said quickly, "This is the most important meal." I nodded absentmindedly, playing with the yellow sludge.

"Are they gonna have that huge paper sign you have to run through?" Lynetta asked. I looked up at her to see her playing with a strand of her hair.

"I dunno," I said with a shrug.

"Are they gonna have hot dogs like last time?"

"I dunno."

"Jeez, do you know anything?" she snapped.

"I know you're annoying," I answered.

"Enough," Mom said, "Eat your breakfast." I picked up a piece of toast and took a hesitant bite.

"Who are you up against tonight, Bryce?" Granddad asked.

"Rosemont," I answered, muffled.

"You're going to do great," Granddad encouraged. I gave him a smile, feeling guilty that I wished everyone would just stop talking about it. I was nervous enough as it is.

I left the house at my usual time, passing Juli's house and stifling a smile as I thought about yesterday. I really liked it when the two of us got to talk. Ugh, that's cheesy. My stomach didn't need any more reason to feel sick.

I made it to first period, listening to the morning announcements promoting the game and some field-trip as I settled in my seat.

"Nice jacket," Garrett said with a edge in his voice. I turned to look at him.

"Thanks," I answered, "We have to wear it on game days."

"I could've been on the team," Garrett said with a chuckle, "I just didn't care enough to try out." I nodded and turned my attention to the board, wondering how I ever tolerated even a minute in his company before.

When I walked into Careers, it was like my subconscious _wanted_ to make my day worse- I shared awkward eye contact with who I now knew was Jane. I looked away so fast that I nearly gave myself a concussion.

Once I got through the grueling first half of the day, I tried to stomach the sandwich I had for lunch. Paul was as quiet as I was, focusing on his food across from me, oblivious to the nervous meltdown I was having.

"Do you have a quarter I could use?" Paul asked with a stuffed mouth, "I want some fries and I'm short a quarter."

I mindlessly nodded, fishing some coins out of my pant pocket and handing them to Paul.

"Thanks," Paul said, "The pocket lint is a cool bonus." I managed a chuckle, and he counted the coins on the table. "You alright, man?"

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Nervous."

"Dennis taught me this trick," Paul said, "Whatever you do, _don't _imagine a spotted zebra." I raised an eyebrow. "Are you imagining it?"

"Of course I am," I answered.

"Okay, _don't _imagine it eating potato chips," he said. I immediately imagined just that.

"How is this helping?" I laughed.

"It's taking your mind off of it, isn't it?" Paul said with a smug look, "I'll be back." He left the table and I snickered, taking a bite of my sandwich and thinking about the zebra wishing he had a soda.

Once I was sitting in English, knowing I was one period away from the game, I was too focused on the zig-zag I was doodling to realize that Coupland was handing our tests back. He carelessly dropped mine on my desk and the red B condescendingly stared up at me. I listened to Coupland drone on about how only a few people got an "acceptable" grade. I involuntarily turned and glanced at Juli to see her looking down at her page with an unreadable expression. I just knew she was one of those few people.

Her eyes quickly went from the paper to me. We shared a second of eye contact and she smiled. I smiled back with an embarrassing blush I could feel spreading on my cheeks. I turned back around and rolled my eyes at myself.

One lecture and reading assignment later, the bell finally rang. I could hear my pulse in my ears as I packed my things away, trying to keep my cool as I thought about the hundreds of eyes that'd be on me in a few hours.

The sound of shuffling feet filled the room as kids ran towards their freedom, far away from Coupland. I stood, swinging my heavy bag over my shoulder and feeling the sweat on my palms. I looked back to see Juli passing by, her green eyes quickly meeting mine.

"How'd you do?" I asked.

"Okay," she said with a shrug, "You?"

"B," I answered, "Let me guess. A?" Juli gave a shy smile.

"Good luck tonight," she told me.

"I'll need it," I replied, widening my eyes. She and I walked out of class together.

"No, you won't." My heart did an embarrassing flutter.

I made it to the locker room, the overlapping voices of my teammates filling my ears. I changed into my gear, hanging up my jacket and letting out an unsteady sigh. I knew I was being a chicken-shit, but I couldn't help it.

"Hey." Walter's voice snapped me out of my daze.

"Hey," I replied.

"One of us has _got_ to complain to Ludley about this... compulsory jacket-wearing," he muttered, holding out his letterman.

"Don't you have spirit?" I joked nervously. Walter chuckled and nodded.

"Relax, man," he mumbled, "He isn't here." We laughed. "What do you think he'd do if he saw one of us in the halls without it on?"

"Nothing too drastic," I answered, "Just expulsion." Walter nodded. I grabbed my helmet off the upper shelf and stepped outside, my eyes darting to the stadium. I barely had a couple of hours left until the game, and boy, did my stomach know it.

Once the entire team was out, Ludley had us doing warm-ups and exercises and play run-throughs. When he brought out the cereal bars and fruit, I'd never been more grateful to him in my life. Eventually, the stands began to fill and the sun began to set. As Coach guided us through stretches, I couldn't help but look up at the bleachers. I wasn't sure if I was hoping to see someone I knew or not.

Coach slapped his palms together and waved us over. We surrounded him by the bench, intensely listening to his every word.

"Alright, guys- this has been a very promising practice," he began, "I don't want any hesitation out on that field, alright? You each know what you're doing. Don't second guess yourself for a second, understand? You have to think quick and smart out there. Clear mind. One goal. We are a strong team- let's make this first game a win, huh?"

"Hell, yeah," Walter shouted out. The group of us laughed, and even Ludley cracked a smile. Coach had us do warm-ups on our side of the field as the crowd chatter grew louder in the stands. Soon enough, Rosemont had claimed the other side of the yard with their coach, stretching and practicing.

We had a set-up at our bench, with water and ice packs and a set of discouraged looking second-stringers. The floodlights suddenly lit up, serious in their refusal to allow a single inch of the field to be uncovered.

I felt completely focused as I looked over the crowd again, seeing foam fingers and signs waving in the air. The nervous lump in my chest strangely dissolved as I looked at all the faces. Clear mind.

Maybe I could actually do this.

**JULIANA**

Could I actually do this?

I sat in front of the TV with Dad, playing with the zipper of my jacket and trying to remember the exact moment Dana actually got me to agree to go to the game. She wasn't due for another ten minutes, so I absentmindedly looked out the front room window.

Mom and Dad couldn't go since they'd had a date night planned for a few days now, and Matt and Mark already had their group they were going with. I wished I could have made it a family event so I wouldn't be left to sit all tense with my friends. Whenever Jane and I were in the same vicinity, the word "awkward" wasn't close to covering it, and it was clear that everyone could feel it.

I was over-thinking. It'd be fine. I never had any actual problem with Jane. She had no idea it was Bryce she was crushing on. As bad as it was watching him get kissed by someone else, it really was just a big, ugly mix-up. I needed to follow Dana's advice and just focus on having fun.

Eventually, I saw Dana's mom's car pull up through the window. I stood, smoothing my hair down and saying goodbye to Dad. Mom came around the corner with half-done hair to reiterate my curfew and how I had to make good choices.

Once we got to the school, we all found each other in the parking lot. Jane and I made awkward eye contact as Dana and Jessica both complained about the slim chance of getting a good spot on the bleachers. Thankfully, we were only about five rows up, leaving me to sit at the end next to Dana. I swallowed hard and watched the field, seeing Rockwood's coach pounding a fist in his hand while he spoke to the team. The players were facing him, but I identified Bryce's blonde hair in a second. I chewed on my lip as I watched them, knowing Bryce was just as nervous as he seemed in English class.

I was sure Jane was thinking the same thing as I was: that both of us were going to watching Bryce, whose very existence was the reason we were at such odds with each other.

"These Rosewood boys seem cute," Jessica said, "_Hello_, number 14."

"You traitor," Allison said with a laugh.

"Girls, we're going to the bonfire after, right?" Dana asked.

"Yes," Allison replied, "For the hundredth time, yes." We all shared a chuckle. A group of referees in striped shirts stepped out in the fields, causing the crowd to get louder.

"Ooooh," Dana said while clapping her hands, "It's about to start." I looked over the crowd, studying the smiling faces until I came across a set of familiar ones. Sitting down two rows and diagonal to me were Mrs. Loski and Chet. He was deep in a story and she nodded intently, listening to her father's every word. A small smile formed on my face as I watched them. It was nearly overwhelming how nice it was to see Bryce's family supporting him.

Eventually, Chet caught me staring and he gave me a friendly wave. I smiled at both of them, and told my friends I'd be back before getting up and walking over to the two of them.

"Nice to see you, Juli," Chet said kindly.

"You, too," I replied.

"How's your mom?" Mrs. Loski asked.

"She's great," I answered, "Thank you again for that pie you sent over."

"You're very welcome," the woman said with a smile, "We'll have to have another dinner together soon."

"Not before we go see a picture," Chet said, "Bryce invited you, did he?" I nodded, thinking back to Bryce asking me if I'd like to go to the movie theater with him and his granddad one day.

"He did," I said with a nod, "That sounds like it would be fun."

"I think so, too." He smiled again.

"Goodness, I hope he ate well enough," Patsy muttered, "I don't want him to faint or something out there." I followed her gaze and looked out at the field to see the group of Rockwood players still surrounding the coach, this time with their helmets on.

"Don't worry, Patsy," Chet said, "If he does, he's got a helmet to break his fall." Mrs. Loski let out a gasp and Chet and I chuckled. "I had some bad injuries out on that field and look at me now. Old and very mobile." Patsy snickered.

"I should get back to my friends," I stammered, "It was nice seeing you."

"And you, Juli," Bryce's mom said kindly. Chet smiled at me and I turned on my heels to go back to my seat beside Dana, who was smirking.

"Close with the in-laws?" she said quietly. I playfully hit her and she laughed.

The game was soon underway, the school band near the bottom of the bleachers cheerfully playing their instruments between breaks. I quietly watched the game, my eyes mainly on Bryce. His coach was right. Running was definitely his strong suit.

Eventually, I looked over to my friends and told them I needed to run to the restroom.

"I'll come with," Dana said, taking her eyes off the field and standing up.

"Me, too," Jane spoke up. Dana looked my way then Jane's, and sat back down.

"I don't have to go," she stated. Jane looked at me and offered a forced smile. I returned it, turning down the steps with her close behind me. Soon enough, Jane spoke up.

"Juli, I had no idea- uh..." she stuttered, "I'm sorry-"

"I'm not mad at you," I told her honestly, "I was just shocked... is all."

"Yeah," Jane said with a pointed finger, eager to get her words out, "I'm still sorry. I don't know what I was doing drinking that much in the first place. I'm totally not even going to see him as a prospect or a possibility anymore. At all."

"Jane," I began, "It's okay. I don't want a boy to get in the way of our friendship." Jane's eyes lit up.

"Exactly," she said. I nodded and crossed my arms to protect myself from the autumn chill. An awkward silence settled between us, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the other ones had been. Jane and I were going to be just fine.

When we made it back to the bleachers, the crowd was rambunctious. Since the beginning of the game, it was a close match, but it was nearing the end, and Rockwood was starting to lead by a larger margin.

"They've got it in the bag," Jessica said confidently.

"Jess!" Dana snapped, "Don't jinx it."

"They haven't got it in the bag at all?" Jessica bounced back with a nervous pitch. Dana let out an amused laugh before another play began. I kept my eyes on Bryce and watched him weave and tackle, my heart racing. The crowd got louder and louder, and eventually, the last set declared our school the winner.

Everyone in the bleachers got to their feet, clapping and screaming. Dana squeezed past me with Allison right behind her.

"Come on!" Dana waved us down. Jane joined them and Jessica grabbed my wrist to drag me with her.

"What are we doing?" I laughed. Our group barreled down the bleachers with a few other excited spectators. I had no idea what we'd do once we got down there, but the energy in the air told me it didn't even really matter.

We made it to the field and stood in a group as the football players followed the referee's instructions to get in line and shake hands with the other team. As soon as the formalities were over, Rockwood's team celebrated with applause and some players even started to playfully dance. Again, my eyes found their way to Bryce, and I watched him take his helmet off and take a big breath in. He had the brightest smile I'd ever seen, his dimples prominent, and I felt like it was pulling me in as I stepped away from the edge of the field and closer to him.

Bryce spotted me, his smile getting even bigger.

"Hey," I said quietly. He didn't say a word and only responded by stepping forward and hugging me. I held my arms tight around his torso as my cheek pressed up against his shoulder, his chest rapidly rising and falling. Bryce let out what sounded like a chuckle of disbelief, and I swallowed hard, not wanting to let go.


End file.
